Meeting daughter's boyfriend- what's the etiquette here?

[tiredmama23]

Probably a daft question but this is new territory for me. My 17 year old DD has been dating a guy since just before Christmas, so only a couple months, and wants me to meet him. Apparently he's quite keen to meet me too. I've agreed to go for tea this evening with them both (with my DH, DD's stepdad, and her younger sister). What's the etiquette? Do we offer to pay for him? I think yes, DH thinks no because he's an adult man with a well paid job?) However since he's only 18 I'm still seeing him as a child and thinking we should pay?

We aren't rolling in cash this month so I see DH's point, but I'd feel a bit tight to not pay for him? But then if he's having a lot to drink then I don't want to end up with that bill 🤦🏼‍♀️

Thoughts? How would you play this?

It would be very mean not to pay for him. Any future meetings can be informal with them just calling in on you at home.

Yes but maybe he should bring his own snacks to keep it fair.

I just clicked to read all the OP replies after the initial post. I couldn't believe there was over 40 of them! It didn't seem the kind of thread where that amount of input from the OP was necessary. Turns out most of them is just the poor OP repeating herself again and again! Glad the meal @tiredmama23 you deserve a drink after dealing with people who don't even read the updates 😂

@Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated
😂 Glad someone noticed 😂

How have you not met him yet? Where do they see each other?

My dds bf just came over to our house for dinner (a lot!)

I'd be assuming you'll be paying for him but I wouldn't have agreed to a meal out in the first place especially if money is tight.

Why did you not want to meet him after 2 weeks?
At that age I'd have just classed him as one of DD's friends after 2 weeks and met him when he popped round to the house.
I find it strange you said no to meeting him when she suggested it first

Agree with @MorrisZapp

They agreed. They paid.

I've been out :) and was hoping to find an update on my return.

So pleased it all went well !

OP. May I just say, I think you win this week's prize for most patient original poster.

Pay for the lad’s dinner. Your DH is being tight.

Except for work expenses situations, I've literally never gone out and not paid for myself post-16. I don't get the "etiquette" thing. It's confusing. Even if someone pays my share I bank transfer my share. Even to my mam. Etiquette or not, I don't want it biting me on the arse in future.

Imagine going to beefeater and someone else paying but your turn comes around and your at the shard 🤣🤣🤣

The lad is 18. He’s barely an adult and I doubt he really has a “well paid job”.

It’s a cheap meal so be decent and pay. You’ve said it’s a cheap pub meal and don’t encourage drinking. He sounds like a decent lad so doubtful he’d want to get wasted.

Your husband sounds rather mean. Be nice and support your daughter.

You and your immediate family never pay for each other? That sounds odd to me.

Glad it all went well Op thanks for updating.

I'm glad it went well!

I’d pay, and did when we met DS’s girlfriend

@FramboiseRoyale
Thank you, I shall graciously accept my well deserved prize. 🥇😂

Even in my mid-twenties my boyfriend’s family have never let me or expected me to pay for dinner, and vice versa.

I think if you pay for your child you pay for the partner, otherwise it would be really odd.

The funny thing is as the parents and kids get older the roles reverse. When I’d go out for lunch with my elderly mum I’d always pay.

Eventually they agreed but there'd have been no need for this thread if the op and her tight dh just did what every other parent did without giving it a second thought.

@Janiie
I didn't know what "every other parent did" with an ADULT friend of their child, because as I said this was new territory for me, having never before had my child invite an adult for dinner.

I've since updated that we had a lovely time and very much warmed to the lad, and am very happy with my daughter's choice of boyfriend.

So why are you banging on (and on) about how the "family will cope at Christmas time and holidays", are you being deliberately obtuse? By the time such times come around my daughter will presumably have been dating the lad for some time and we'll know him well, and there'll be no need to second guess etiquette as it'll be familiar to me having another adult essentially become like part of the family. However, as it stood when I posted, it was brand new territory for me and my DH had slightly made me second guess myself. And so I posted for opinions.

What part of that is so agonisingly difficult for you? I've already won the award for most patient poster having explained the same points over and over appropriately 58,486,349 times 😂 But theres a limit to even my patience at this point 😬

Oh well I look forward to that then. However I am still in my 30s and therefore many, many years away from elderly, so I shall have to wait some time to get my burger and chips back in return 🤣🤣

It’s quite unkind and sort of says you that you think he’s not worthy of your money for one mediocre meal if you expect him to pay, he’s 18 and an adult by technicality only. 18 is still a teenager and your dd wants to impress, you will embarrass her and yourself. Your dh is being ridiculous.