To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

Your DH’s brother is a bit different though, for one thing he’s a man, they can generally walk the streets alone at night without much fear.

Secondly, they were dating so he should be making the effort. He expected sex for zero effort or consideration for her. No thanks.

I honestly don’t think this thread is helpful to you OP. Put it behind you and move on. Dwelling on it, taking succour from a bunch of women agreeing with you that he’s a bastard - it’s hardly going to help things, is it?

The crux of the matter is that you read this guy wrong. You either didn’t listen to your intuition, or your intuition was wrong, or you didn’t have an intuition. That’s what you need to work on.

You inconvenienced yourself ridiculously (why on EARTH would you put yourself out so much for someone you’ve been seeing for a mere three months??!). From what you’ve said, you need to be a bit more cynical about what random, strange (as in, unknown to you) men can be like. Unless you have someone else who can vouch for the person you’re seeing, they could be absolutely anyone. As you’ve just found out.

Just move on. Kick yourself for being so gullible and treating yourself so poorly, develop your radar a bit, have a bit more self-respect and find yourself a decent bloke.

And before you go about saying the onus shouldn’t be on you and he’s the one who behaved so badly blah blah - that may well be but it’s entirely irrelevant. You’ve only got yourself to look after yourself. Justin off of some app doesn’t give a shit (clearly).

As I said above, yes, of course us adults can get ourselves around. But he didn't even offer to meet her at the station or to make sure she was ok when she'd travelled for two hours to see him, or make any plans for them. If he'd at least bothered to ask, she might have said, 'I'm fine - thanks, I'll see you at the hotel'. I wouldn't treat a friend like this, let alone someone I was in at least a vague relationship with who'd travelled two hours to see me.

"And everything in my body was saying. Go home."

You absolutely did the right thing OP. Doesn't matter whether others would have done the same or not. You felt disrespected and that's enough to go- if you'd gone through with meeting up would have felt crap. Kudos to you for walking away.

I’m also guessing OP’s “bedfellow “ didn’t have a baby to lug?

There’s some proper low bars on here OP. FWIW OP, I would have done the same as you, only not actually told him, I would have just fucked off and not responded to him for 24 hours (just for confirmation I made the right decision) then blocked.

he has treated you like a free whore for the night. Even a more casual relationship should have been started with a meet up at the station and food maybe. This is appalling, why do some women think this is an over reaction on your part? Fuck that.

He’s a twat

I appreciate it's different! My point was only that if an otherwise perfectly reasonable person wants to be met at the station when it's inconvenient and unnecessary and thinks it is a perfectly reasonable request, maybe it's just one of those things that people view very differently!

If he really cared he would have rang you asap to figure out why you're upset.
Sounds like he just wants you for the sex.

He sounds like my Ex, not prepared to make the slightest effort because he knew I would do it all. It was just plain 'Entitled' behaviour and I hated it. Personally I think that's how this bloke has treated you.

You are worth much more imho.
Dump the b'stard.

You really tied yourself in knots trying to blame the OP, didn't you?

I think he can put up with being mildly inconvenienced if he’s meeting a woman who he’s in a relationship with who has inconvenienced herself to see him. If he can’t even be bothered to meet her at a bloody train station when he wants to have relations with her, then he doesn’t deserve it because he doesn’t respect her enough.

This made me laugh in so far as it presents the observations as novel insights in a thread that’s thrown these points about at considerable length , but tbf it pretty neatly sums it up.

You had me at “some minor red flags”

One red flag should be enough, you do t need bunting before you walk away!

I would have replied "ooh are that horny?"

I'm a total baby sometimes, of course a grown woman and capable. But if I need it, I ask for help getting from a to b. Dh loves it luckily as he feels needed and I get to be lazy when I feel like it.

You are comparing apples with horse shit, can’t you see the two situations are not even remotely similar other than the train station? 🙈

I think a lot of men play games in relationships and if you make things easy for them - like you always travel to them - they dont treat you so well. I think he had downgraded the amount of energy he felt he had to put in.

If someone was coming to visit me, for whatever reason, I would be in touch during the day and would meet them at the station.

But that situation is IN NO WAY comparable! Why even mention it?

Well I tried to explain why I mentioned it but never mind.

I will get it removed to avoid further thread derailing.

Early on in relationship he would have ome to the platform with flowers too!

Hold out for better op.

If he had his car with him then I'd totally expect him to pick you up from the station not be fannying around in the gym. I can see why you were deflated after you had been so excited to see him. Does seem he was just expecting sex on tap with zero effort, not a good look.

I saw your response to me, i also was reading more of the thread and see it was 25 mins after the bed comment b4 he said reception instead.

But couldn't he have been feeling flirtatious and leaving a gap for you to flirt back, and in the meantime trying to get his workout finished.

Also I see in so many responses yiu say he didnt text you all day. WHY is it up to him to make that 1st contact?

We do not have to wait for guys to call any more.

You were at work, he was probably leaving you in peace. Maybe he expected a text to say you got the train and it left on time.

But the biggest advice I have is just talk to guys!! Don't sit quietly trying to second guess them, leaving them trying to second guess you.

You said you left him hanging 50 mins, that's awful when that went past what should be meeting time!! You wouldn't have liked him doing that to you, would you? Leaving a direct question hanging 50 mins at that point in the evening.

You say you couldn't decide what to do. but if you had spoken to him you would have got a way clearer feel for whether he couldn't be bothered or whether you were way overthinking.

If this was on its way to becoming a steady relationship then it should be past the making each other guess what the other is thinking stage.

And it is RIDICULOUS that you think he should be phoning to see how you are today after you sent him that text and ridiculous that people are judging him for his lack of much response to it.

And stop seeing yourself as delivering a service to him. Yes the location he had to be in was 2 hours away, but he paid your fare, paid the accomodatiin and was presumably going to show you a good time.

Honestly I am lost for how to say what I want to without being rude. If you were my daughter I'd be telling you to give your head a shake about your attitude to communication and about your princessy "he should have checked up on me the next day" which pp do you NO favours by encouraging.

*Whether this guy is the one or it's some future guy, you will HAVE to learn to have mature constructive discussions. Because no relationship just falls into place without minor teething issues like this one.

Also you need to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, by asking them if need be. Instead of assuming things from what they do or don't do. Because just because not offering to meet would mean not caring if you did it, but his mileage will vary.*

Even some other women are seeing that differently to you.

Btw the reason I am putting it all so strongly is that I think some people are encouraging you down a REALLY unhelpful path.

Because even if this guy is not the one, sending a text like that, after 50 mins silent treatment then deciding to write the guy off because he isn't all over you the next day is a ridiculously princessy attitude that will screw up FUTURE relationships too if you take that as reasonable way to judge other guys in future.

Try listening to the ones telling you to communicate properly. They may have learnt it in successful long term relationships.

I have been married 30 years same man. So I have learnt that things I would assume if I hadn't learnt otherwise are usually miles from how it actually is from his side. And he is often astonished at what I would have assumed.

Complete overreaction. I don't blame him for not replying since..if I had received that msg, your tantrum would have been a massive red flag.

I think the mistake was in waiting all day, for him to 'tell you' where you were meeting. You could have said during the day 'right I've got a suitcase and don't feel comfortable getting a taxi on my own, are you alright to meet me at the station?'. You wanted him to meet you at the station, but you gave him all the power by asking him where you were meeting, even though you already knew where YOU wanted to meet. Even when he made his joke, you could have said, 'can you meet me at the station instead?' Because surely, even if you expected to go out for a late dinner (on a work night, maybe not, or maybe? we are all different), you'd need to go to the hotel anyway, to drop your case off and freshen up. But maybe you subconsciously wanted a way out, because of the negging- which doesn't sound good at all. It's better to talk about it anyway. I think next time, bring up the negging properly, before agreeing to meet up.

Seems like she’s just got higher standards than you, and I congratulate her for not being a total doormat and expecting him to make more of an effort.

YOU are being ridiculous!!

Why should op have to ‘communicate’? She didn’t hear from him since 10am and SHE was the one who COMMUNICATED with him 30 minutes before she arrived, after a 2 hour journey, with a heavy suitcase in the pouring rain when it was dark and he couldn’t be arsed to get his arse out of the gym! My what low standards you have!

If she was your daughter you’d be telling her to give her head a shake? Well thank goodness she isn’t your daughter then! What sort of a mother would tell her daughter it’s acceptable for a man to treat her like shit!!!!

Youve been married 30 years? Big fucking wow! You haven’t learned anything about modern day dating! The op was dating 3 this guy for 3 months and he has already displayed other shitty behaviour and negging and it’s very clear he was just using her for sex! Maybe you are very blinkered to how ‘dating’ seems to be in this day and age! Maybe you should create a profile on OLD just so you can see the amount of sub standard men on there who have also been married for 30 years and are clearly looking for sex, along with all the players, women collectors and creeps!