To think she shouldn't put him in tights?

[TotoroElla]

Just trying to understand and find a way forward.

A family member's little boy is in foster care currently. He is 4 yo. The FC keeps putting him in tights. His mum is getting upset with it and doesn't understand why she keeps doing it. She has asked for her to stop and the SW has asked her to stop too. Mum doesn't feel it is very dignified for him to be at nursery wearing what is culturally a girls' clothes item. He was getting so hot in them the other day as of course he has trousers over them.

Can anyone shed any light as to why she is doing this or what his mum can do about it?

Ok, interesting. Enjoy your day. Goodbye.

Don't feel silly we all make mistakes.

What do you mean that the mother is not making the changes needed? I doubt she can do very much about having cancer and needing treatment so what is it she should be doing, what changes should she be making?

Perhaps you are not able to ascertain that I answered the OP, in that message asking for suggestions cancer treatment was not mentioned. Feel free to continue the reactionary condescension elsewhere, thanks.

My ex used to wear them under work trousers if working outside. It's to keep them warmer over winter. Is the child happy to be wearing them? I could understand if their going to the park or going to be outdoors all day over winter. She might be doing it to reduce her heating costs as well.

The OP mentioned cancer diagnosis and treatment way before you rocked up with your ‘making necessary changes” nonsense.

" Is the child happy to be wearing them?"

No he's not.

Thank you 😊

I'm sorry about your mum 😔 I'm so scared about what will happen...

Thank you for understanding.

So many deliberately goady shit-stirrers on this thread.

OP, you're advocating on behalf of your sister and are doing it in your nephew's best interest. It must really be a comfort for her to know she has you for support.

Hang in there and I hope it all goes well.

Yes, she does have another older DC to care for. But this what I'm saying although mum doesn't like it she doesn't say anything about his clothes. As at the end of the day it won't affect her DS. But in the situation of the tights it is affecting him. He is a hot boy, in this mild weather he is never chilly. It is upsetting for him to arrive at his mother's hot and irritable. I sometimes pick him up in the buggy and can't change him til we get home. So even being outside it is not cold enough for him to wear tights under trousers. I suspect that no matter the weather then tights are uncomfortable for him due to his ND.

That's awful 😞 But good on the FC keeping 4 siblings together!

Her DC means everything to her and like most of us will always be first in her mind no matter what she's going through. Many parents enjoy dressing their DC and making them look nice.

Thank you, that is all we want.

Thank you.

And no, she has an older FC.

Your sister is lucky to have you in her life looking out for her. She will get better and she will be reunited with her child. Your friend hasn't given up the fight.

Lol! Isn’t it sad and quite frankly utterly embarrassing how so many posters on this thread can’t just say “sorry my mistake, didn’t read all OP’s post” etc when they realise that not only are they wrong, but they’ve been very insensitive and waded bluntly into what is a very delicate situation?

A few have apologised but many just slinked off quietly after being called out or even worse doubled down.

@Theresstilltonighttocome is doing an especially good job of correcting these kind of posters! You‘d think at this stage new people joining the thread would’ve got the message but no such luck :/

As I've said this is not about policing what she does when she is looking after him. We do respect her and the difficult job she is doing. And yes, we want to work as a team.

What changes?

She's not criticising the FC she is advocating for her DS. He does not like the feel of tights.

Thank you for that - I will have a look.

I really don't understand how someone who has cancer can have the headspace to think about non-matching clothes.

Sometimes you try to control the only things you have control over, and you try to keep a sense of normal in very abnormal circumstances. You don’t stop being a mum even with a cancer diagnosis and even when your child can’t live with you. I can completely understand why a mum might feel upset or anxious that her child wasn’t being dressed in a way she would want while she was unable to care for him.

Unfortunately, not.

I’m hormonal atm, and the utter lack of thought and empathy has really got up my nose.

Because I have explained many times that the tights are uncomfortable for the little boy. @Theresstilltonighttocome has read my updates before commenting!