To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

Everything in my body was saying. Go home.

...and that's all you need to know, OP You don't need us to tell you what you did was right, it was right for you. You're the one who's been on dates with this guy and experienced his "negging" and this was the last straw.

To strangers, your text might look like an overreaction. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have sent it. But that's because I stuck around for years with blokes who took advantage of my good nature, who expected me to deliver myself to their doorstep and provide everything for their pleasure and comfort without expectation of anything in return.

I think you've done a good thing here, whether it makes sense to strangers or not.

Onwards and upwards, well done, and wishing you better luck in future! 💗

I don't think he did anything really badly wrong in isolation, and had done the right things previously, meeting you at the station and paying for your ticket when you were putting in the travel hours. However I think you felt something not quite right creeping in that put you on edge with the negative jokes. I don't like negging/banter/put downs/ jokes that are interchangeable.

Totting up the hours spent doing your hair is silly. If you'd felt comfortable and happy with this guy it would have probably felt exciting to be invited straight up to bed for a change (when he normally comes and meets you). It didn't and you don't so to be honest it's best you both move on.

In future keep the logistical effort equal. Establish exclusivity before sex. Don't let resentment build up. If it's happening in a new relationship it isn't the right one

Isn’t it kind of obvious that with all the “big heavy bags” you’d be going straight to the hotel to dump them all at the very least? So asking “where are we meeting?” is a redundant question. And if you wanted him to deduce from that question that he should come and meet you off the train then you might have been less disappointed if you’d made that clearer.

I think the “I’m in shock at that message” response was OTT myself but if it’s how you feel then you’re not wrong, your feelings are valid.

The “ok” and non-response tells you everything you need to know now. Sorry OP, hope the next one is better.

Well I’m 63, so pretty ancient and not at all up to speed on modern dating etiquette and what counts as acceptable/unacceptable, but his behaviour sounds bloody rude and uncaring to me.

when I travel to visit family /friends, there’s always some sort of WhatsApp exchange along the way - hope you have a smooth journey, looking forward to seeing you, will meet you at the station/hotel etc. To not be in touch till half an hour before and then not even have arranged where to meet or most appropriately , meet you at the station, is just inconsiderate and crappy.

If he’s made the effort before, then he knows what counts as nice things to do to show you care, and just chose not to bother. I’d imagine a few more weeks in, he’d not be making any effort whatsoever over anything.

You deserve much better. And yes you could have called him and arranged times/places, but especially as you were the one putting all the effort in, I’d have expected far more consideration. The fact he’s not even replied is just confirmation of his rudeness.

What’s this batshit drivel? 🥱

How many days ago did this happen?

I would probably have met him as I travelled all that way, I would then have decided based on how he behaved whether I would see him again after that

@GRex w, and facing a confusing situation where she just realised she has been lied to.

She hasn’t been lied to, maybe to herself? she just did this major emotional investment in some dude who did not reciprocated. Reading between lines he never talked marriage nor they discussed a future together, it all sounded very “casual”. I have an inkling this guy is into “casual” relationships and got scared with the OP because she was heavily investing in him then getting pissed off because he didn’t reciprocate. He just wanted an easy breeze “free sex worker” who would make no fuss and bumped into a real women with expectations. Poor dude 🤣 (insert sarcastic tone)

I don’t think you over-reacted at all. I think he was tactless and bad mannered.

It would have made me see him in a very different light too.

No contact and no apology since speaks volumes.

I think you’re well rid.

I think you overreacted
but I think this relationship isn’t giving you what you want so move on and try and find someone a bit more local

Can you elaborate on how you have managed to diagnose this guy?

I think the initial reaction to ‘in bed’ is interesting.

If my partner said that, I’d be like “great!” - or in this context maybe “great! Would you mind covering the Uber so I can get there sooner?”

Your reaction has been to assume that he wants ‘servicing’. That doesn’t suggest the sex has been great so far 😂

Lucky escape I reckon…

I will never understand women who say things like no not 'exclusive' but we are obviously sleeping together🤔
What do they expect other than to be exploited and treated with disrespect.

Good for you OP
Never let anyone make you feel shit.
I think you're fabulous for going home. Fuck him

I'm a guy - if you were coming to see me I would have met you at the station and I'd have checked into the hotel and chilled a bottle of wine and had flowers or chocolates or something. And a reservation for a good restaurant.

Thing is, he didn’t ask you to do all that, did he? And you were at work. As was he. Do you normally spend the whole work day texting?

I do think you overreacted. And having overreacted to the extent that you declared that you were turning round and going home — pretty extreme imo— you didn’t really give him any other option than to say ‘ok’.

I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to block him, because I doubt very much he’ll attempt to contact you again.

You don't need to block him OP just ignore him. (I don't know how to block anyone so this is why I have said this😀)
You have trusted your gut and have done the right thing, you know you have.

Entertaining thread btw although I only read your updates after the first few pages. So many mumsnetters frothing at the mouth.

Thank you. You see OP? The nice guys are OUT THERE!, so stop investing in a douche who makes you travel to him then questions your use of a vibrator. The more time you loose with these morons the less time you have to invest in nice guys.

Life is short, then you die.

Ooooh. 🎵 “@Moonlightandroses44 and @RickA sittinf in a tree. K. I. S. S. I. N. G…” 🎶

Oh wow, if I was this guy I'd block you, what a massive overreaction 🫣

I don't claim to be good at communicating in writing. I struggle to be concise, hence the bold/CAPS to highlight key points/words. Any italic was accidental. I am new to posting here and thought * * gives bold yet its sometimes italic and I don't know why.

In fact I have been saying the answer is good old VOICE conversation. I am a sensible communicator in relationships by asking,not assuming, and not expecting my mind to be read, amongst other things. But I speak not text for tricky conversations.

I have OPs best interests at heart. But if you (some in this quote chain) want to pick at my writing style instead of focussing on trying to help OP well of course you are free to do so.

I have at least twice explained why I have been so emphatic in my posts.

It's NOT to try to push her to this guy.

It's to try to get her to see that she will more likely find (and get to keep!) the right guy if she learns to communicate her expectations to them and to ASK where they stand in things.

Because the things she is focussing on are 100% princessy and although there may be a guy out there willing to meet her expectations, she probably won't recognise him when she finds him because she won't give him the option of meeting them if he doesnt automatically

And yes I am impassioned. *I find it worrying that it sounds as if so many women sabotage their chances of good relationships by thi butnking a guy has to jump through hoops to prove himself worthy.

As in be superhuman, rather than just a decent human being.

Yes some things are absolutely red flags but come on (!) OP missed out on something (that she obviously originally thought worth the effort and she listed the tiny details of the effort) because she had to text 1st about plans... how is it not ridiculous for people to encourage her to remain hooked up on that? Especially given that he HAD already enthusiastically texted that day.*

And, as she was the one who imploded their plans and after the way she mishandled it, it's sexist, frankly to say "well if a guy cares he should phone the next day after she did that ".

How about... she blew things up, she should make 1st move to fix it.

Or leave it.

But not judge him for not making first move after that.

But I would have just posted once or twice and been done if OP wasn't still so stuck up on "but but I had to text 1st about plans" when he HAD texted her that morning showing keeness.

and if there werent still people egging her on in that.

But yes even without this personal attack little sub thread of yours I was about to stop as I have done my best to try to persuade to let go of that but she's only listening to the ones egging her on to stay princessy for future relatiinships too

It's also for other princesses who may use these threads and read all the encouragement to focus on things like "he posted that morning looking forward to it but then i had to be 1st to post later so he mustn't really care".

For them to see more rational thinking too. I may struggle to explain my points in writing but the thinking behind them is rational and common sense and there's been too little of that in this thread.

^ This!

You’re not dating you’re fucking
me thinks
move on , find a man that’s worth it

You sound like hard work no wonder he texted OK, he was probably relieved after receiving that diatribe that you were going home.

Why do you need a man to hold your hand from the train station to a hotel anyway you seem independent enough with a 2 hour journey to go see him.

If you were that bothered you should have arranged it before you set off on your trek around the globe.

Clear communication is key

So sorry that 1 or 2 missed words makes it hard to read, even when it's clear from the quoted post what it must be referring to.

She was saying that to be a good fit a couple need similar values re: courtesy etc.

I was saying that a couple can require/give similar levels of courtesy whilst initially having different ideas if what is required to be considered courteous.

But it's not fixed in stone, they can adapt if they talk, rather than jusr dumping it over something small.

If you still don't understand so be it. I explained for anyone else, not your rude self.

If I could be bothered I would look up your posts on the thread, if you made any actually on topic, ratherthan just attacking others' writing style, to see if find you on Team Princesses. But I can't be bothered as you rudeness tells me about you already.