To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

Well done. I would have done the same thing.

What a shame.
I think he is very embarrassed and bewildered at your text and didn’t see it coming, hence the ‘ok.’
Probably kicking himself for not realising he should been a little chivalrous in this instance. I think you wanted him to act on his own, other wise you would have said a more direct: ‘Hey, I’ll be at the station at x time, are you meeting me or shall I make my own way?’ That might have been the way to go.
i have had dates where I would definitely have to spell it out that I would like them to meet me, doesn’t make them bad people.

It's not about needing an escort OP is perfectly capable of carrying her own luggage. I could technically take myself, the 3DC and all our bags through an airport, but DH would not just say "I'll be in the bar for my leisure time, see you at the departure gate." Because he's not a twat.

It's not about being a poor feckless woman needing a white knight to hold open doors. It's about someone travelling hours to see you, and rather than meeting them as they arrive, taking yourself off for some leisure time with the expectation they deliver themselves to your hotel room to meet you "in bed."

@Moonlightandroses44

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. From that text exchange, he sounds - barely literate, whereas you sound intelligent and able to express your emotions.

Yes, he should have considered your day, how you feel etc etc. He could have met you at the station - he was being selfish.

@Moonlightandroses44

"FWIW if the roles were reversed I still would have met him. Because I feel like it’s just polite. And I’m very ‘traditional’ when it comes to relationships."

Well yes, that's a lovely consideration to give someone. I would possibly (probably?) do the same, depending on the situation. Hell, my late husband would rather have scooped his eye out with a rusty spoon than not met me from my destination, but the point I'm making is that although it's a lovely thing to do, it's most certainly not an expectation that anyone should have unless it's a precedent or agreement, and not any reason to spit the dummy if it isn't automatically done.

My main issue was with all the answers that insinuated that a man isn't interested or gentlemanly if he doesn't escort his fair woman from the perils of getting to their agreed destination in the dark with her (heavy 🤔) suitcase.

We are all adults, responsible for getting ourselves where we need to go. If someone doesn't fulfil the niceties that we would like, then we are free not to engage with them again, but it doesn't make them a bad person, or mean that they are in the wrong.

I think his “ok” response says it all really! No, “oh im really sorry, i was joking, yes you are right i should have met you at the station etc”.

This gets even better with every update. So rather than being an inconsiderate bastard, you say he was very attentive throughout your relationship and met you at the station many times previously. And now based on one time he didn't do so, you went ballistic and threw a massive text tantrum? He had a lucky escape.

Same here.

Some people have a bloody low bar for relationships!

Good for you for moving on OP. This one isn't a good catch.

Hi op, looking at his messages, they were casual responses to your messages and he doesn’t come across as taking you seriously at all. It’s almost as if he finds the whole thing a joke. The fact he just responded with “ok” and has not been in touch since shows you exactly where you stand with him. He was using you for sex, he didn’t care enough to even check to make sure you got home ok. That is all you need to know about him! Move on and find someone who is not such a waste of space

You are not overreacting. He sounds like an entitled douche with no respect for you or your feelings. Why would you possibly want to continue on with someone like that? I think that you did the right thing.

Can I say that I am beyond proud of you and the fact that you not only recognised that you weren't being treated with care and respect, based on what you view that as, but you also did something about it.

So, so many women will accept sub-standard treatment because they want to be the 'cool girl', and some women are like-minded, and they see no issue with such behaviour, that's ok too. I think he hasn't put anywhere near as much effort in as you have. You were right to say how you feel, and his response 'ok' says it all.

Value yourself, OP. Others either will or won't. You can make a choice each time.

He should have offered to meet you, but given he’s met you every other time, you should have had a proper conversation about how disappointed you were and why he didn’t offer this time.

The bed comment was clearly joking.

You text was way off and if I ever received something like that I wouldn’t respond either. I’d think thank God I’d missed a bullet.

In other words, you need to communicate more clearly in future and not build up resentment until the point you explode.

Friends travelling to me by train I tell them ‘taxis out front of station approx £25 to my house, text me when you get in the taxi and I’ll pay when you arrive. Here’s the post code and house number again’

this is because I don’t have a car and it’s a distance to the station. Usually we discuss the how and when earlier and we’ll sporadically update through the journey.

if I was working nearby I would meet them and taxi together.

in your scenario, if he’d been a smart man and wanted sex coming to meet you and getting sopping wet whilst helping you with your bag would’ve been a good reason to get naked together. It would’ve been win win for both of you.

he’s not that smart, clearly

I don't think OP was worried about perils or thinking he was a bad person.

It's more than he's showing he's not keen and happy to let her make all the effort.

When someone is into you, they make the effort. It's not wrong of OP to want someone who's keen to see her and makes an effort. That's the bare minimum in my view.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Personally, I wouldn't want or expect him to meet me at the station. However... based on this exchange, I think I also would have just turned around and gone home.

The "in bed" comment was flirty, and vaguely amusing, but as you hadn't heard from him all day and you had specifically asked him what the plans were for meeting up, it should have immediately been followed up with something like, "all okay with your journey? Do you need help getting to the hotel or do want to grab a taxi and text me when you're on your way and I'll come down?"

The ok response at the end says it all.
If he remotely cared he would have called you.

Run.

There’s been odd comments that were a bit off. Subtly ‘letting me know my place’. Negging really.

I ignored it as it was at odds with his actions. Until now. So maybe that why it looked like I ‘threw a tantrum’.

Also, it's clear you're not compatible - you were upset and whether or not you were right or wrong, if he was vaguely genuinely interested he would have apologised or explained or something. But he clearly thinks you are the red flag.

So even though I think he as in the wrong, at the end of the day, you're not compatible.

This.

I definitely think you did the right thing op he wasn't thinking of your needs at all only his own.

You have not overreacted, not even a little bit. If this is how he treats you at the start of your relationship, what are you to expect further? Run!

You were a convenient shag for him and you are correct, a very simple and easy act of kindness would have been to meet you at the station with his car. He sounds selfish. You did well not to waste any more time. Next!

On MN it really depends upon the day you post and the reaction of the first few posters which today seem to be solidly 'you are unreasonable' and enjoy being mean and suggesting you threw a tantrum. Other days the first few posters would say that your not unreasonable and the thread unfolds in your favour. You just can't tell.

Hey OP
You state he messaged you 30 mins before your train was due and you eventually asked him where you were meeting up.
what were those previous messages? Was the "in the bed" comment part of a previous chain of flirtatious comments?
To me this seems like a joke that has landed really really badly, which can happen when you're first getting to know someone.

If you were only going for a few days would not have assumed you had a very heavy case - and sorry I would not expect someone to meet me at the station for a 10min walk to a hotel.
but it’s ok you have these expectations and find someone better suited to you