To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

I think 31 pages of pontificating can probably be summed up as, you're not quite compatible. You've ended it, he's accepted it.

I'm not sure why all the angst on a public forum. I bet he'd be gobsmacked if he saw this.

Ps you didn't have to do all those things for a hook up. You chose to do most of them and agreed to travel to meet him. It's not beyond the realms of possibility that he's just human and got a bit used to you travelling. A brief conversation about it may have cleared it up and started a more equal meeting arrangement. Or not, in which case you could choose to continue or not.

It’s interesting that the OP is now getting lectures on her communication failures from one of the most incoherent communicators on the thread 😂

You said he had one meeting in the morning. Did you think he was still in that meeting 8 hours later? There was no reason why you couldn't have text him. You weren't busy. Hotels all have similar check-in times, which is long before 7pm. So saying he might have been in another city is nonsense. You were just annoyed because in your head he didn't put in as much effort as you. Even though you have no idea what he had done that day, or had planned for that evening. His big crime was not communicating with you better. But you were exactly the same way with him.

You’re not being unreasonable OP. In your shoes the very least I would have expected would have been for him to meet you and take you for something to eat or alternatively to take you back to the hotel to reveal the lovely picnic he had organised for you. You made a great deal of effort and he made none. He’s a useless prick. You didn’t overreact - he massively underreacted and you deserve much better. Block him and find someone who is worthy of you!

I would have found that response flirty and fun and he was obviously looking forward to meeting you. I feel you ruined it for yourself sadly.

He wasn’t investing zero before this though. That’s why it was so weird.

as if I would have done this otherwise.

as for communicating my expectations - he has met me at the station before. Picked me up before. It is not an unknown concept. He knows it’s the decent thing to do. I didn’t think I needed to.

he chose to not do it this time.

People can and do expect certain things in relationships, and those things tend to happen naturally in relationships where there are mutual feelings. Consideration and reciprocation etc. are all very normal basic expectations in these situations, and if those things are not there then that tends to be a sign that the person isn't that into you.

She hasn't just picked some obscure notions out of the sky and 'expected' him to know things.

There's no expectation on him to be psychic either 😂

How old are the two of you, @Moonlightandroses44 , if I may ask?

It is normal in my circles to confirn that a train left on time.

They don't always you know? And yes it is possible to watch an app, but nicer and exciting if meeting is excitedly anticipated to hear person is on their way.

I think maybe after some sleep you should look 2mrw at this thread filtered to just your posts.

And see how RIDICULOUSLY WHINEY. you sound about a guy "not texting you 1st"

How can you expect the more sensible communicators among us to see it as anything other than princessy to fuss over him not texting sooner when it would have taken you less than a minute.

I agree with those who say he dodged a bullet. He will have ZERO idea that you have a bee in your bonnet about such nonsense.

If you had ASKED him you may have discovered he could be disappointed you didnt send an excited text to say you were in your way.

But I suppose he's not allowed to have expectations. Those are for princesses only, apparently

I think I would also be shocked and felt the way you are. Unless theres something in your relationship that indicated that this is the type of fun you both agreed on.

If you’re an example of a ‘sensible communicator’, then God help us because your post doesn’t make any sense, Princess.

OP,
You are asking for too little and putting in too much effort in the first place.
I keep seeing you've travelled for a long time, with a heavy suitcase, after a full day at work, and so as not to seem demanding, all you're asking for is a text, just a text would have made you feel better, would have made you feel like he was considering you or maybe if he'd just enquired as to how your journey was going, it would have made you feel appreciated.
Tbh, your posts make me feel like you don't want to ask for much, possibly in case it puts him off?
You probably don't feel comfortable asking him if you're definitely exclusive either, in case it frightens him off.
You said you didn't want to ask him to meet you at the station in case it sounded too demanding.

You're expecting the bare minimum from him, and you don't feel comfortable asking him for more. You don't want to appear demanding.
Jesus fucking wept!
Forget this man!
This is never going to get better.

Do some work on yourself to find out why you believe deep down that you're only worth the bare minimum!

No man is going to fall over himself to please a woman who doesn't value herself and her time! You have shown him the lengths you will go to, to see him, for what sounds like very little effort on his part and sex. He doesn't value what you're doing and doing more of it won't change his mind. He doesn't sound like he values you as a person at all.

The problem isn't that you've not been understanding enough, or accommodating enough. The problem is that you are too understanding and way too accommodating.
You have overstretched yourself in your quest to give more, hoping that he will appreciate it. Ime, men don't appreciate women who behave like that.

Of course he looks down on you. You've put him above you in the first place! You're looking up to him.

I wouldn't have sent such a long reply and explanation in the first place.
'This doesnt work for me.' would have been all I would have sent and then I'd have gone home.
No way would I travel for hours for a shag, and ultimately, that's what you are to this man. Yes, he takes you on dates, out for dinner, whoopee do! That doesn't mean he values you.
You have to value yourself first, and running across the country to make yourself available to 'service him' doesn't come across that you value yourself much.
I think you haven't blocked him because you're still hoping he'll respond to your text. Why?

I think you want this to develop into a relationship, where if you demonstrate how much you're prepared to do, he will somehow suddenly value you and want to exclusively date you. He won't. Trust me.

Dust yourself off.
Raise your value.
Stop giving more of yourself than you're comfortable with in an attempt to convince men you're worth the effort. It doesn't work that way!

No it’s not just you, it’s me too.

But OP has realised now what she is dealing with and adjusted accordingly.

None of them do. Between the text speak, shouty capitalisation, bizarre bold and italic usage and the horrendous leaps between concepts, I really don’t think that poster should be lecturing anyone on communication 😂

Hi OP, I don’t know whether any poster here has said this already (after a few MNetters messages I decided to only read your responses), but this guy’s behavior, including the little ‘off’ things you mentioned, screams of pathological narcissism. And if that’s the case, as I strongly suspect, you are much better off without him - actually, despite the horrible night you had, you should consider yourself lucky you found him out this early. Good riddance, now focus on getting this whole thing out of your system OP 💐

Wow! Capital letter insults!

And fwiw I bet he wouldn’t have come OP because he … well, didn’t - even when you made it clear it had upset you.

He may have not predicted or understood it would bother you, but if a relationship is important to you at a level of, well, actually caring how they feel, you try to address issues. He just realised you probably weren’t in the mood for sex so what was the point 🤷‍♂️

"I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing."

Sorry, but what does this mean... ?

Grown women don’t put other women down for taking time to process a situation 🙄 people deal with things in different ways.

It’s one thing to disagree with the OP’s understanding of the situation and think she handled it badly. It’s quite another to extrapolate massively from one brief text exchange to slate her intelligence, communication skills and maturity.

Have a look in the mirror, @SoapiesChoice. The most immature, incoherent and misogynistic posts on this thread are yours. Maybe you should grow up.

Batshit crazy.

Hope OP is enjoying a nice meal and not reading some of these posts.

Totally agree. She seems in a world of her own.

And strangely impassioned…

I agree that basic courtesy etc need to matter equally to be a good fit.

BUT. people's idea of what that looks like will depend in their own experiences.

Are you seriously suggesting that a guy not knowing she'll be upset if she has to be the one to text 1st about something is not a good fit?

And when she did text she asked "where to meet?" So yes he does need to be psychic to read that as "i will be upset if you dont offer to come to the station"

I do totally see why people read OP's posts and think she's unreasonable. I would feel embarrassed to not be able to get myself from a station, to not be happy to just say where I want to meet, or counting score with a bloke over washing my hair (you could have put the hot water on OP!). Bear in mind though that OP is really upset right now, and facing a confusing situation where she just realised she has been lied to.

I do feel a lot of empathy here. In my single days I had a couple of 'relationships' with men who frankly put on a good act. It felt like it was going somewhere, with a few "off" comments. Then something happened for the penny to drop; I was no longer blind to the fact they just didn't care and were using me. Different minor things in each case, but it completed the picture for me, and it was very clear. I remember shaking with rage at one of them, I felt like such a mug, though written down in texts it likewise could have looked innocuous without all that background. It's the realisation that you were being conned that has made you upset OP, not the end of the relationship. Is his name Jack? Regardless, trust your gut on this, it simply is not possible for others to see inside the relationship and understand what you now see.

Wouldn't it have been easier to just drive there OP,to save lugging all your heavy bags on and off a train,in the rain then having the hassle of getting from the train station to the hotel?