To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

Well done OP, I take my hat off to you for turning on your heels and going straight back home again.

He's an entitled dickhead and I am so glad you have dropped him like a hot potato.

A new delivery service. “JustSex” … “UberHookUps”… “DeliverO’s” 😂

No I accused him of treating me like a free sex worker.

Gosh. You seem to have quite calamitous train disembarkations… 😵‍💫

You mean… an “unpaid sex worker” (which is even worse!). If I’m going to travel two hours after a long hard day to a shag a guy who’s not even treating me for a glass Of wine, could not care less about my well-being and expects me to jump from the station into his bed I want to be financially compensated for this horror show.

I’m: “ im sorry, that wasn’t my intention”; “ of course I don’t think that”.

Honestly the possibilities are endless .

His basically says “ well … yeah!”

I think a lot of people responding might not have been in the dating world in recent years, particularly since online dating. There are so many lazy men out there, and the man in OP's post reminds me of so many I binned off for attitudes like that. Not being in contact all day to firm up evening plans... the short reply of 'OK' after OP stated how unhappy she was. Brings back a lot of memories!

The more I mull over this one, the more I think it's a case of online dating culture... But especially on the OP's part.

We all know about men who suddenly ghost, because they basically can't be bothered with emotions or because their head's been turned, and they want to avoid a difficult conversation.

I think this is the female equivalent, where instead of just having a conversation and being assertive, it's a flounce and block. And yes, I do call it a flounce to turn round and go home at great inconvenience to oneself, over something that could easily have been straightened out one way or another.

It seems like a real wariness and defensiveness when people act like this - which I can understand, because online dating culture (and the way it's permeated into offline relationships) is so horrible and we're all a bit traumatised by it! It's a shame that some posters are saying it's playing the "cool girl" to have a lightness of touch, take what enjoyment you can and not read the most dire conclusions into everything. I also think it's a shame that so many posters think it's OK to treat people shabbily in a casual relationship, although I don't think he did so.

If it's a positive healthy relationship the texts look fine.

The flirty 'I'll wait in bed' line would make me laugh and look forward to arriving with him waiting for me. We'd shag, drink wine and talk about whether to go to the restaurant or get room service.
Sounds like a good evening.

If then I couldn't get a taxi, I'd text him and ask for help, but be a bit disapointed the waiting in bed fun scenario hadn't worked out.

If however you already feel put upon, unappreciated and a lack of effort, it doesn't feel fun it feels lazy and like being used.

You say you are 'traditional in relationships' but honestly sleeping with someone who you're not in an exclusive realstionship with isn't traditional and is more likely to lead to misunderstanding, lack of effort and feeling used.

Your insecurity in this situation made it feel sleazy. In a secure realstionship it wuold have felt lighthearted and fun.

I’m with you, he sounds lazy not to come and meet you at the station. The ‘OK’ reply is immature also.

Good for you @Moonlightandroses44
He responded quickly, he could have said, I’m on my way, sorry.

Early days in the relationship I’d 100% expect them to be there, waiting to pick me up. No conversation needed. I’d be annoyed if I even had to ask 🙈 never mind them being in gym sending replies like that!

We’re all different as I can see from the responses OP, but this relationship wouldn’t be for me.

if they’re not excited to see you and WANT to meet you at the station after only a few months, then I don’t want it

Oh, I assumed because he'd paid for your train and the hotel that was part of the issue. That he'd paid so you'd come and have sex with him.

I think your communicate here is poor. If it was me I would have said "where are you? You need to meet me at the station after I've made all this effort" rather than a rant, but I am very direct. I probably would have said this before I even got on the train, and in all honesty I wouldn't have travelled this far to see someone this new.

So I think you need to better communicate what you want next time, rather than sending a rant like this. But it's a new relationship so nothing massively lost tbh.

What are these examples then? You can't name any.

I think you’re right, me included. I haven’t dated for years and find all the ‘we’re dating but not exclusive’ so at odds with the dating world I grew up in. To me it’s along the same lines as open marriages, full of confusion, crossed lines, different expectations. I’m glad to be out of it.

I love the fact u stuck up for urself and feelings and Good for u girl block and move on !

The 'OK' response is really: 'WTF. where did that come from? I thought we were both looking forward to this and made a flirty joke, and now you send me a tirade and you're going home?? I'm not sure what to say, except: OK.'

Absolutely agree with this.

Careful, your misogyny is showing.

If the OP always travels to him for EVERY date, how is it fair that she should bear all travel costs?

Agree the second to last paragraph here.

I think that’s the problem OP: you’re wanting one type of relationship but are giving off the vibes and behaviours of someone wanting something different. I think he was a twat not to apologise when you were clearly upset but up to a point I think you hadn’t made your expectations clear. I think he probably just thought “ well … I thought we were in a kind of delivery sex relationship “ and now is annoyed you aren’t being “ fun”.

I love that you turned around and got a train home. We all deserve better than that. You didn't overreact. You should block and move on, he isn't worth your time! Well done on not speaking to him at all or double messaging, andaking a stand. Big props for that. You're not a fucking escort going to a job, he could have been nicer but he went with "ok" - bellend behaviour.

This thread is very familiar to one a few weeks back.

OP, look at this way. Your instinct told you this wasn't right for you. You want to be treated better, and so you made a different choice for yourself. That takes self-awareness and conviction. So many of us women lack that nowadays.

Well done!!! There are plenty of men out there who will value the fact that you value yourself, trust in that.

If you had continued against your better judgement, I guarantee, the next day, you would have felt horrible.

There is nothing wrong with the women who would have enjoyed such an encounter. There is equally nothing wrong in the fact that you do not.

As a mum to 3 daughters, I absolutely know what I'm teaching them growing up.

Stick to your guns.

YABmassivelyU. What a way to suck all the fun out of dating!

You’re not exclusive and you’re at most casually dating, and staying in a hotel with him for a couple of nights…so that basically translates to, you’re meeting up for sex. He sent a lightly flirty message and you think he’s treating you like a sex worker?! You could have just replied like an adult and said “could you meet me at the station? My bag is really heavy and I’m tired”.

I wouldn’t worry about blocking him - if I was him and I got that message I would have blocked you! Massive overreaction and clearly you two aren’t compatible. Best to move on and draw a line under it.