Noisy house but DP demanding “space and silence” to study

[Sleepybanana]

Long story short I did a postgrad which finished last year and now he is doing one too, although we are in very different subjects.

when I did mine I just sucked it up and got on with it around the noise and chaos of a busy household. Did it at work on my breaks and little bits here and there.
He on the other hand throws tantrums and sulks if it’s too noisy on the weekend but I’m thinking of course it bloody is!! Weekend, house, kids, pets mean that it’s noisy.

He works in the dining room which is off the kitchen and therefore naturally quite a noisy room. But after much sighing and stomping and heavy silence we are now all walking on eggshells.

suggestions I have made

• earplugs / earphones (no)
• moving to another less communal room where he can shut the door and we all stay away (no)
• going to the library where peace is guaranteed (no)
• doing it later when me and the kids are out (no he wants to do it NOW because some sport nonsense is on later that he wants to watch )
• doing some of the work during his lunch hour at his work office (doesn’t want to) or staying later at work to do it in peace (also doesn’t want to).

I think he’s hinting to give up one of the kids rooms for an “office” but we don’t have the space. He could also work in our room but doesn’t.

i think I’m possibly unsympathetic because it’s just frustrating for me that I sucked it up and got on with it and he’s behaving like it’s some kind of high stress Nobel prize winning PHD he’s working on 🙄 but there’s a high chance I’m just being a dick. AIBU? Or any suggestions on how to make this work?

He has many viable solutions here and is able to choose any one of them. None of them are difficult or onerous.
You don't mention the ages of your children but I would expect children of school age to be capable of being quiet sometimes. It's a useful life skill ( that I wish some people going to the theatre these days had learned) to be able to e calm and quiet. To read, watch a film,play quietly with your siblings. My father had parkinsons for 12 years and needed to sleep after lunch. We lived with them for a year when my children were 7 and 8. During weekends and holidays they were expected to be quiet so grandad could rest. You can play with lego or cars or play mobil without making a lot of noise.

wow he's unbelievable. I got a distinction in my masters from a good redbrick whilst living in a tiny flat and doing my work mostly three feet from a toddler. Point him to the nearest coffee shop and tell him to be bloody grateful he's covered for childcare while he arses about I mean studies.

@AngelinaFibres why the fuck should they be quiet though, because daddy studies and is totally inflexible? Why should their needs come last because he has to have everything just so? Bad lesson for them in my opinion.

As it is theirs and he’s the only one with the problem while saying no to many reasonable, realistic, viable solutions. Them having to be quiet for however long in their home on the weekends until he finishes is not realistic.

He sounds far too delicate to study for a PhD or whatever it is. Perhaps something a bit gentler like a 10-metre swimming badge might be better.

😂

I agree. What a soft arse. Maybe he's realised he's bitten off more than he can chew? And is doing a bit of a bad workman blaming his tools type routine...

So plenty of sensible helpful suggestions but no to all of them. I'd tell him to fuck off.

Love this! 😂

HE's being a dick.

HOnestly, some men act like absolutely entitled dicks.

Hence the thread about all the men who literally walk into women and berate women ... and none would even dream of acting with men like this.

He’s choosing to do it in the heart of the home and at the weekend when kids should be allowed to relax a bit. He’s got options but he wants everyone to revolve around him.

As someone who completed a PhD from a tiny desk in their bedroom, and sometimes, on the actual bed itself - YANBU. He needs to find a dedicated working space to make this work. One of the criteria for a good working space if you're someone who can't focus with house around is that it's away from the main living area. So he's chosen an unsuitable location. What's his reason for not wanting to do it in the bedroom?

Headphones with white noise

Stop walking on eggshells

my DH is doing a part time masters, and wanted to do that in our kitchen-diner

i said no problem but I will be having the radio on/calling my dad daily from the landline, cooking, cleaning etc on the days I do not work. He also realised we have to deal with roofer/postman/deliveries etc etc

constant interruptions

he has now moved to the loft, which he says is cold. (He is able to move a few heaters on there but could never be bothered)….. his mum who heard of his suffering sent him a heater in the post 😂

that made him feel a bit foolish with two unused oil heaters sitting unused downstairs

but anyway, spell it out, laugh a bit at his unreasonable requests, and stop walking on egg shells

It’s ridiculous. Man doesn’t want to go to use noise cancelling headphones or go to the fucking library (like millions of other students), so some people on MN suggest spending thousands of pounds building him a dedicated study space. 🤯

Some people find it much more difficult than others to detach their attention from background noise. But anyone with children has to get used to a certain amount of noise and take advantage of quiet periods when they occur. If that means missing the match, tough.

why the fuck should they be quiet though, because daddy studies and is totally inflexible? Why should their needs come last because he has to have everything just so? Bad lesson for them in my opinion.

Everything must revolve around what dad wants is a horrendous message to send the kids. Whether they’re boys or girls, it’s dreadful. It might actually be even worse if they’re boys.

what he wants is to take over one of their bedrooms and make them share. All because he doesn’t fancy going to the library.

If he needs a his own silent space, most university libraries have nice, purpose built rooms that students can book for exactly this purpose.

Spot the person with a large and spacious house.

He is being ridiculous. He has plenty of options which he has refused to consider. When I was doing my masters I did all of the options you have suggested because, hey, family life gets noisy at times.

Sorry, forgot to say - I would point out to him that instead of him making any changes to make his studying work for him, he was the entire family to make massive changes in their lives for him. Twattery.

Tell him there is a terrible smell of burning martyr wafting through the house...

Exactly this ^^

😂

Best answer yet

Mine has a f* ing open access electric piano in addition to all that stuff! Every time I go there's a kid just bashing on it and playing with the different sounds.

Oh I love this! 😂

He's being a twat.