To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

After his all day silence, she wanted to see how he would behave.

We finally agree! She did the right thing in leaving because the minute you have to resort to pass-agg game playing in your relationship it's doomed.

He didn’t do anything wrong, you’ve said you’re not exclusive so you have been meeting a guy for sex for a few months and this one time you expect him to be a gentleman and get in a huff when he’s not?

Why are you talking like a you've posted a revelation? OP herself knows he was a bellend, you haven't woken her up to anything

Jesus Christ. I haven’t been handing out sex on a plate.

until this, and minus the odd red flag that I’ve mentioned. He seemed more keen than me. He made an effort. He acted like he wanted a relationship. If anything he seemed to be more interested in that than me.

what seems to have happened is he relaxed because he thought it was a done deal and demonstrated that he doesn’t actually really care. In my opinion. It was a total 180. Whixh is why I was shocked. And why I left. I’m either totally mental or my subconscious has been picking up on something ‘off’ for a while and that text confirmed it and my immediate reaction was to turn around. I was so upset. I was looking forward to it. I baked fucking brownies for god’s sake. I thought we were on the same page.

he knew I had travelled a long way and knew how excited I was and the fact I was still willing to turn on my heel should maybe have indicated that something had gone very wrong. And he just said ‘ok’.

She CHOSE to!

Entirely beside the point. You accused her of expecting him to make more effort than she does and that's plainly not true. The fact that she agreed to it (possibly more accurate than "chose to") doesn't mean it isn't happening!

Honestly, the truth is that he was never that into her, she hoped he was, and now she's woken up to that.

And you do really seem to be enjoying telling her that.

@Moonlightandroses44 this has got to be the same guy/poster from the train engineering works weekend...

you should have ended it then.

I would doubt anyone who based on one small piece of interaction categorically dismisses anyone as a 'waste of space'.

The OP is evidently upset at not being met at the station and she can obviously be upset about whatever she wants. She could have communicated that in a mature way, but chose to instead write an OTT message intimating that he is looking for a prostitute.

As stated before, it's probably for the best for both of them. I'll pass on this now.

At the end of the day Op it's not working for you so (imo) it doesn't really matter what led to the ending of it.

Edited to add-you felt he was taking the piss.

Others wouldn't have done but that doesn't really matter.

Stick to your values I say.

Ok but then she is basically correct in her actions since once she realized she was not worth even a pretence of fuss or attention she legged it for home.

I couldn't really think of anything better tbh. Arriving at a hotel room, jumping into bed with someone you fancy, him just been to the gym (which I would totally think was all for my benefit of course). Him smelling of aftershave having just got out the shower. Champagne waiting as I threw my coat on the floor.

Fabs.

Much better than all the faff of seeing him looking up and down the platofrm, watching me trip over myself getting off a train, struggling with bags and the practicalities of who would carry what, and then making small talk whilst you bump into everyone and walk to the hotel together.

Yes! I must be sex-starved because I'm frankly quite envious of the whole thing! I couldn't agree more.

That final paragraph is quite a reach. "All the faff" of him looking at the platform and them working out who takes which bag? That's a huge effort that's easier than dragging it all there alone?

Dating is dinners, museum, beach walks etc it’s not travelling for sex.
In future try to be traditional like you want and date and know you’re exclusive before travelling for sex.

Nup I don’t t think you were at all unreasonable to draw a line. As you say, the fact he hasn’t responded says it all.

TBH, this is reminding me slightly of the ( distasteful) “ I’m not a hooker” joke: she’s happy to sleep with him for certain benefits ( takes a while to tell the long version) but when he strips it back and says “ will you sleep with me for 200 quid?” she objects: “ what do you think I am: a hooker!” He responds “ We’ve already established that. Now we are just negotiating the price.”

I absolutely get that you were NOT trying to be a hooker - even a high price one- and I totally see that you envisaged the development of a relationship. But I think having travelled about to meet him he genuinely sounds to have had the impression that you were ( hard to say it!) a kind of Uber delivery. The fact he didn’t immediately respond to clarify that of course he doesn’t think that is horribly close to him confirming that he did kinda think it.

Block, learn, move on. Far from having thrown an unreasonable tantrum, you’ve been too late in being a bit demanding. Take a dose of Princess Elixir, don’t run after the next one so much, and take care. You do deserve better.

So he's not allowed a single off day in the relationship? Let's say he was a bit of jerk this time in wanting to make use of the hotel's gym and rest in the room and not meet you at the station. If this was habitual shitty behaviour, your response would be understandable. But you're saying it was a total 180 and until that point he'd been lovely and super-keen on you. No wonder he replied so abruptly after you accused him of treating you like a prostitute. I would've been lost for words too.

I cannot be arsed to respond anymore to you! Myself and many others see that he is a prick! I was very good at weeding out these low effort types when I was on OLD!

He also chose to write an immature message yet you blame the op just because…. “You are happy to travel long distance and lug a heavy suitcase about in the dark and pouring rain and walk to a hotel’! Okay! I’m glad you have found someone who is also willing to let you do that! You make a perfect match then 😃 I mean, a woman walking all alone, in the dark and pouring rain with an heavy suitcase so she can’t run anywhere if anyone was to attack her isn’t a vulnerable woman at all!

Sorry but you sound very intense and really hard work. I couldn't be arsed with that if I were him. I think he's the one who's dodged a bullet.

I've been thinking the same but didn't dare say it for risk of being branded an Uber hooker!

I think you over-reacted.

As part of a new relationship, I'd have interpreted his comment as fun and flirty.

It feels like the day just got on top of you. Early morning, full day of work, long train, no taxis around, "I always have to do the travelling"... and you snapped.

Even if you've said, "There's no taxis, will you come and meet me at the station? You can carry my heavy case for a bit. ;)" He's not to know what you want if you don't articulate it. Especially at the "getting to know how each others brains work" stage of a relationship.

If you want to end the relationship now, fair enough. But maybe some reflection on how you communicate your needs would be good.

He made a poorly timed but ultimately silly joke and you blew up on him with a load of whining! You sounded like a long suffering wife

Poor lad!

But I think the problem is his radio silence after.

@zingally If you want to end the relationship now,

He already did it for her because she’s not a “cool girl” 🤣

OP accused him of treating her like a paid sex worker. How was he supposed to react to that?

No one can be bothered to read your irrelevant drivel.