To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

"In the bed" is not tacky when you've arranged a couple of nights in a hotel with the person you've been dating and sleeping with for a few months! What would you expect to be doing? Playing Scrabble?

I think he was flirting. You overreacted

Fair enough. Since his not messages you though I don’t see the point in you blocking him either.

Just change his name to knob head and delete the text roll 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP I think your reaction to this was probably dictated by smaller red flags which you had been playing down, and this blatant “you are here for sex only and I don’t see a future in this” response from him was just the thing that drove it home to you that this was him showing how he expected things to go from here.

Apart from anything else, unless it was previously discussed, no mention of dinner?! He expected you to travel for 2 hours after work and just jump straight in to his bed and shag him hungry?! No go. 😂 His reaction also speaks volumes, if he was really in to you he’d have panicked and got in a bloody taxi to the station to get you! He doesn’t give a shit that you’ve dumped him.

Well done for not meekly accepting it, feeling a bit shit at being so obviously used and then dumping him when you got home. If you’d have posted that, most of the people giving you grief here for having boundaries would have been shouting you down saying “I’d have got straight back on the bloody train home”.

Well done on having boundaries.

Well what was there for op to reply to when he sent the flirty message? She asked a serious question and he replied with that? And didn’t have the decency to send another message saying ‘only joking, where would you like me to come and meet you?”

Why should she make the effort to walk all the way to the hotel when he said he was in the gym? She’d already just travelled 2 hours to see him, it was pouring with rain, she had a heavy suitcase and there were no taxis!

And more to the point what the fuck was he doing in the gym when he knew op was travelling to see him????

He made no effort at all and just expected her to make her own way to the hotel in the pouring rain with a heavy suitcase and no taxis! Okay!

Of course she sent a massive rant!

Possibly because he’s hoping you will come crawling back. And he’d like to keep the door open for more potential no strings sex.

imo,actual issue is you don’t know if you two are exclusive or not. How don’t you know? Was it discussed
I do think it’s an overreaction regard being met at the train station. it’s a bit princessy and unnecessary. I don’t met my friends or partner off a train. Children,older adults , folk unfamiliar with London yes I’d meet them. Partner , no
You knew it was a hotel weekend and sex. That was mutually understood
He has added you on to a pre-existing business trip, his work are getting the tab for the hotel.

I have plenty of standards, thanks very much. I'm also not so feeble that I can't make my own way to a hotel without expecting a man to pick me up and throwing an absolute tantrum when he doesn't.

The reason I got upset was not about the practicalities. It was the sense he was giving about not giving a shit. He hadn’t even messaged me to confirm where to meet him. Then basically just assumed I would turn up and shag him.

he had a good 50 minutes to realise that might not have landed well. And then double checked I was ok getting there. Bearing in mind of course, as I said, I do most of the travelling. Which I’m ok doing as long as I don’t feel like someone doesn’t give a shit.

do I really have to walk him through the basics of just being courteous? Yes I can get my own cab. Yes I can carry a case. But he made me feel cheap with that text and I just felt like an idiot for bothering.

You sound like you've been hurt and disappointed by men in the past, and I suspect that too triggered your reaction. Please don't beat yourself up or second-guess yourself. On balance I think you did the right thing.

Most probably. He likes “cool girls” as booty calls, easy breeze women who cause no fuss. Have them travel two hours to him and jump from the train straight to his bed to give him a blow- jb. Clearly the OP didn’t meet his expectations.

This!

Don't lower your standards. It's better to be single than be with someone who can't be bothered to make the bare minimum effort to see you.

On the one hand you say you had heavy suitcase and had travelled a long way. On the other hand you day you didn't know if you were going straight for dinner. With your suitcase?
If you wanted him to meet you at the station you should have said so. I would have assumed see you at the hotel unless other plans were made.
But his reaction to you going home again probably shows you've done the right thing.

I agree op is correct to end it if she has a bad feeling and is unhappy. Clearly incompatible

There seem to be quite a few cool girls on this thread. Maybe OP should pass on his contact details so they can fight over the prize!

Well said. My DH would always offer to meet me at the station - we only stopped doing that when we had DC and he’d stay home with them so I got a taxi. I’d have chucked this one back, the lazy arse.

yep, guy sounds like a catch 🤣

It’s not feeble to expect some care and consideration from someone you’ve travelled hours to see.

I’m sorry the men in your life are so pathetic.

Blocking him seems a moot point now. He doesn’t seem interested in you. You flounced and no one wants to deal with that. I think things are done.

OP did you post before about a horrible train journey and engineering works?
If that was you, definitely don't see this guy again.

If not you - or maybe either way - it's a shock to me how much manners and communication have altered in the last few years.

But there are still people out there who don't talk like this or who would interpret that the way you did - the Uber Eats thing, I understand it but I know a lot of people wouldn't.

But there isn't any point in expending so much energy on a casual shag or something you think could get serious, when there's such a communication mismatch.

I'm totally "you" in this situation tbh but I don't date so I don't have to deal with it.

I am aware a lot of people don't want to do stuff I consider basic courtesy or just friendliness, acts of warmth, on either side eg I offer to walk my sister to the bus stop when she visits. Some people would find that offensive now. She thinks I'm nuts so I stopped! 😂

men in particular seem to be against this kind of thing.

I really think it's best that you end it with him. From that text alone he sounds sleazy, immature and entitled. You also sound a bit fed up BUT (A) he could have just corrected your misassumption (B) there must be history as you wouldn't have been so harsh otherwise (C) it's good to see how he sees your long.term relationship. He clearly doesn't care or else he would have reached out, in which case, good you have seen how he is. Now you can move on!

I absolutely find it acceptable that my partner doesn't feel a need to meet me every time I arrive at his (I also go by train to meet). I am a competent adult! If you feel a need to be met everytime/courted like that and that works for the two of you, great!

I quoted you and discussed the question in general, sorry if that was confusing, not the intention, I couldn't figure out how to quote two, maybe that's possible!

It doesn't matter what other people think or say they would have felt. You felt uncomfortable and used in this situation and that is the important thing. If you didn't think it was right then you did the right thing by leaving.

It’s not flouncing to recognise a basically unsound situation and cut your losses and leave.

It’s sad that women are accused of flouncing when trusting their instincts.

The word there is ‘partner’. I take partner to mean someone you have been in a long term relationship with and not someone you only met 3 months ago who clearly doesn’t want to be in a relationship and only wants sex! There’s the difference.