To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

@LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit
'Op has already stated later on that he’s taken the piss out of her car and where she lives then covered it up as a ‘joke’!'

That's exactly what I referred to when I wrote 'following additional information from the OP that he's made shitty comments at other times'.

Please don't assume anything about what I'm willing to tolerate. From what you write yourself you had to go through a journey of learning not to put up with abuse before you learnt not to accept it. I never accepted it. ;-)

Can totally understand why you felt like you were being hired, totally agree with you getting the train home. The lack of response & no follow up says it all.

I'm not sure why there's so much debate about a woman having some self respect - good on you imo.

Op, you did the right thing. You didn't owe him sex just to avoid not over reacting. You said that YOU felt like uber eats, so YOU did the right thing FOR YOU

He couldn’t be bothered to message her all day- he is looking to put in the minimal effort so he can have shag.

She didn't say it was emotional abuse, but it put her off.

It's wanting to be 'waited on hand and foot' to want some communication when you're making the trouble to travel hours to see someone, or to want to be treated with some consideration and not just expected to go to bed and have sex, after a long day of work and travel.

It's sad that you see even simple expectations of women from a man she has travelled to see as 1950s behaviour.

So I need to do all of the travelling and all the firming up of the plans? It’s not about literal practicalities. It was the feeling of entitlement. And not caring.

No. You don't. But you have done and until last night were happy to.
Why was that?
Why can't he do 50-50?

The bottom line is you thought this was more than it is.
You thought he cared, but the truth is more likely that you were a FWB and as long as you were happy to do the running he was happy to accept that.

Maybe the crux of this is that you ignored other signs that he wasn't really committed or caring, and pressed on regardless.

Now, you've been brought up short to the reality.

I'm sorry.

We've all been there.

Tbh honest when your handing out sex on a plate in a non exclusive situation, there's plenty of available local men who you won't get resentful over travelling to them. I doubt that he saw this going to relationship status. At least you've identified what you don't want going forward. Absolutely don't ignore red flags, however small, especially negging.

I'm on your side OP.

In my younger days I'd have probably turned up and carried on with a gnawing feeling of being taken for granted or feeling used, and ultimately disappointed at the lack of effort from him but not having the balls to be assertive enough to do anything about it.

These days, if I were single I would do exactly as you do. The effort from me would match the effort or lack of, from him. And I wish to hell I valued myself way back when I was young like I do now.

His lacklustre reaction to your turnabout says it all really. A keen man who thought you were worth the effort would be calling you panicking that his clumsy flirting landed wrong and finding ways to let you know that it's not behaviour that's typical for him. Your guy just wasn't all that keen so you did the right thing walking.

And that is what I’m trying to say! I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt and I’m warning op about why I believe he’s a waste of space! It is not my fault if you haven’t yet been on that journey but maybe the more older and wiser people of this thread just ‘know’ from experience the guy is bad news!

It’s okay saying “well I don’t expect my partner to come and meet me at the station”! Well whoopy doo for you, but the op is upset that he didn’t, she is upset by his complete lack of effort and rightly so! If she wants to be upset by it then that’s up to her and doesn’t need to be told she shouldn’t be just because someone else is willing to walk all the way in the pouring rain with a heavy suitcase to see their partner just because they don’t ‘expect’ him to meet them at the station!

Bit unfair. She travels to see him all the time and had just travelled two hours after a day of work.

She CHOSE to!

And always has with this bloke.

Honestly, the truth is that he was never that into her, she hoped he was, and now she's woken up to that.

It's something that happens time and time, both ways.

He showed you who he is.
You believed him.
Shrug him off and move on.

What I see as 1950s behaviour is women not being direct about their wants and needs. If OP wanted him to meet her on the platform, she should've said that to him. If she was confused about their plans for the evening/weekend and wanted clarity, she should've texted him to confirm. If she didn't want to hop straight into bed straight after getting off the train, she could've made that clear. Tiptoeing around gets you nowhere.

Find a nice caring one who lives nearer.

Things like that are so weird. These people have no feelings.

No, she didn't 'set it all up' Your efforts to make OP the architect of the shitty situation are pathetic.

After making the effort of travelling to him after a full work day, it's not unreasonable to expect him to ask if she wanted to have dinner and what she fancied. Instead he demanded 'in the bed' knowing, she's be lugging a heavy suitcase up the hill to the hotel.

I have found the text fun. I think you’re overreacting.
i would have laughed and told him to get up off his arse and come pick me up

Having re-read OPs posts - I was right. She did have a feeling something wasn't right, and his behaviour reinforced her negative suspicions. Its one of those situations where guy would think "whoa, where this came from, weird" but to a woman the reaction would be completely logical and sensible.

I think, at the end of the day, you done the right thing - he made you feel crap, and this in not on. But your message was a bit too emotional, and all the references to Uber delivery were a bit OTT. You should have said - "are you meeting me or what? I'm tired and have no idea where your hotel is. I need to rest, eat and wash before I can even joke about sex." Men are simple creatures, you have to be direct.

You were feeling fed up and tired and you blamed him for your feelings. A few months into dating you should be able to say, 'Actually I'm a bit worn out, can you come and meet me at the station so we can grab a drink / bite to eat first.' Or in fact, why ask 'where are we meeting' if what you really mean is 'my train gets in at 7 - see you at the station'

Nah! Why would she need to bow down to him and ask if he’s meeting her and offer herself on a plate after that shit show of a performance from him! Op did the right thing

If he didn't make you feel good, then he's not for you. I think you did the right thing. He sounded Low-effort, and I would have felt the same as you. I probs wouldn't have bothered to send a message, but would have had a good laugh about him to my friends. I put a lot of effort into relationships, amd I expect the same in return. You have high standards, and this man is not a gentleman, so he didn't reach those standards. Good for you. X

After his all day silence, she wanted to see how he would behave. And his response showed he was a prick who didn't give a shit about her.

And when she found that out, she left. So she did the right thing.

This is why I prefer the old fashioned way of dating. When I was younger if someone asked you out then it was automatically assumed it was exclusive until you broke up. There were no conversations about it or second guessing.

Just want to say you were 100% right to go home again!! Well done for having standards and expectations about how you will be treated!! I honestly wish I had reacted the same way you had in various situations I have been in my life time! You are right to know your value and the fact that you deserve to be treated well, with care, decency and appreciation. Do not doubt yourself for a second but be damned proud that you value yourself and won’t tolerate being treated like you are an afterthought or a convenience. He is not worth your time thinking about this! Just be proud of yourself for not tolerating his lazy attitude, chalk it up to a learning moment, block him and move on!

OP this is why I'm on your side. Honestly I wouldn't want to be with a man who couldn't even drop a quick text (I mean surely he should have at least arranged it that morning whilst texting you!) to ask if you're OK getting to hotel/do you need a hand/want me to meet you, or even if he mentioned he'd like to get a workout in at the gym after work then can spend the next couple of days with you so are you OK getting to hotel type thing.