Would this put you off a man-never moved out

[Urghhhcba]

A friend of mine is interested in a 31 year old, but she's found out he's never lived away from home apart from going to uni halls.
Like never been in a serious relationship/lived with a woman or even just moved into a place on his own. Like he's saving but she's just really put off him now.

It would make me wary, but it depends on the circumstances. If he's got an apartment in the left wing and will inherit the whole pile when Daddy dies, that's different from being in a three-bed semi. I grew up on a farm - it's not unusual in agriculture when you're all working the same land, especially if you've got a dairy and need to do the milking.

It would also depend on what he does in the house - what cooking, food shopping, housework, laundry, etc? If he's actively contributing to running the household, that's a better thing than if he still expects his mother to run round after him. Also if there are any caring responsibilities, like a disabled parent.

All seems very shallow abit like people who don't like it, if men can't drive.

Disagree. It's off-putting for men and women. Where's their sense of drive? Of wanting independence? Of craving wanting to forge their own way in the world? If someone can't afford a house share, then they're obviously not paying their way at home. And if someone's finances are so poor they can't afford to support themselves they should be focusing on that before dating seriously.

It would probably put me off tbh. But more would depend on the specific dynamic with his parents - if he lets them keep him under the thumb or if it’s just financial reasons. And if he’s helpless with domestic stuff or not. know a guy who lived at home til his early 40s before actively looking to meet someone, met her, married and had kids in quick succession. Nice guy. Maybe a mammas boy 👦 or maybe just late starter.

Depends entirely on the person and the circumstances. DH was still living at home and. 28 when we met (previous failed relationship and had moved back with parents - I was also in the same position)

One of my best male friends still lives with parents at almost 50. Never found the right person but felt couldn’t move out and leave parents after tragic death of his brother aged 21. He is one of the nicest people I know

Yes it would put me off, but I think it is going to become common, and both men and women are going to be living at home until they are 40.

If he was actually saving for a house, and was almost there - then no. But, if the 'saving for a house' was actually a code for 'I like living at home because my Mum does my washing and I have no intention of moving out' then it definitely would, it entirely depends on the situation.

It would be a red flag for me but I'm sure others wouldn't care.

I will preface this by saying that I am a details person.
And honestly, if someone said 'I took 10k out of savings to go travelling' 'I was caring for xxx' or 'I had a period of health issues' or even 'yep, I blew my way through my money for several years irresponsibly but now I'm saving like mad' then I would be asking a few more questions to suss out the validity (and I'd watch how they behaved domestically and how they spoke to and about their parents VERY carefully) but fair enough. But I'd want to kind of see evidence (not just talk) of real effort on their part to improve their earnings, save, actually conversations with a mortgage broker about options etc.

However I know the three men I know living at home at aged 30 are all lazy, entitled man children, not paying any rent or keep, still having mummy do their washing, and spending their money on takeout and gaming.
(Loads of responsible gamers out there but these three ain't it)
And if you asked them they'd say 'well, it's expensive isn't it, can't afford it'
Where the fuck has all that money gone then....
I work very hard for my financial independence, and I would struggle to get along with someone who wasn't the same.

How deeply sexist of you.

As almost all PPs have said - it depends. Does he live a near-independent life, doing his own cooking, laundry, cleaning etc and he's living at home simply to save money or because there is nowhere affordable to live as a singleton? Or does he rely on mum (or other female) to 'care' for him, while he regards running the hoover round on a Sunday and occasionally buying a takeaway for the family as 'an equal contribution to the housework'?

It has been my experience that men who live at home tend to have ideas of how a household should be run (in other words, everything should be done the way his mum does it) and they like to offer 'critique' on the way you live. But, then again, men who live alone can be only too glad to hand over all the household reins to the first available woman, so I guess you pays your money....

I mean times have changed and life is expensive so I accept staying at home longer to save is normal these days. I also guess how independent they are.

However I did date someone for 18 months who lived at home. He was 45, never moved out, still lived in his same childhood room, in the same single bed with the same posters he had on the wall as a teen. His brother, 4 years old exactly the same, never left still in same room, same bed etc.. they didn't cook. Do the washing. Nothing. But nobody knew! Mutual friends assumed the same as me, the house mates they complained off were house mates. Not their mum who still had a curfew for them and demanded they turn their phones off before she served dinner. I hung around about a month after finding out. They kept wanting me to come over for tea, I did once and I felt like I was about 15 not a 30 something, divorced mother and home owner. I swore never again.

Happily married now to someone who left home the same age as me, 16.

It would put me off, if they didn’t go you university they’d have had approximately 13 years to either save up a deposit to rent or buy and get their act together. In my mind 28 is the cut off age.

Ladies, you are ruling out a whole bunch of hot Asian men! I can say that, because I am Asian.

And you said it'd put you off

Yes, it does put me off. I don't believe in multi-generational living. I was being facetious.

Yeah it probably would put me off. Not even moving out with your mates in a shared house or something is a bit odd.

Does he not have a circle of friends?

I really hope not. I have a 31 yr old at home, he has had a few relationships but he is actually next week seeing a mortgage advisor as he has now saved enough for a deposit, fees and hopefully most of his furniture. But hey ho feel free to judge the fantastic work ethic that he has.

Does that not depend on their job and how they progress?

I think it depends on the whole picture. If he has mummy cooking all his meals and wiping his bum then yes it’s a big no no but if he’s actually saving and has a good job and seems to have his shit together it’s more understandable.

My comment was actually made sarcastically. I honestly don't know any women who would be 'discriminated' against for living at home though. I highly doubt men would be on DN saying their girlfriend still lives at home, with men demonising her because she has to (in effect) 'grow up', and that it's a red flag like some of the comments above.

It's like how men staying at home while their wife works are seen the same way; these are cocklodgers.

My DS is 32 and still at home. The only way to buy a house with a single income is with a large deposit. Hopefully by the end of this year he will purchase a house with a 50% deposit.

Would that put you off too? Is that not just showing financial competence?

OP said they lived in uni halls so I assume they did go to uni.

I assume she would have said so if there was a reason like being a carer — she said he’s ‘saving’. ‘Getting on the property ladder’ is not sufficient reason for me for prolonging adolescence well into adulthood by living longterm with your parents. I don’t think it’s good for most people.

And? Do women’s preferences have to match men’s for some reason? Women tend to be less focused on looks than men, we’re all different and there’s nothing wrong with that.