Page 10 | To block him after this? (Text exchange)

Moonlightandroses44 · 2024-02-23T07:42:36+00:00

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy. He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised. He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing. To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong. AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock. Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened? The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/02/2024 10:50

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 10:36

I actually thought it was better to leave as it was the stronger thing to do. Rather than whining and complaining but not following up.

that’s why I took so long to respond. I was sitting in a bar next to the station wondering what the hell to do 😞

I wasn’t aware I had to communicate things that I would expect out of basic courtesy. But I genuinely wonder if I’m going mental given some of the responses. I worried I’d overreacted and whether to message today but given he hasn’t, as you said, there’s my answer.

thank you though x

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Hi OP.. Sorry I didn't make it clear, the sentence at the top of my post in bold was a quote from another poster.

I don't think you over reacted. You communicated really clearly in your text and put your feelings into context by explaining the difficult day you'd had.

And not bothering to let you know all day where you are actually meeting when he knows you have a long journey to get to a place you'd never met in before is just plain rude.

I think you did the right thing.

He confirmed this with his uncaring one word reply and lack of response since.

paintingvenice · 23/02/2024 10:50

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 10:36

I actually thought it was better to leave as it was the stronger thing to do. Rather than whining and complaining but not following up.

that’s why I took so long to respond. I was sitting in a bar next to the station wondering what the hell to do 😞

I wasn’t aware I had to communicate things that I would expect out of basic courtesy. But I genuinely wonder if I’m going mental given some of the responses. I worried I’d overreacted and whether to message today but given he hasn’t, as you said, there’s my answer.

thank you though x

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You don’t need to explain yourself to people on a message board. If you aren’t feeling the vibe for whatever reason, you are 100% entitled to walk away at any time.

Too many women are worried about being seen as uptight or a stick in the mud so would go along with something, which then encourages this sort of behaviour.

Any partner, FWB, relationship or even one night stand should be about making you feel good about yourself. If it doesn’t, or you’re not excited to be there then walk away. Which you did. Right call.

Chaiilatte · 23/02/2024 10:51

How often do you see him? Sounds like he's not single and sees you when he's away at work. Do you only see him on weekends when he's working away from home?

GreigeO · 23/02/2024 10:51

Why on earth would he assume you had a heavy suitcase How long were you expecting to stay?

Yours sounds like the sort of text you'd send during the sulky miserable tail end of a long relationship, so if I were him I'd seeing it as a sign of things to come, and glad you'd shown your true colours.

What's all this about 'servicing him'? Those are your words, not his. If you're not looking forward to, and excited by, the sex, then why are you seeing him in the first place?

Original poster

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 10:52

Chaiilatte · 23/02/2024 10:51

How often do you see him? Sounds like he's not single and sees you when he's away at work. Do you only see him on weekends when he's working away from home?

No he’s definitely single and I have been to his house.

he’s not really had a properly long term relationship, and now I think I can see why!

OP posts:

SerafinasGoose · 23/02/2024 10:54

This thread is astonishing. For a supposed 'enlightened' age, the bar for the standards some women are willing to accept from men is set woefully low.

For some unfathomable reason, such women then seem to want to persuade other women to accept a similarly low bar. They'll apply significant pressure, rudeness and sarcasm - there must, of course, be something wrong with the woman not the using prick of a bloke - in order to do so. I'm curious as to why. But whenever I've asked this question no one appears able to offer a cogent answer. Ad hominem attacks are the usual response.

It's not you who are in the wrong, or are in need of examining your own behaviour, OP. It's them.

Your response to this man's appalling sense of expectation that you will run rings around him for the privilege of being let into his bed hit an absolutely perfect note. His ego needs taking down a notch.

He's a CF. He's showing you who he is and I, for one, am absolutely delighted that you believe him. Your instincts are highly unlikely to be wrong given this isn't the only time he's revealed feet of clay.

I would block him.

Original poster

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 10:54

GreigeO · 23/02/2024 10:51

Why on earth would he assume you had a heavy suitcase How long were you expecting to stay?

Yours sounds like the sort of text you'd send during the sulky miserable tail end of a long relationship, so if I were him I'd seeing it as a sign of things to come, and glad you'd shown your true colours.

What's all this about 'servicing him'? Those are your words, not his. If you're not looking forward to, and excited by, the sex, then why are you seeing him in the first place?

I had all my work stuff as I am working remotely today. Which he knew.

I find it hard to see how expecting me to travel for over two hours to his hotel for sex is not me servicing him. I just read it and my heart sank.

of course before now I’ve enjoyed and been excited about the sex.

OP posts:

SameSameButDeliverance · 23/02/2024 10:56

Team OP here. I’d have expected to be met at the station - or at the very least, an offer of meeting.

I’d feel the same as you OP.

beatrix1234 · 23/02/2024 10:56

burnoutbabe · 23/02/2024 10:49

i think its a bit much saying any woman who thinks you were unreasonable has low standards.

As this is our standard for a casual meeting with a long distance hook up who we are not exclusive with. We expect to get ourselves to the hotel if it hasn't been discussed before (and i'd generally have confirmed whether we are meeting at hotel or train early, i'd assume we'd be going to hotel first so i could drop my bags anyway, with or without shagging when there)

Different if this is an actual boyfriend, who we had agreed we were exclusive and then i'd expect them to meet me at the station (or have discussed clearly meeting arrangements first and what makes most logical sense in terms of later plans)

but whilst i think the chap wasn't unreasonable in his actions, i also don't think what OP did is bad from her POV, as she was looking for something more than was on offer.

so its a learning exercise - casual non exclusive dating is not for you. One needs to HAVE THE CHAT these days (ah i recall my plenty of fish date asking after 5 dates whether he could make us "in a relationship" on Facebook, simpler times!)

Sorry we seem to have different standards with men. People need to expect to be treated kindly, by casual sex partners, husbands and boyfriends. The fact you’re having a casual no strings relationship with a person doesn’t give you the right to be unkind and treat her/him like a piece of meat. Personally I only get into casual sex relationships with people willing to treat me like a human being. I think you should do too.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 23/02/2024 10:59

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/02/2024 10:31

But an adult conversation or decision is what's needed, not a strop at the station. Its poor communication.

there's a lot of comments on here like this. The OP overreacted, can't communicate what she wanted etc. Basically that the situation is all her fault.

But she communicated very clearly in her text. She explained the difficulties of her day, the lack of taxi, rain, heavy case etc to put her feelings into context.

I think she made everything really clear.

His response was "OK" and then crickets.

A decent person who gave a damn about her would have expressed some kind of concern that she was upset, or called.

Why is deciding to leave because she wasn't being treated well a strop or over reaction?

She'd realised that he had no respect for her and left. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I had to go back and read the OPs post and text messages before replying to you, as I wasn't sure I had it right, however... the OP only communicated all of these issue that she had after almost an hour of her "date" messaging her post his "in bed" text message.

It's not like she sent him a message while on the train, eg "it's been a long day for me, looks like it's gonna be raining when I arrive, I've ended up with a super heavy suitcase with work stuff, and I'm pretty whacked". If she had, and he had made no effort to meet her or make her journey to the hotel easier then I agree that he would have been a dick. But she didn't. She said "where are we meeting" (or words to that effect). He answered "in bed". Whether anyone thinks that was a reasonable or flirty reply, it gives no indication of poor intent, laziness or non-chivalry (I don't think that's an actual word haha).

All he did was expect to meet his date at their pre-arranged destination. There was no request made or implied from the OP for help for a crap day, until her ranting text when she wasn't happy with his innocuous message to her, which is what I believe led to his, probably flummoxed "ok".

DixonD · 23/02/2024 11:01

12345onceIcaughta · 23/02/2024 08:01

Massive over reaction, he was just joking.
If I was him I would go cold as you sound very needy and a bit of a drama lama.

This. Your reaction was a bit nuts.

Rec0veringAcademic · 23/02/2024 11:01

Sounds like you didn't like being treated as a long-distance booty call. Which you were, to all intents and purposes.

I'd say good for you.

Original poster

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 11:05

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 23/02/2024 10:59

I had to go back and read the OPs post and text messages before replying to you, as I wasn't sure I had it right, however... the OP only communicated all of these issue that she had after almost an hour of her "date" messaging her post his "in bed" text message.

It's not like she sent him a message while on the train, eg "it's been a long day for me, looks like it's gonna be raining when I arrive, I've ended up with a super heavy suitcase with work stuff, and I'm pretty whacked". If she had, and he had made no effort to meet her or make her journey to the hotel easier then I agree that he would have been a dick. But she didn't. She said "where are we meeting" (or words to that effect). He answered "in bed". Whether anyone thinks that was a reasonable or flirty reply, it gives no indication of poor intent, laziness or non-chivalry (I don't think that's an actual word haha).

All he did was expect to meet his date at their pre-arranged destination. There was no request made or implied from the OP for help for a crap day, until her ranting text when she wasn't happy with his innocuous message to her, which is what I believe led to his, probably flummoxed "ok".

Show quote history

The location wasn’t pre-arranged though.

I didn’t know if we were meeting at the station. Going for a drink or dinner. Hence why I asked. And then just got ‘in bed’ having had no communication all day prior.

it’s not hard to contemplate that it’s a pretty onerous journey. I wouldn’t have said anything about it, until I was insulted by the response and the assumption I’d turn up on his doorstep and make myself immediately available for sex. Then, with my stupid bag of brownies and my massive case having been up at 5am, I was just like. Wtf am I doing 😞

OP posts:

Babla · 23/02/2024 11:05

This sounds like a massive overreaction from you OP and I'm not quite sure why you were shocked by his texts. You agreed to the arrangement right? If you wanted him to meet you at the station why not ask?

Josephinehetty · 23/02/2024 11:08

Goodness. You did the right thing. How uncaring. I would have gone home also

OhmygodDont · 23/02/2024 11:08

If I had got the text you sent I would have just sent ok and rolled my eyes and figured I’d dodged a bullet even if it was only a fwb bullet.

BobbyBiscuits · 23/02/2024 11:10

It seems a bit of a u-turn on your part just looking at that small exchange. Would you have been happy to sleep with him as soon as you got to the hotel if he had met you at the station first? If so for me it makes little difference. I probably would have gone up there just for the sex so I hadn't wasted my journey! Then left and blocked. Haha.
If it feels wrong, then don't do it. He didn't seem bothered to try and convince you otherwise did he? So not much love lost really.
Next person you date, make sure you feel there is equal effort when it comes to travelling/ meeting etc.

Original poster

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 11:12

BobbyBiscuits · 23/02/2024 11:10

It seems a bit of a u-turn on your part just looking at that small exchange. Would you have been happy to sleep with him as soon as you got to the hotel if he had met you at the station first? If so for me it makes little difference. I probably would have gone up there just for the sex so I hadn't wasted my journey! Then left and blocked. Haha.
If it feels wrong, then don't do it. He didn't seem bothered to try and convince you otherwise did he? So not much love lost really.
Next person you date, make sure you feel there is equal effort when it comes to travelling/ meeting etc.

I probably would have done because if he’d met me at the station and been pleased to see me and asked if my journey was ok, I might have at least felt a bit less like an unpaid prostitute.

OP posts:

FredWinnie · 23/02/2024 11:19

For what it's worth, OP, I'm with you

What's more, you're probably inspiring quiet lurkers to maybe think about raising their bars when dealing with men like this

Don't let other posters make you doubt yourself or second guess yourself.
Keep your standard high

(For what it's worth, that text was sleazy, not flirty, because there was no build up around it)

TellingBone · 23/02/2024 11:20

I'd have felt and done exactly the same in those circumstances OP. Good on you.

littlebopeepp234 · 23/02/2024 11:20

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 23/02/2024 10:33

What a ridiculous overreaction!!
Unless he has form for being an arsehole

Well he ‘had form for being an arsehole’ on that day! Op clearly stated she had been out of the house since 5am. She then went to work, she went to meet him after work - a 2 hour journey and was lugging a heavy suitcase around and it was pouring it down with rain! And he couldn’t so much as even message her since 10 that morning - she had to message him 30 minutes before she arrived to ask where they were meeting! His response was that he was at the gym! So he couldn’t be arsed to check what time her train was arriving/ what time she was there and be ready in time for her! No! He was sat his arse in the gym not giving a fuck and wasn’t even ready to meet her after she’d been out all day and that she’d travelled 2 hours to meet him! Then didn’t even have the decency to apologise and just said “ok” when op said she was going back home!

You really must have low standards if you think that behaviour is acceptable and that op has overreacted!

Dontblameitonsunshine · 23/02/2024 11:21

You’re right and he’s wrong. Your message to him was clear and ‘ok’ shows him for who he is. Hugs to you xxx

littlebopeepp234 · 23/02/2024 11:28

Babla · 23/02/2024 11:05

This sounds like a massive overreaction from you OP and I'm not quite sure why you were shocked by his texts. You agreed to the arrangement right? If you wanted him to meet you at the station why not ask?

I’ve found in my lifetime that any decent person would just naturally ask what time their train was arriving and either arrange to meet at the station or somewhere close to the station. Bearing in mind it was pouring with rain and op was lugging a heavy suitcase around, any decent person would have been there at the other end to meet her! He was sat his arse in the gym! Op had just travelled a 2 hour journey to meet him! His responses to her were extremely casual and didn’t appear to be taking op seriously - as if he thought it was one big laugh! His ‘ok’ response at the end, no apology and no follow up message to check she got home ok
tells you all you need to know about the difference between a decent person and a non decent person!

Why did she need to ask him to meet her at the station? She had done ALL the legwork that day! He was in the gym knowing full well op was travelling 2 hours to see him! Was it too much of an effort to send her a message asking what time her train would be arriving? Was it too much of an effort for him to get his arse out the gym and get a shower in time and be ready for op for when she arrived? No, he’d rather let her travel 2 hours with a heavy suitcase in the pouring rain and still be in the gym, all sweaty and disgusting! What a joke of a man! And you think the op overreacted??

FasterthanaButteredOtter · 23/02/2024 11:30

Going forward, I would probably be clearer with your communications. If you wanted him to meet you at the station, you should have said it from the beginning. It very much sounds like you had a shit day and got disappointed that he didn’t do something that you never asked him to do. And that he had an audacity to have a possibly easier day and get on with his gym schedule. In reality, he had no idea about your difficulties and certainly couldn’t have read your mind or predicted how you would react to his fairly innocent flirty comment.

I agree with this. If you wanted him to meet you at the station, tell him. If you've had a bad day and are tired, tell him. The bed comment was a cheeky light hearted comment. Does feel like an over reaction to me and he's probably feeling like he's dodged a bullet right now.

Oh well, move on.

littlebopeepp234 · 23/02/2024 11:34

FasterthanaButteredOtter · 23/02/2024 11:30

Going forward, I would probably be clearer with your communications. If you wanted him to meet you at the station, you should have said it from the beginning. It very much sounds like you had a shit day and got disappointed that he didn’t do something that you never asked him to do. And that he had an audacity to have a possibly easier day and get on with his gym schedule. In reality, he had no idea about your difficulties and certainly couldn’t have read your mind or predicted how you would react to his fairly innocent flirty comment.

I agree with this. If you wanted him to meet you at the station, tell him. If you've had a bad day and are tired, tell him. The bed comment was a cheeky light hearted comment. Does feel like an over reaction to me and he's probably feeling like he's dodged a bullet right now.

Oh well, move on.

The point is… op did all the leg work. Could he not be arsed himself to get his arse out of the gym and think to himself “oh op will be here soon, let’s get a shower so I’m nice and clean after being sweaty in the gym so I can go and meet her at the station, she’s made all the effort so far so I should send her a message to ask when her train is arriving and I’ll let her know I’ll meet her at the station”!

But noooooooooo he couldn’t take the initiative to do that!