Would this put you off a man-never moved out

[Urghhhcba]

A friend of mine is interested in a 31 year old, but she's found out he's never lived away from home apart from going to uni halls.
Like never been in a serious relationship/lived with a woman or even just moved into a place on his own. Like he's saving but she's just really put off him now.

Husband was also helping run the family farm so there was no point in him living miles away. The farm cottage, which technically he could have lived in, was rented out.

Depends on the individual. Some people who never left home have never grown up, others are effectively independent and pay their way, do their own washing/cleaning/cooking.

On the face of it, yes. But I would give him a chance. I'd want to find out quickly whether he's just lazy, his mummy is still doing his washing etc. Some live at home to save but are also responsible adults.

Not a bloody chance!

You could dump him and exchange for someone with a large gaff and a colourful relationship history.

But bear in mind in order to secure that it is likely that you also have to be capable of bringing something to the party.

If a 30 year old can’t afford a house share, then he’s not going to be able to rent a flat with his girlfriend and plan a future with her anyway, so it would already seem like a dead end.

It depends on the situation but in general, yes it would put me off. DH & I are in our twenties and moved out after saving like mad for years, his older brother is 31 and lives at home still. He’s got no motivation to move out as he loves having everything done for him and being able to spend all of his money on takeaways and nights out so maybe that is what is skewing my perspective!

Depends, 31 and mature, contributing (in terms of housework as well as finance) in the house - but saving to be able to buy a house for example - not so much of an issue.

Not a penny to name and very much still 'babied'- yes would put me off!

It's only off-putting if he's a man. Women are allowed to do this.

It wouldn't be a definite no but I'd clock it. It would depend on other things.

It might not bother me at all if everything else was ok.

31 is quite old though.

Depends, if he’s living spending recklessly and not saving and not contributing towards the bills, likewise if he’s at home not doing housework, having all his meals cooked for him (like my older brother who’s 40) yes it would as hes probably lazy and expects the same from a partner.

if hes been sensible with his money, pulls his weight around the house, both monetary and housework wise it wouldn’t bother me

It would put me off. Living independently is such an important life skill - DH was living in flat shares when I met him, so no need to be able to afford a place to yourself.

My DS is in that position - he's autistic and would struggle to live independently (functionally and financially). I'm sure he could make a good partner but he is less independent than many women would want.

It would have put me off many years ago but I met a man who was around 33 when he left home, he bought a house outright, no uni debt and had a really good well paid job. As a parent now I hope my own child will stay longer so that he can go into the world able to do the same.

You could live independently and be a slob who survives on takeaways or live with your parents and do all your own cooking, washing etc and be really responsible. So I don't think living at home or not is any real indicator of anything. It certainly hasn't been when I was dating.

I married a man like this. He pulls his weight but did need a bit of training up!

He has pride and is a good bloke so no problems here.

It would depend how independent he is at home and whether he cooks family meals as part of the family rota as well as food shopping etc. If his parents do everything for him then that is a completely different kettle of fish.

31 and still living at home just shows how hard it is to get on the property ladder especially if you are by yourself.

Having said that - his mum and him were like velcro strips and they both got a very big shock when I came on the scene.

She was picking his outfits and making his bed for him when i stayed over, telling him what he can and can't eat, micro managing his every move.

He really did step up though. I gave him a very clear uktimatum. If he wants to be with me, he needs to step into manhood, say no to his mum, create boundaries and pull his weight around the house.

So yes, he did step up, with bells on!

Moved in after 2 years and married after 6 years.

It really depends. You have to talk it through, see the changes happen before committing seriously. Lots of people are forced to live at home due to rents (he is from London and was on low wages) it's down to the individual to step up. Deffo shouldn't be a deal breaker on its own.

Yeah I agree with others that if depends. If he’s doing his own cooking, laundry, cleaning and contributes something financially even if just a token amount. That would be a different matter than if he were still living like a 12 year old boy with everything done for him and not contributing to the household .

I had lived abroad twice as an adult , and worked and lived in 3 UK cities by the time I was that age. So it might indicate to me we are very different people, which isn’t always a bad thing but something to consider in terms of compatibility and future plans.

Overall I don’t think I’d hold it against him if I was confident he was still independent, not a mummy’s boy etc, because let’s face it many people wouldn’t have been able to live outside their parents home if they didn’t get into a relationship where they could split the rent of a one bed flat and flat-shares aren’t for everyone.

I’m more suspicious of the men who quickly latch onto a woman just for the sake of having somewhere to live other than their parents.

Super common in London & often quite prudent to save money given high living costs!

Probably depends on what part of the country you live in, but this is not unusual at all in London

But we only have what OP has said. Maybe e travels a lot. There are loads of reasons why he might still live at home. He could be a carer or anything.

Personally if I liked him, I would get to know him.

Him living at home means nothing.

I do have a friend whose partner is about 34 and he’s never left home. He has been in a well paid job for a while now and his parents are financially stable. It’s not my business but personally I do find that situation weird only for the fact they’ve been in a relationship for about a decade now. She lives near him in her own flat which he doesn’t contribute to since he officially lives with his parents - but he’s over at her flat nearly every day when he’s not working. So seems to be having his cake and eating it. That to me would definitely be a red flag.

🤣 That image made me howl

It would a little. When dp and I met he was 26 and had always lived at home. I did hesitate but went for it in the end. We are very happy 5 years down the line but the first 6 months after we moved in together were a nightmare. He didn't know how to use a washing machine. Didn't know how to boil pasta. Really basic things. This was after assuring me he was independent and did everything for himself at his mums.
So if for any reason I was single and dating again, I'd likely avoid the risk of having to teach a grown man these things again.

He didn't know how to use a washing machine. Didn't know how to boil pasta. Really basic things. This was after assuring me he was independent and did everything for himself at his mums.

So he lied basically.

I’ve never dated or even been friends with a man younger than 45 who struggles with this kind of stuff. I know these men are out there of course but just never encountered them.

Whether you’re living at home or not not knowing how to do basic cooking and laundry is so bizarre to me. My friends 13 year old son cooks the family dinner every Friday. I grew up with two older brothers who could definitely use the washing machine and do at least basic cooking etc by their teen years.

My DP lived with his parents until his 40's for 3 reasons
1I was happy living on my own and wasn't ready for him to move in
2 He didn't want to live alone as the thought of having a seizure home alone and going into "Status" scared the shit out of him
3 he didn't want to house share as most people don't react well to someone having a seizure in front of them.

He cooks, cleans, pays his share of the bills and is the kindest most loving man I know....far better than ExH who left home at 18 and turned out to be a complete knob.