Would this put you off a man-never moved out

[Urghhhcba]

A friend of mine is interested in a 31 year old, but she's found out he's never lived away from home apart from going to uni halls.
Like never been in a serious relationship/lived with a woman or even just moved into a place on his own. Like he's saving but she's just really put off him now.

I've got a cousin like that. In his 30's and has never left home. Would put me off, yes, if they're anything like him!

Absolutely it would put me off. 30's and still living at parents? The lack of independence is not exactly inspiring.

Sounds like a loser.

Would depend on the person & circumstances, for me.

If they'd never moved out because they were generally immature, weren't working & wanted to be looked after by Mummy then it would put me off.

If they're a lovely person, not awfully confident or working in a male dominated workplace, hence no relationship and has been saving for a house deposit those 8 years post uni then absolutely not.

Sometimes women put way too much stock in some ridiculous 'dating rules' that mean they miss out on a genuinely good bloke.

Why?

Would she rather him be living in a little bedsit with little disposable income? Or sharing a flat which is sort of what he’s doing anyway with his parents?

I don't think someone never having moved out tells you anything because there could be any number of reasons for it. I think it'd be fairly stupid to judge anyone for this without knowing the reasons (as many posters have done on this thread) and that would be more of a red flag, tbh.

Some reasons might be legitimately off-putting (the worst case scenario loafer who can't do anything independently), others are fine (caring responsibilities, saving up with a specific goal to move out). Plus the rental market these days fucks people over even more than it did when I was renting. When I was in my 20s one of my best friends (female) lived with her mum and she didn't move out until she met her now-husband. It wasn't what she wanted ideally but it made no sense to throw money down the drain of London rented houseshares when she could live at home and save up. Didn't mean she wasn't independent or hadn't grown up.

Most people I know who are living with their parents into their 30s are female and all of them (male and female) are perfectly well-adjusted. Doesn't mean the opposite can't happen but it does mean it's incredibly idiotic to assume the worst.

But not everyone is you and has your life experience.

I did exactly the same as you - when I left home for university I knew I'd never be back. I had a toxic family to escape, I hated where I'd grown up and I knew I had to be in London for the career I wanted.

If I'd had good parents with a big house in London? I would have absolutely loved to take advantage of that luck. Why on earth wouldn't I? Everyone I know who had parents in London lived with them well into their 20s and none of them were harmed by it, quite the opposite.

I’m so sorry to read this.

For this reason exactly it would put me off.

I have children and so won't have my place as the default address. A past partner had his own flat then had to move back in with his mum for various reasons. Killed the relationship as we had nowhere to go after a few drinks.

Also, I'd worry that he'd very quickly be at hers all the time, cocklodger before you know it.

I think it's very common in other countries, it used to be the case Italy. It's also a great use of resources and a companionable way to live.

Where there are low rents, decent pay and job security, why not move out?

Maybe it's perspective but I wouldn't be put off by a 'childhood bedroom'. Unless it genuinely looked like, well, a child's bedroom.
Same with parents as well, unless they were cold/unwelcoming/judging whatsoever. My exes who lived at home well their parents just left us to it.

I suppose it's also because in London, where a lot of my dating was, a shared house was more of a problem. No kitchen space, rules on overnight guests, drama etc I found people living at home much easier. Of course owning their own place, or sharing a flat with one other person would be ideal but not everyone has that.

@Allshallbewell2021 sadly those conditions don't describe most desirable areas in the UK, in 2023.
Although, I'd raise an eyebrow at someone earning a good salary, living in a cheap place but choosing not to move out. Think teacher or nurse in a more deprived area whose salaries would be higher than average as based on the national payscale.

But then again. Maybe they want to save to move out of said deprived area as quickly as possible. Idk.

No matter what I think we're all entitled to be out off by whatever we want. And be as choosy as possible. So what I think is immaterial.

I know times are different now, but I'd still be a bit weirded out by a man that's still living at home at 25 tbh.

There's saving and there's mooching.

Sorry Pingversuspong, I was very unclear; I meant to imply the opposite - that because rents are high etc therefore more people will live at home. Pressed post too quickly.

The economic environment is massively different when I moved out in the 90s.