To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

When he threw me a right hook in front of my 3 year old

@CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo but they are ...... expecting they should eat a shitty ready meal instead of expecting their DH to cook them a meal!

I'll stand by that, every single fucking day!

A total absolute fool and a martyr and then to go on to tell other women they should do the same.....

Nah that's not your me and I won't have tg telling me I should do it!

Really sorry @OverTheGrip , yours is the most worrying of all the ones I read in this thread. Hope you're OK.

Not only do I cook for everyone, no bugger has to ask me to do it.

We have one similar to the bath tap - the plunger for the shower mixer over the bath sticks which means someone often gets a wet head when they turn the taps on after DH has used it. He did replace the taps a year ago and these have done the same as the old ones. He claims it's not malicious when he doesn't think to check it's disengaged after he's finished with the shower but he gets an earful from me every single time because he's happy for other people to have to always do what he won't reliably do, his DS with ADHD and poor executive functioning included.

I hope you are safely away from him, now.

Oh bless you, are you away from home now? 🌷

My husband had his flaws but he was generous to a fault, did all the cooking at weekends and cleaned up after. He had an extremely stressful job and worked well over 60 hours a week but never moaned about it.
He didn't do much housework, but was very tidy and paid for a weekly cleaner.
A friend, however, is a slave to her husband and (male) adult kids. Since I've known her there have been dozens of 'last straw' incidents to my mind, but she is far too forgiving. But this last example should really show her how much she is valued:
Her mother died last week and she went to stay with her father to support him and help with arrangements. He is mid 80s and not very mobile. She left her dog at home, asking her husband and son, who both WFH, to walk him etc. She came back four days later to a sink full of dishes (they have a dishwasher) and dog pee and poo in the house. No food in - the first thing she did (after cleaning the mess) was go out shopping. One of the first things they asked her was to make some coffee and what was for dinner. She told me this and just shrugged shoulders. Her sons treat her just as their father does, and she lets them.

Yep another martyr and fool! Raising men that will try to do the same to their partners and teaching her daughters if she has any to be martyrs and fools.

So the cycle continues.

That has to be the most extreme that I've heard though.

I'm so glad you got away from him.

the laundry is not ‘done’ until the clean clothes are in the drawer. Not sure how you get the point across to him though
maybe just leave his stuff in the machine so it goes black & smelly?

too many moments to count, from too many 'men', but makes me realise i'm so glad i left all the relationships that i did.

@neilyoungismyhero It might be hard but it isn't too late to leave. Please, don't be a martyr - I don't know how old you are but you deserve peace and happiness. Let him cook his own bloody meals.

Your friend needs to stop.

How dare they

Boomer1964 · Today 07:01 So many MNetters leaving their children without a father in their lives over such minor issues.

I know it's hard to believe, but you don't stop being a father just because you live in a different home to their mother. You can still do lots of father-y things with your children (You know love them, look after them, provide for them, do hobbies with them)... but it's always fathers who can't be arsed that try and blame their uselessness on someone else.

My family always eat together. Because we have the financial privilege to only have one out-of-the-house worker's schedule to plan around.

Many people's lives are more complicated than that. However, if you read the thread properly you would see that had the DH cooked the meal as requested, the family would have eaten together.

How you get "families don't eat together any more" from that I don't know.

Improve your reading comprehension. FFS, as you so charmingly put it.

Ok, well there's no point in derailing the thread so I'll make this my last response., especially as I'm having a hard time making sense of some of it like this

"Nah that's not your me and I won't have tg telling me I should do it!"

I called my DP from A&E to tell him I was being admitted with pneumonia and he said 'well where does that leave me, I'm.supposed to be going out at the end of the week' meaning he would have to sort out childcare, not the response I needed 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo you're clearly a woman that believes that a man doing anything deserves some sort of medal!

You be you, but your daughters ie daughter in laws are not going to think you're right, your DH loves your martyrdom and probably your sons.....

The rest of us, like OP don't think it's good.

Enjoy your shitty ready meal!

There are some horrible stories on here. This one made me cry. I am happy that you got free of him. Well done.

Ugh. I had a similar boyfriend many years ago. Ended up in hospital after an accident, was going to be there for a while, and when I called him to tell him, he moaned that it 'wasn't fair' because he wanted someone to go out with. Then suggested maybe he could see other people while I was stuck in hospital.

I dumped him on the phone immediately.

Despicable!

Unbelievable. But probably a boiled frog and can't see how absolutely contemptuous of her they are. And she's helping raise another generation of entitled, contemptuous men.

I totally agree. I hate it when this article is referenced because I think it's the opposite of what it claims to be.

All the way through the writer keeps pointing out that he had all these sensible reasons for doing the annoying things (e.g. planning to re-use the glass), clearly implying that his ex-wife was irrational.

The take-home message isn't "don't be a disrespectful twat", it's "put up with your silly, irrational wife or you'll end up single and doing your own housework".

He must be unbearable. That's why she left him, and he still doesn't see it.

Fellow teacher and friend had a new baby and developed pneumonia ( her not the baby). Her husband had a very important man-job and couldn't possibly take any time off at all. She went to stay with her parents for 3 weeks so they could look after her and the baby. When she came home he announced that he was having an affair with a colleague who had moved into the marital home for those 3 weeks friend was away being ill. He said he rather enjoyed living with this colleague ( who had now gone home) and couldn't decide between my friend and OW. He told my friend he would give her two weeks to convince him that he should stay with her and the baby. She turned herself inside out doing the pick me dance and at the end of the two weeks he moved in with the other woman . Absolute shit.He married the replacement, had a child with her and then did the same thing to her with another women.

I'm sorry you had to suffer the same (twice) but no, I cant blame that. He's just the usual British white entitled male who found a woman who was already preconditioned to serve males. I'm the poster girl for all those mothers who think staying in an abusive marriage until the children are older is the best thing to do but I can tell you all, it really isn't. I look back and think how differently my life would have been if my mother had left. I was the one who had to clean the house aged 6 whilst my brothers did nothing because they were boys. I was the girl aged 8 who was expected to cook dinners for my father and three older brothers (11, 13 and 16) when my mother spent a week looking after her ill parent. The rage my father directed my way because I didn't know how to cook big meals still frightens me now fifty years later. My brothers were angry and blamed me for upsetting our father so it was an awful awful week with no escape. My mother accepted her treatment from him because of how she too was raised (don't complain, just get on with it).

After 40 years of being with this man, thinking this was normal, my eyes were finally opened when I visited mumsnet one day and read what healthy relationships should be like. That is how badly I have been conditioned from childhood. Still trying to escape but I can see the path. It will happen. These kinds of threads will help others open their eyes one day 💪