To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

100% this. All this thought about HIS feelings (some dude she meets in hotels for dinner and sex). Yet no expectation on him to put even 1% thought into HER feelings or watch his communication. It's entirely his loss since he was benefitting most from the arrangement, it was already an inconvenience for OP and her needs weren't being met.

given his lack of reaction/response it doesnt look like you even need to block him.It sucks but,NEVER overlook redflags.move on x

Not impossible for all of us. Stop generalising.

My feeling is that you should have got a clear agreement about where you were going to meet BEFORE you set off. Otherwise, you're expecting him to be a mind reader - something men are notoriously bad at.

I agree with you OP.

In all truth, this has all the dynamic of you being a married man's affair partner. Expected to truck up to his hotel room to meet his needs and be all ' Oh the thrill, tee hee' that he is waiting in bed for you.

I've not read all 24 pages in response to your post, OP, but bloody hell - I'm amazed at the low bar that some people on here have! If it's a new relationship, even if it's fairly low commitment, he should be at the phase of trying to impress you and make an effort. If he can't be bothered to do that now, then it would only get worse. I have wasted my time over the years with men who weren't as invested in the relationship as I was and my biggest regrets in life are that I had such low esteem that I did all the running around and wasted my time on some men who really were not worth it.

In my opinion, you did absolutely the right thing. He couldn't even be bothered to reply properly and sent you an 'ok'! Unbelievable!

I think you know you've done the right thing and you've probably saved yourself some heartache and hassle down the line. Hopefully you'll meet someone soon who will make much more of an effort and will treat you properly. Well done for listening to your gut instinct. I wish I'd done more of that!

You felt like a call girl . And I don’t blame you .
yes it might have been jokes - but he’s no gentleman.
the fact that how didn’t apologies straight away or call you and come and meet you somewhere shows he had no manners.
you did the right thing. Find yourself someone who treats you better than this

But why is it down to op to make this ‘clear agreement’? Why didn’t HE make a clear agreement rather than expecting her to be a mind reader and know that he was at the gym and that she should walk there in the cold and rain and dark with a heavy suitcase to meet him at the hotel!

I felt like that once upon a time in a similar-ish situation, when I turned around and fled. I couldn't explain it and my head and heart were not in synchrony. Best thing I did.

I’m starting to think this is a case of “He’s not that into you”. Sometimes we discover that a week into the relationship and sometimes two months into it. When men are “not that into you” they adopt that behaviour of not caring, not going out of their way but not saying “no” to a shag if you happen to travel to them. A man who is really into you will make sure he doesn’t loose you, this one can’t care less. He sees the OP as a convenient shag. Yes, it’s very painful when you realise “he’s just not into you” OP, specially in the rain after a long day and about to catch a two hour train to travel to this tosser. It’s heartbreaking but there were earlier red flags 🚩

It does sound like a married man's affair. But you were meeting for a couple of nights in a hotel so it doesn't sound as though it was ever going to be all that romantic.

Also if the hotel was only 10 mins walk from the station it's not that onerous for you, and he would have met you in reception. Bit wild to turn round and go home but once you realised the relationship wasn't how you imagined, probably for the best. (I do wonder why you took a heavy case for 2 nights though.)

The point is, he couldn’t be arsed to even be ready for when the op arrived! He messaged a good half hour after his first reply to say he was in the gym, so even if she had gone to the hotel to meet him, she would have had to wait for him to get out the gym, have a shower and get himself ready! The way HE has handled the whole thing knowing op had travelled to see him is extremely rude and selfish

Yes.

Didn't you realise OP? You should be grateful that this man is making time in his busy schedule to have sex with you.

Men like this are full of themselves and seriously overestimate what they are bringing to the table. Just be grateful that you realised sooner rather than later.

It's not just what he did at the time - absolutely entitled, selfish behaviour - it's the fact he hasn't been in touch with an apology afterwards.

You read about such awful relationships on MN and it's no surprise that women on here are thinking you should put up and shut up, when you see what kind of shit they put up with in their lives. It's as though they don't understand what a good relationship looks like.

You do, though, and you know this guy isn't the one for you. I completely agree with you - he wouldn't be the one for anyone with any self respect.

You’re well rid of him. Maybe you overreacted or maybe not, but I think his lack of communication and his little joke about the bed were very revealing. He’s shown himself to be selfish and dismissive. Who needs someone like that? The fact that he didn’t try to clear up a misunderstanding (if there was one, which is doubtful) says it all.

I would be upset as well. He couldn't be arsed to meet you after you travelled.

This is supposed to be the good bit where you get a bit of fuss.

I’d be interested to know why the meeting was arranged in a hotel? That in itself is a red flag. I’ve always been taken to a partner’s home and introduced to his friends as his girlfriend. The one time a guy asked to meet me in a hotel it was because he had a girlfriend already and didn’t want his mates to find out about me. OP did you not feel like he was keeping you a secret when he asked to meet in a hotel?

No because if you read the OP, he was travelling there for a work thing anyway.

This.

This is why it reminds me of a married man's affair. You are meant to hang around and then be uncomplainingly grateful that he has found time to squeeze you in for a shag.

All respect to you for binning him off and going home.

@Lumiodes
What? The OP was quite clear. He lives further away usually and she has been to his home but, on this occasion, he was working a little closer to her (still 2 hours away) and was staying in a hotel for work so she travelled to meet him there.

Well done, @Moonlightandroses44, your reaction was spot on.

Entitled git - good riddance!

Yeah this says it all. The bed joke definitely betrays where his mind is at ( and what a big treat he thinks he is!) Who wouldn’t travel miles for it! What is your problem OP?!

I don’t think you were overreacting, OP. As others have pointed out, he might not have realised it was raining, there were no taxis, or you had a heavy case — but when you told him, he had the perfect opportunity to say, ‘Oh, sorry, I’ll come and meet you.’ The fact he didn’t speaks volumes.
FWIW, I also think you’re right to leave it there and not contact him again.

Not the point but why were you lugging a heavy suitcase when it was just an overnight stay and back to work the next day?🤔

Yes I think you overreacted instead of setting your own boundaries around what you were prepared to do or not. That said you clearly wanted him to do more and he wasn't so you were done, fair enough. Onwards and upwards.