To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

I would expect to be met at the station. If someone can’t bothered this early in in a relationship it doesn’t bode well for the future.

Yep - so I think the OP has absolutely done the right thing. And I hope she now meets someone who treats her with some consideration and respect rather than this waste of space. If he treats her like this now, when it's all new and exciting, however casual, he would only get worse. Onwards and upwards, OP!

OP YANBU at all!

I don't think it matters what anyone else thinks, he made you feel terrible and that's plenty reason enough to just walk away from this. I think you've dealt with it well by not meeting up with him. I would block him and delete all your messages.

If you are having sex with someone and it feels like you are dating them, its right to expect to feel wanted and cared for. This guy isn't making you feel good. It doesn't matter if there are people on this thread who think you've over reacted or that he had a bad day. The point is that he made you feel crap and that's enough to walk away.

Block, delete and know you have done the right thing. He's not the one!

Am I right in thinking that as the OP won't say honestly how many dates they had overall, and how far away he lived, it's a relevant factor in this?

We hadn’t agreed to meet at the hotel though. That’s kind of the point.

I didn’t even know if he’d checked in yet. I hadn’t heard from him all day!

No. Why should it matter? He should treat her with consideration and respect whether they've seen each other 5 times or 50 times or how far away he lives.

I’m literally catching up.

It’s been just over three months. Near enough daily comms. And seen each other roughly every other week. With the exception of a couple of occasions when he has been travelling.

I have been to his house. He isn’t married.

You wanted him to meet you. But you didn't tell him you wanted him to meet you. So when he didn't suggest the plan you had in your head, you flipped out.

I'm just surprised that you're surprised he hasn't contacted you since. If someone threw a tantrum and flounced like you did instead of communicating like an adult, I would let you run on too.

It's fine to write a long para and don't send it.

Me too. If I were in that situation I'd think that bit was quite hot .

I’d say over-reaction to the bed part. Is he not allowed to joke with you?

However, knowing you had been working, then long journey, tired etc, he could have offered to meet you at the station and help with your case. That would have been nice to do.

Sorry but I think it’s a little bit of an overreaction.
I think he was trying to be flirty and light hearted. If it was me I’d have asked him to come and meet me to help with the luggage or would have joked about getting to the hotel etc.

I think he’s not wanted to engage in an argument so hasn’t contacted you again.

If it bothered you then you did the right thing for you. Everyone will see it differently based on what they find is okay. We don’t know how the relationship is going so we can’t comment on the red flags but if this tipped you over the edge then that’s okay!

If you’re travelling each time, it was reasonable you inferred he considered this a proper relationship not just casual ( Destination) sex. I mean does he really think you couldn’t t find it closer to home?

I can see why it annoyed you, I’d feel the exact same! Basically he’s acting like you’re an object of his convenience instead of welcoming you and helping you from the station, the first thing he thinks about is sex and not just simply spending time together. It’s selfish and would make me feel used.

Maybe I’m in the minority here, but It’s not so much you needing him to meet you, it’s just nice after you’ve travelled and made the effort. IMO, anybody who truly cared for you would go the extra mile to help, especially early in dating when he should be extra excited to see you, not just waiting in bed for you to turn up!

His comment looked like a joke - but his lack of contact or apology or anything since tells you all you need to know . Looks like you did the right thing OP

This

The thing that puzzles me is, why the heavy suitcase for just a couple of nights?

Dear God the blaming of OP

You're hard work.
It's your fault.
You should have asked him.
You can't take a joke.

Yes OP, he was treating you like a
" sex worker " and you finally listened to your gut.

There's some seriously damaged Women on this site.

The shit you'd put up with to be with/have a man....is truly shocking.

Don't ever doubt yourself OP.

She has explained that. Read her posts. You can use the See All function.

You said yourself, there'd been a few little flags but you'd let them go. Then you'd started to question the fact that yo were doing all the running and travelling. Made worse by a fairly unpleasant, long journey at the end of a long day... it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back and that just suddenly put everything else in context.

This is why there are no gentleman left in the world if most women think this is acceptable. After two hours travelling to see somebody I’d be pretty fucked off if I wasn’t met at the station to help with my cases etc, as it shows a lack of consideration, especially knowing that the only thing on his mind was a shag as if I exist for his gratification. So he gets to make absolutely no effort at all and just have her turn up for sex? Alright for some, eh!?

That's how I would have interpreted the ok too.

OPs message was so left field. And read like it wanted him to plead with her to stay.

I think he's thinking he's dodged a bullet.

Edited: But the OP will never know what he's thinking, as she isn't doing anything to move things on. She's probably waiting for him to do so. He's probably waiting for her to do so. Both are thinking the other is out of order, but neither are making the first move.

Having read your posts OP, I'd suggest working on your communication skills. He may not have messaged since 10am. Did you? He didn't prearrange where to meet. Did you? He probably genuinely thought waiting in a hotel bed for you was a great way to greet you. If you didn't think that, why didn't you communicate it?

Yes this! And what @YoureALizardHarry11 said. I wouldn't treat a friend this way, let alone someone I was in a relationship with (however casual). I'm amazed at the tolerance some women have for crap behaviour - and no wonder men think they can get away with it!

I’m interested to know what OP’s other thread was as some people are saying she over reacted on that one too???

Hardly, I literally said I was going home so it didn’t look that way. I didn’t want him to plead with me.

I sat in a bar for over half an hour trying to work out how to respond / what to do, and given he hadn’t called, knowing my train had arrived, clearly knowing his message had landed badly, and not caring, I made my mind up and left. Two hours later when the next train finally arrived 😂