Mine wasn’t a single definitive moment, but a death of a thousand cuts. They were from the small things to what I now realise were very unsavoury behaviours.
Couldn’t cook (not even boil pasta), but always did the dishes. By ‘do the dishes’ meant leaving them until the last minute, taking half an hour to wash whilst watching something on his phone and getting highly irritated if our young children dared wander into the kitchen whilst taking on this enormous task. Only washed them, never cleaned around the kitchen or even the sink after. When cooking I had to entertain the children as he was on his phone ignoring them.
Did zero self grooming. Once threw a tantrum because I asked him to brush his hair before an online interview (during Covid). He apparently didn’t know how to use a brush, because he was a man and why would he need to know.
Eventually stopped washing and brushing his teeth altogether unless I asked (begged) him to. Did not understand why I stopped being physically affectionate/having sex with him.
Complained I was always tired. We have children with additional needs, one is high needs. Went through a phase of not sleeping more than three hours a night and was near uncontrollable when awake. I was on the verge of a sleep deprived breakdown, he never got up with him during the night as he had to work. When I asked for him to at least get up on the weekends for me to get some catch up sleep, he moaned and grumbled about how unfair it was. The kids were left to be loud, jump on me etc so I had to get up anyway. We slept in separate beds due to his snoring, so he always had a good 8 hours unbroken sleep every night.
Never suggested things to do as a family, never booked a trip or set dates for visits (not even to see his own family). Never wanted to leave the house, only to go to work or pop to the shop. Never paid for anything he didn’t absolutely have to (not even for what our children needed). Never wanted to go on holiday as they were ‘pointless’. Just an absolute bore with little ambition unless someone pushed him.
Hit and kicked walls/chairs when I ‘made him angry’ (see: brought up anything I was fed up of).
Was highly inappropriate about sex. Didn’t give me leeway on recovering from birth, nagged and touched me up from about two weeks after and I gave in before 6 weeks every time just to be left alone. Constantly touching me inappropriately at all times. Once initiated sex when his mum was visiting and playing with the kids downstairs. Makes me feel sick to this day.
Terrible with bills, not that couldn’t pay them, just kept thinking if he didn’t bother setting up a DD then a bill simply didn’t exist. Got into constant financial trouble/bailiffs at the door. One of the last straw moments was watching him pitifully sat on the floor, half crying as another company was chasing him for money (I had taken on half the bills despite having much less money and he still wasn’t paying).
There are probably a million things I forgot, but being stuck with him all day every day during COVID was definitely what made me think ‘this cannot be my fucking life forever’. Any time I’d brought up having enough before, he’d always say ‘and how will you cope without me? You can’t look after the kids alone, you can’t afford your own place and I won’t pay for you’.
It took a year, but I worked my finances out and had enough to put a deposit on a rental. He pays me a pittance every month and still doing the same shit of not paying his own bills. He’s also in some sort of bizarre denial about our breakup, and seems to flip between pretending it didn’t happen or that eventually I’ll see ‘sense’ that we’re meant to be together. All I have to do is stop nagging and let ‘the little things’ go and we’ll live happily ever after 🤣. I say I’d rather glue a cactus to a space hopper and ride it bare-fanny to Australia than get back with him (or any man at this point).