To ask what your 'glass next to the dishwasher' moment was?

[Rosesareradish]

Or is it the straw that broke the camels back?

I was working today, so I asked DP to get something out of the freezer to defrost for dinner. He was at home with the children, I was working until 6. At lunch time I text to say I would go to Aldi after work so I'd be late home.

I got home at 7.15, I unloaded the car and he put the shopping away. I went for a wee and said goodnight to the children. I then went in to the living room to ask what was for dinner. Nothing! He didn't get anything out of the freezer, he gave the children soup for tea and he had a nice sausage roll he'd bought.

No thought whatsoever to me eating. My irked face probably gave me away and he suggested I have cereal or cook something I'd just bought from Aldi.

AAAARGH.
AIBU to be so annoyed? I would never have left him without dinner after working. Especially if he then went and did the weekly shop afterwards (which he never does anyway..!)

Good grief.

My goodness some of these posts are so sad and horrible and my thoughts go to you all.

Wild to think that someone going to a supermarket would come back with some food for dinner. He cooked something pretty healthy sounding for the kids and presumably thought you'd get something for yourself. If I'm doing the food shop and will be late back I just chuck a salad, ready meal, or something low effort in the trolley.

He was looking after the kids, you were doing the shopping, it sounds like a pretty fair exchange to me. It's not like he was at the pub.

At a financial planning seminar, the presentation shows that statistically, men living with a partner live longer than single men, women the reverse. I think partly the inbalance spreads to health issues, I am attentive partner if he is not well, but generally I am left to fend for myself if ill. I can write a note with specific instruction of what to buy and send shopping for medication, that works, but what if things get more serious than that, he’ll probably be watching the TV. This is something I didn’t think about when younger.

And you won't be short of offers.

But OP had also asked him to defrost something. I think that's perfectly specific.

OP had been working all day then went shopping. He should have at least given some thought to sorting out food for her too.

Pulling my work shirt out of the tumble dryer absolutely crumpled and stuck together because he has shoved so much in the dryer and also the pile of unfolded laundry from the dryer on the dining table.

I’ve been married for nearly 14 years and I constantly ask DH not to overfill the washer, tumble dryer and also to leave clothes in the dryer if he can’t fold up (because then you can put them on again for 5 mins and get rid of creases).

Despite this he continues to do this (might change for a week) as it’s easier and thinks he knows best and doesn’t care if clothes are crumpled (I have an office job he wfh). Cue we end up with literally a mound of clean unfolded clothes on the dining table which I have to fold and then get people to put away (so lots of my time).

I’m sure lots of people would say, “be glad he does the laundry” but the point of the article was it’s the small things which show you don’t care about your marriage. If you can’t put a glass away, even if you think it’s ridiculous, but it’s important to your spouse, then there is a problem.

There is of course history, but in my case this exemplifies by DH doing what he wants and doesn’t care if it bothers me. Does the bits of jobs that are easy and leaves me the hard bits.

As I say lots of history, but I feel a real change inside thinking I need to get out of this marriage.

So if this is your glass by the dishwasher moment, are you leaving him OP?

In perfect timing with this thread, DH has just asked me to wash up the blender I used 2 days ago to make smoothies for me, him and my LO because I was the one that used it??

I didn’t even realise it still needed washing up, I’d rinsed it quickly at the time as needed to sort the baby out. Without me knowing he’d moved it and put it on top of the washing machine (??) as it was cluttering up the sink apparently.

I hastened to remind him that I cook for all of us on a mostly daily basis, and don’t differentiate between who used each item when stacking the dishwasher. He told me apparently stacking the dishwasher is different, he’s happy to put my stuff in but if something needs to be washed by hand then this should be done by the person who used it.

Just sat here quietly seething

@Deafdonkey You really need to stop feeding him.

He’s not doing the laundry - he’s just putting it in the machine. The time consuming parts of folding, sorting & putting away is being left to you. And he’s making it harder because everything is creased.

I read somewhere that the laundry is not ‘done’ until the clean clothes are in the drawer. Not sure how you get the point across to him though. 🙁

Such low fucking standards....

My ex-H saying 'Do you really think I'd sleep with you?"

The context of this was spending the night together and me thinking we were going to have sex, such occasions were few and far between during our marriage. He claimed to be asexual despite that not being the case before we got married. Absolutely crushed me and was the last straw. I waited till he'd gone out and cried my eyes out. Took me a couple more years to leave him but leave him I did. (Then ended up in a horrible relationship with someone I used to work with because I was desperate for affection.)

I totally get you, I’m careful with my clothes, DH isn’t.

I have my own washing up bag, he has his. We don’t do each others.

Please don’t let the twat near your washing again, just tell him to do his own and never do his.

And yes, leave him!

Jesus.

JFC what an. Absolute turd of a man.

So glad you left him.

It is never too late to live the rest of your days peacefully and happy.

It's never too late. Please don't spend the rest of your life with someone who hates you.

😂

I felt livid on your behalf just READING this

So depressing that there are so many useless and selfish husbands out there. If my DH dies, I am done. Will not be in the market for another. There are so many rubbish ones out there!

"statistically, men living with a partner live longer than single men, women the reverse"

Funny, that! And women who lived with a twat partner, threw him out and now live alone, live longer than most men - and more happily too.

Where were these men dragged up?

Who would even think of doing that?

I'd have walked out

My dm didn’t have a glass next to the dishwasher moment but after my df left her for another woman she told me of the time she was carrying 2 heavy bags of shopping up the hill and df sailed past her in the car with one of his office girls that he was giving a lift to.
40 years later df is old and lonely and dm is old and happy. We do visit df but he believes that his dc should offer him a permanent home!
Once in frustration I told him he should have thought of that before he f####d off with ow. Not my finest moment.