To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

No, men don't work from the position of rationality, that's just a myth it suits them to perpetuate.

Leaving the glass out was just fucking lazy, but that writer still had to pretend it was because he was going to use the glass again, instead of admitting he was a lazy twat.

He must have been an unbearable dickhead to live with, if his writing is anything to go by. That's why his marriage failed, not because he didn't indulge his sweet, irrational wife.

Everybody is selfish and has a solipsistic worldview to an extent, men and women. The real-life examples on this thread are of the kind of entitlement that men are routinely raised to expect, not someone leaving a glass out that they plan to re-use. The writer of that article just comes across as advising men how to do the bare minimum to avoid losing their housemaids.

It was my fucking car. Not dps. I earned twice as much as him and I bought my own car, so there is no poor fucking dp.

dp obviously was not mad at me, the fuckings are all aimed at a poster whose default reaction is to be sorry for my dp that I took a side mirror off my car.

I was multitasking breastfeeding our week old daughter and changing our toddlers nappy, whilst ex was playing Xbox and ‘couldn’t pause it as it’s online’

i put up with him for about 3 more months before I threw him out.

Exactly! "My sweet, irrational ex" is just as specious as "my psycho ex", and much more manipulative, given how many women seem to read his pathetic, heavily-caveated mea culpa as genuine.

@TheLeadbetterLife I get similar vibes from that Jimmy on Relationships guy on Instagram. ‘I was a total dickhead and cheated on my wife, but now I make a living teaching dickheads how to pretend not to be dickheads so their wives don’t leave them!’

This thread reminded me of this: https://x.com/nancyrpearcey/status/1759772120945451241?s=48&t=IbEZCOVZg35AJgJ7OHCiMw

when he wrote the date in the dust on the sky box, I was a SAHM to 4 children aged 5 and under, youngest was 4 months, he did nothing at home apart from bath them if he was home at bedtime which wasn't very often as there was always as office emergency at the close of business apparently. There were lots of other things but that was the one that sealed if for me, we separated not long after.

I’ve just re-read it. I’m often called a man-hater on MN (so be it) but I think he has a point (although he gets long winded and soap boxy in the second half).

I think he included the explanation that he was leaving out the glass to use it again because it’s what many men would use as justification so it’s better to address it. My ex did leave out the glass on the dining table all day but he did reuse it all day. So I think he had to address it
for those men reading.

We didn’t have a dishwasher so I was glad I didn’t have to wash multiple glasses. Until
it became that he did nothing in the house unless he was told a dozen times. So I would have been happier if ex had come to this man’s realisation.

Dumb question - why does the blender need handwashing?

No one is talking about deal breakers though. What do you understand the phrase "The straw that broke the camel's back" to mean?

I don’t understand the defrost thing, sorry if being obtuse! I usually get stuff out the night before if for dinner, or otherwise there are things you can zap straight from frozen like leftover pasta. Isn’t getting it out on the day not enough time, or you could have just microwaved it from the freezer?

(Misses the point of thread… 😂)

But I think he is really selfish to sort out his food and the kids and leave you to get your own. Definitely would leave me wondering if he cares about me at all. I could never do that to my partner.

I couldn’t agree more. Perfectly sums up how I feel about that article. The writer must be an absolute bell end.

Mine was years ago. I'd been shopping one Saturday with my late mum, and got home at about half four. Cue sad face and "I've not had anything for lunch, I'm so hungry". I'm afraid I just laughed and pointed at the full to bursting fridge and amply stocked cupboards, and said you're 33 years old, sort it yourself! It was so weird, as he's a good cook and had lived alone for several years before we moved in together. He's never done it again, and it's been 34 years!

Clearly a MR Potato head----

I misread your post as being from brrrrrrrrrrr to whom my post was addressed.

i am a little confused tbh.

Maybe a name change fail?

There were numerous drip-drip-drip glass-by-the-dishwasher moments with exDP, but two of the clearest ones were: when he got angry, upset and sulky about me using 'I' rather than 'we' in a Facebook post (talking about my own DC, who is not his child).

And when I realised he still couldn't operate the oven (to cook the pizza I had left for him because I wasn't going to be back for dinner) after living in my house for more than four years, and then when I said I had better leave instructions next time, he said no, he wouldn't bother trying to use the oven on his own again.

My current DP respects me and gives me space as an individual, and can cook, clean, drive, do laundry and generally function as an adult with no input from me.

Because you bigger up the mechanism if you put it in the dishwasher.

Me too. That incident I described was just another of many fuckwitted “accidents” caused by not paying attention or being ragey and doing something in the heat of the moment that just ends up costing yet more money. And it’s always me who has to organise and pay for the repair. Like the glass next to the dishwasher, in and of itself no biggie, but cumulatively - jesus christ.

A few things but the most prominent one I remember was that I made the mistake of making sandwiches for our son's packed lunch, using cheese that exh had bought.

He moaned and complained about this, saying that it was HIS CHEESE!!!

Bearing in mind he'd been jobless for a few months so I was supporting the 4 of us. But he couldn't possibly stretch to sharing his previous fucking cheese with his 2 year old.

We must have read a different article because the dishes by the sink one is very much a petulant I can't believe she had the audacity to do that whinge with no sense of well I bloody deserved it.

Mine was when I was in hospital during pregnancy of our youngest child. I was 26 weeks and was having contractions so the paediatric consultant came to tell me that if I gave birth there was a 50% chance of survival and they wouldn’t resuscitate so I should call my husband. I made the call and begged him to come to the hospital which wasn’t local but about 50 miles from home. He couldn’t come as he doesn’t drive on motorways as he is too nervous. He left me alone in the hospital thinking that I was going to give birth at 26 weeks and my baby only had a 50% chance of survival. I have never forgiven him for that.

No name change fail, it’s really completely irrelevant to the discussion, I was just responding to the poster who is like that’s not even possible, nobody could do that! People can do that, people have, I explained one way to do it, then was rather taken aback by someone using that to be sorry for my dp.

Shocked. Firstly, to what adults is, even a nice sausage roll, dinner? Secondly, that he'd prefer to eat without you??? Thirdly, that he couldn't microwave what ever was frozen??? I'm the last to say this but you have to LTB 😂

I do think the article is irritating in parts but I think he does think he deserves it at times:

“She wanted me to figure out all of the things that need done, and devise my own method of task management. I wish I could remember what seemed so unreasonable to me about that at the time.”