To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

I agree that he got used to OP travelling to him. And that might make sense if he has ahotel paid for by work but it's made him treat OP as a commodity.

If she makes the effort to travel 2 hours to him he should be there to meet her at the station.

I'm with you op and would have felt exactly the same.

He played nice at the beginning and once “he had you secured” and doing all the leg work that’s when he showed his true colours. Bullet dodged OP. I still believe you made yourself too readily available for him. You should have make him do the leg work instead of serving yourself in a silver platter, you probably would have seen his true colours before.

But an adult conversation or decision is what's needed, not a strop at the station. Its poor communication.

there's a lot of comments on here like this. The OP overreacted, can't communicate what she wanted etc. Basically that the situation is all her fault.

But she communicated very clearly in her text. She explained the difficulties of her day, the lack of taxi, rain, heavy case etc to put her feelings into context.

I think she made everything really clear.

His response was "OK" and then crickets.

A decent person who gave a damn about her would have expressed some kind of concern that she was upset, or called.

Why is deciding to leave because she wasn't being treated well a strop or over reaction?

She'd realised that he had no respect for her and left. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I wouldn't block only out of curiosity to see if he actually makes contact.
But don't approach him. I totally get that you felt used and let down. The fact that he didn't make any attempt to apologise or communicate says all you need to know.
Don't get in contact with him. Move on to better things

No he hadn’t messaged since 10am that morning. So I messaged at 6.30pm, half an hour before (he knew) my train was getting in as we hadn’t spoken about where to meet.

so no not part of a chain. That particular bit.

What a ridiculous overreaction!!
Unless he has form for being an arsehole

But why didn't you discuss it? You say he assumed, but it seems as though you also assumed he'd be meeting you/be willing to meet you at the station?

So a lack of communication all round.

If he usually meets you at the tube near where he lives - and now hasn’t gone to the train station after he booked a hotel - is there a chance he was just in holiday mode and taking advantage of the hotel facilities to relax etc? See I would not want a partner of mine to leave the hotel when it’s a 10min walk from the train station - I would think it’s a waste of effort coming to the train when he could be enjoying the hotel and I am quite capable of meeting him there.

I think it's worse that he hasn't contacted you to make sure you are OK when you just didn't arrive without giving an explanation .

If you've travelled 2 hrs to see him I don't think it's asking much for him to do a ten minute walk to meet you. I absolutely understand how you felt about it.

I actually thought it was better to leave as it was the stronger thing to do. Rather than whining and complaining but not following up.

that’s why I took so long to respond. I was sitting in a bar next to the station wondering what the hell to do 😞

I wasn’t aware I had to communicate things that I would expect out of basic courtesy. But I genuinely wonder if I’m going mental given some of the responses. I worried I’d overreacted and whether to message today but given he hasn’t, as you said, there’s my answer.

thank you though x

I totally agree with this.

The Ok was dismissive and no follow up was uncaring.

Honestly, wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t call an escort.

Lucky swerve OP.

She texted and asked where they were meeting. He sent a flirty, jokey comment back but didn't actually respond. Unless he really thought she was going to turn up, in the rain, with her all bags, with nothing on under her coat so she could jump his bones?

She tried to communicate. He wasn't interested.

So even if her response was a bit OTT, it didn't come out of nowhere.

OP, you’re the massive red flag in this. Imagine if the story was the other way round and you were posting on here from the POV of the other person, we’d all be telling you he was crazy and not worth it

To be honest I don’t see the problem with his initial texts, in fact the first one was nice and flirty, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it. He waited a while before following up with the next text, maybe he should have read the room a little better as you hadn’t responded, however he was at the gym. He said he’d come and meet you in reception, it’s not like he was literally in bed waiting for you.

He probably wrongly assumed you’d get a taxi as it was raining and probably felt it was a complete waste of money him catching a taxi to the station to then catch another taxi back with you.

If I was at home and someone was coming to visit me, if the station was walkable or I had a car I’d pop along and meet them. Unless they were elderly, disabled, had a troop of kids or mountains of luggage with them I wouldn’t consider catching public transport or a taxi to meet them though. If we were meeting up in a town/city away from either of our homes it’s wouldn’t occur to me to expect someone to come and physically meet me at the station. I’m a capable adult, who can order a taxi or Uber.

I think the real problem is that you were tired and stressed and just generally fed up by that point and that’s okay, you’d travelled a long way. Yes your text was a complete overreaction, however he should have responded better at that point. He could see that you’d taken what he’d said the wrong way and most people who try and rescue the situation at that point and put things right.

I think if you were going to be direct, you should have told him he was treating you like a prostitute/booty call. The Uber stuff sounds a bit unhinged. It sounds far too much effort with the traveling, anyway.

Yeah he’s not bothered about you. Sorry OP. But keep trusting your gut, if it makes you feel shit, regardless of intention, then you feel shit! And you deserve better. Next!

"I had a bag full of brownies I’d made him for his birthday and I just felt like a twat. I didn’t until that moment, feel like his feelings weren’t reciprocated or that I was chasing. It actually felt more the opposite. He seemed more keen on me. "

. You've had a hard time on here. I don't think there's much ability to by posters to read between the lines or even show some basic humanity in AIBU.

I was in a similar situation. Kind of casual, kind of not. I'm in my 50s and he is in his 60s. Because I couldn't give him the commitment he said he wanted because I have kids an elderly Dad and a full time job I couldn't spend that much time with him. I had a moment of clarity similar to yours also when he just couldn't be arsed to take me anywhere or do anything with me other than go round his house. I'm still fond of him and we did end up talking about it. But he misread me totally. And I ended up feeling like a fool. Move on. Yanbu and he's not for you.

Well done on calling him out on his shitty behaviour.
Not surprised he hasn't responded as your last message to him was essentially saying it was over.
Good job on maintainig your standards and congratulations on the lucky escape.
Block him and dont give him any more headspace.

OP do not message this guy. Regardless of whether your reaction was ok or not-he still hasnt checked you are home safe. That would be enough for me to think he doesn't give a shit.

Good lord, clearly I'm well out of touch as well.I'm old fashioned enough to wonder why he thought it was ok to NOT be at the station to meet you. Surely it's just common courtesy and good manners when you are constantly travelling for his convenience. Yes,you're a grown up, yes, you're capable of making your own way there.I get it. But IMO he's a self entitled prick and I would have high tailed it back home as well.

I disagree, if it were a woman in the hotel completely unable to meet a guy in the station (a man with a heavy suitcase who got up at 5 am who had really gone out of his way and travelled two hours just to see her) who then gets a text with a “I’ll see you in bed” response I would think the woman is treating the poor guy like a piece of meat.

I disagree. If I’d have got that text, I’d have gone radio silence too. Total overreaction and not someone I’d be wanting to spend time with at that point.

i think its a bit much saying any woman who thinks you were unreasonable has low standards.

As this is our standard for a casual meeting with a long distance hook up who we are not exclusive with. We expect to get ourselves to the hotel if it hasn't been discussed before (and i'd generally have confirmed whether we are meeting at hotel or train early, i'd assume we'd be going to hotel first so i could drop my bags anyway, with or without shagging when there)

Different if this is an actual boyfriend, who we had agreed we were exclusive and then i'd expect them to meet me at the station (or have discussed clearly meeting arrangements first and what makes most logical sense in terms of later plans)

but whilst i think the chap wasn't unreasonable in his actions, i also don't think what OP did is bad from her POV, as she was looking for something more than was on offer.

so its a learning exercise - casual non exclusive dating is not for you. One needs to HAVE THE CHAT these days (ah i recall my plenty of fish date asking after 5 dates whether he could make us "in a relationship" on Facebook, simpler times!)