To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

@Moonlightandroses44 Yanbu. You know there were signs where you felt somewhat negged, and this was him over(n)egging* the pudding and he’s shown who he is and how he feels about women a bit too much too soon.

*see what I did there 😆😆😆

onwards

don’t lose faith in yourself, you’ll find someone who values you and shows it.

Yeah and honestly if I’d seen any indicators of low effort earlier I would have ended it. It’s because there’s been quite a noticeable U-turn in his behaviour that I responded the way I did and perhaps why it seems like an overreaction. I felt a bit like he was treating me like a free prostitute and the rug was taken out from under me. I was just in shock when I got that message and my heart sank and I just didn’t really know what to do.

maybe it confirmed a nagging feeling. I dunno.

I honestly give up I think. It’s been years since I even let myself feel remotely interested and I just feel let down.

I had a bag full of brownies I’d made him for his birthday and I just felt like a twat. I didn’t until that moment, feel like his feelings weren’t reciprocated or that I was chasing. It actually felt more the opposite. He seemed more keen on me.

then I got the total switch up, or it seem that way. If only from the response he gave.

He sounds like a massive douchebag to me. I strongly disagree with the PPs saying you overreacted — I would definitely block and move on.

I wouldn’t want to end up with a man who couldn’t at least offer to put on his shoes and walk down the road to meet me, after that journey, and I think it does sound lazy.

I also can’t be arsed with people so arrogant they answer ‘Ok’ to a perfectly valid point. Perhaps he didn’t intend to come across as he did and it was meant to be sexy but having realised he’d come across wrongly he could at least have apologised. I don’t know why it’s fine to ask someone to traipse around the country so you can stick your dick in them but not treat them with base-line courtesy.

Aww don’t give up OP. This crappy experience has still served a purpose in that it’s clarified the standards you want from someone that you’re dating. Next time, from the start let the guy do some of the legwork so it’s not you making all of the effort.

You did the right thing; call me old fashioned but if I'm making the effort to travel to someone, and it's raining, and they know I've been up early, working all day, then a long train journey to see them, the least I'd expect is to be met & helped with my case! It's common courtesy. If he can't be bothered that tells you what you need to know. It's called having standards. He should be making more effort. I've let men treat me like this in the past and I wouldn't entertain it now. Decide what you are prepared to put up with and stick to it. A lot of men are bone idle when it comes to relationships; don't tolerate it.

He’s basically not a gentleman !!
And I think you have done the correct thing !
It takes 2 for effort and your only one making any !
And by not making any effort to meet you at the station was rude !

welldone Op for having self respect and knowing your worth !!

You have been doing too much of the heavy lifting all along - he’s no loss.

The flippant comment wasn’t awful but the planets have been out of alignment for some time.

I bet you are worth more than what he’s being giving.

You did the right thing for you :-) I arranged to meet a date at a pub once. It was raining heavily and when I got to the bus station he was waiting there for me with an umbrella! I wouldn’t want to date someone so thoughtless either. It’s about respect and feeling valued. I would have done the same. You were obviously right as well as if it was a genuine oversight and a clumsy text exchange he would have been mortified and rang you straight away

I’m sorry you feel so shit op, I definitely wouldn’t want to be back in the dating game myself.

But for the future, a relationship where I was the one being expected to do all of the running about in order for us to see each other would be a massive red flag.

Good luck in the future, I hope you find a good one - they do exist, I promise!

When my friends travel to see me, we agree on things in advance. I may say "here are the nearest stations to me. If you go to X, I can pick you up as it is a bit far away from the town centre but if you go to Y, we can meet at xyz location. Text me if the train is running late". No, I won't be texting them to check as I assume most of my friends have gone through their adult lives being able to use public transport independently.

Sorry but I think you really overreacted, he may well not have realised you wanted/needed meeting and perhaps you could have messaged him earlier actually asking him to meet you why didn't you? not just expect him to know...

I don’t think you were in the least U, OP. He sounds utterly inconsiderate to me, and as if he just looks on you as a pleasant, easy lay.

You’re better off without a man like this.

My thoughts exactly. If women are prepared to put up with being treated like this, men will continue to do the bare minimum in relationships. I've seen it so many times. No man is worth this.

I think you should have been clearer upfront. E.g my train gets in at 7. Can you meet me on the platform? I think it sounds like you have been facilitating the relationship and have rightly got fed up of doing all the leg work. In any case if he lives so far away it is unlikely to go anywhere so why waste all this time on it?

The way you felt was absolutely valid, therefore you done the right thing.

Doesn't matter what others would do. You know the situation and what you felt at the time.

Given his silence since I don't think he was the man for you anyway. It's better you've found this out sooner rather than later.

Absolutely wild overreaction. Before I saw the screenshot I assumed he'd said, "sorry can't make it any more" after you'd already arrived, or even "I think we need to cool things off a bit, change of plan - I don't want to meet you, I'm seeing other people as well."

Throwing all your toys out of the pram because someone says they'll meet you in reception. And the other is a completely crazy reaction to something that was obviously a joke/flirting and was showing keenness to seeing you prior. Plus, you were obviously meeting at a hotel for sex, it wasn't a National Trust tour and countryside walk was it.

You should have booked a taxi/uber or asked him to pick you up in advance if that was what you wanted. Or even said "what are the plans when I get there" a bit earlier than actually arriving.

You're the red flag in this situation. You've abandoned someone who was waiting for you and looking forward to seeing you all day because it was raining and you had a heavy suitcase for a 2 night hotel stay for some reason, and you only made half the plans you should have made if they mattered to you.

Have you ever met him at his house or know any of his wider group? To me it sounds quite a lot like you a a bit on the side he uses during work trips. When he saw you were going home he could’ve picked up the phone to clarify that the message landed wrong- but you’ve proved yourself to be a bit high maintenance for just a shag. I’d block and move on. You think you are in this with a view to a relationship- he is dropping hints of a relationship to keep you sweet.

Complete overreaction on your part IMO. Flirty comment is absolutely fine - it's the first few months, it's meant to be fun and my DP would've been desperate to jump into bed!! 😂 he was just finishing at the gym - so what?! Presumably you are a grown adult and he was trying to fit a work out in. He said he'd meet you at reception, I have absolutely no idea why this is offensive.
I'm not surprised you've heard nothing back.

FWIW if the roles were reversed I still would have met him. Because I feel like it’s just polite. And I’m very ‘traditional’ when it comes to relationships.
That's all fine but you hadn't even had a conversation about whether you were exclusive or not? This could hardly even be classed as a "relationship". So it's doubtful after a few months of long-distance dating that you know each other well enough for him to understand this about you.

And honestly, do people not talk any more? Text is so easy to misinterpret. His initial response may have been serious or a joke, no real way to know. If only you spoke, you could know and could have told him you were tired, needed food, help with your bag etc.

This is the best observation on this thread

@Moonlightandroses44I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

Herein lies the issue OP, you were making yourself too easy and too available, when you do that men loose interest, like you say in your message (rightly so) you were like an :uber eats delivery". You should have make him work harder, but you didn't. He thought he was getting an escort for free, willing to go out of her way and pay her two hour train ticket. Bottom line story: never travel for a man, let him come to you, or maybe (just maybe) meet half way. This man had not travel for you, he had not gone out of his way, he was there for work reasons. You did all the work and he did nothing. This had red flags all over right from the beginning. He also sounds like a douche which doesn't help either.

He didn't reply to your message because he then realised he was not getting the "free booty" so he didn't bother any more.

I think the first message is fine, kinda cute actually IF HE FOLLOWED IT UP WITH haha "when does you train get in and ill meet you at the station"

I think your strong for turning around and going home, you will find someone that deserves you x

And he text you straight away when you asked where you were meeting - which you didn't reply too!

Okay! If you’re happy to travel 2 hours to see someone and when you arrive they just tell you to meet them in bed and then say they’re at the gym then fair enough! Personally I am a lot less tolerant of people who let me go to the effort of travelling to see them and they can’t even be arsed to turn up to the station, in fact in this case they can’t be arsed to turn up anywhere because they’re at the gym - so will be all sweaty and need a shower BEFORE they meet op! So not only is he not arsed to be ready for op when she arrives, he then thinks it’s ok to make her wait until he’s finished at the gym and presumably had a shower and got ready! Errrr no way! I’m so done with people who put absolutely no effort in and expect me to do the running around and chasing after them!

Not an overreaction on op’s part at all after travelling 2 hours to see him!