To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

I thought ‘can you meet me at the station’ would have sounded a bit demanding. I gave him the opportunity to just you know, say something normal. Like - are you ok getting here and I’ll meet you in reception?

not ‘in bed’. Ie. I hope you’re ready to shag me after your full day’s work and travel in the rain.

I also kind of thought he might message me a lot earlier than just before my train was about to get in to confirm the plans he’d made. Given he was already there and might have wanted to go straight for dinner or something.

Well done for asserting your boundaries and sticking to them. He showed a lack of consideration and doing that this early in the relationship is a bad sign, he won’t get better.

And I agree even if he thought you’d over reacted he should have called or messaged to apologise for not thinking/misunderstanding.

It was a long distance relationship already where you were having to put in a lot of effort, he has to be worth that and he wasn’t.

If a guy really likes you, you’ll know it. Any ambiguity from him is a sign he’s just not that into you. If he wanted to be exclusive, you’d know you were, he’d of made that clear. He’d of taken you “off the market”. Sorry, harsh but true!

tbh if I'd got a text like that from you I don't think I'd be in a hurry to reply back. I'd be glad you got on the next train back. Haven't read the full thread so just basing it on OP. Too much drama for me.

Consideration and reciprocity tend to come naturally in new relationships where the people actually like each other, and it doesn't always need to be discussed, and there's no mind reading necessary.

People notice if the other person is doing the travelling for example and will either try to go to them the next time or do something in exchange to show appreciation. Someone would naturally notice Ok I've had an easy enough day, they've had a longer, busier day. I'll do X for them or help them out in X way.

You are totally NOT being unreasonable. Never make someone a priority who treats you like an option. He should have met you or communicated with you better. Lazy, entitled and now shagless. Bin him off. You know your worth. Well done!

Does he usually meet you/collect you from the station?

I don't think there's a right or a wrong-it's not what you will tolerate & I'm tempted to say good for you tbh.

You obviously dumped him with that message so I'm not sure why you'd expect a reply.

Do not message him again but do not block him. This strikes me as something that might be sorted down the line once you’ve calmed down.

He fucked up and you overreacted. It can be both things at the same time. Get back on the dating sites and put this experience to one side. Don’t put yourself out to that level again when you weren’t even boyfriend/girlfriend. To his mind it was friends with benefits and you were travelling all that way to see him as the sex was soooooo good. In your mind you were preparing for a relationship.

He has done in the past which is why it felt kind of like a deliberate snub. It was like something happened during the day without my knowledge and I have no idea what.

that’s why I was so shocked.

I agree with this.

You expected - rightly - more consideration. He did a flirty bloke thing and didn't think through how it might land with you. I don't think he's awful, just a bit of an idiot, and many women would have let it go. So yes, you over-reacted a little, but there's nothing wrong with having higher standards for male behaviour. And yes, if he were really into you, he'd have immediately apologised and tried to make amends, so no loss really.

You wanted to be met at the station. So I’m not sure why your first text didn’t say ‘Hi, train gets in at 6.40, are you ok to meet me at the front of the station?’

I don’t know how he was to know that was your expectation. We are all different, I would have been happy to walk to the hotel. You weren’t, so you just needed to say that.

I see the in bed comment as him just being flirty. But even at that point you could have just replied saying ‘sounds great, but come and meet me first and lug my case up the hill and have you booked a restaurant because I’ll need sustenance?’

You ignored him for an hour and then gave him no way to make it better.

Yes I'm very surprised we haven't heard the "You can't be a feminist or expect equality if you need a man to carry your suitcase" nonsense yet.

But I'm sure someone probably did say it, I just missed it 😂

You’re putting your own words in my mouth again here. I specifically said I DON’T think he was being unkind. Not that I think it’s ok for men to be unkind. I find it pointless speaking with people that cannot comprehend simple English, and instead insert their own narrative.

The guy wasn’t rude. He certainly wasn’t unkind in that exchange. OP expected something that wasn’t given, and she didn’t ask for it either.

Sure, it would be polite if he met her at the station, but it’s not necessarily the norm to do so and I wouldn’t expect someone to do that in the pouring rain unless there was a particular reason. It’s definitely not unkind not to do so, unless he was specifically refusing help that she’d requested. He didn’t know there was no taxis.

As I already said, if he isn’t up to her standards then let the relationship slide. But this particular reaction was pretty OTT for the situation presented.

Well op has now said that there have been other things like him taking the piss out of her car and where she lives and then pretending it’s all a joke! He sounds emotionally abusive, especially if you haven’t been seeing each other long and he’s resorted to this shitty behaviour but covers it up as a ‘joke’! From the screenshot of his messages, this is exactly how I imaged him to be! A prick!

Says it all really! And some people on here are happy to accept this!

He could have said 'I'm a bit tired, are you ok getting a taxi to the hotel, it's called xx' . 'In the bed' is tacky and yes, demanding. A kiss emoji doesn't change that. And then when OP didn't jump up and down, he deigned to be magnanimous and come down to Reception.

Hmm

You asked where to meet, he sent a flirty reply to some he enjoys having sex with and we presume is likely intending to have sex with him.

You don't reply.

He sends a further message saying a more sensible im in the gym, I'll meet you in reception, did you get here ok?

I don't see what's wrong with that. You normally come to him, does he usually meet you at the station? Why can't he go to the gym whilst he's waiting for you?

You then send a massive rant about how he's using you for sex and you're going home. He should have apologised but given your reaction was so extreme maybe he thought better of it.

Hang on though, OP – when he sent you the bed comment, he didn't know about your arduous, against-all-odds, am-I-going-to-make-it-one-piece journey in the brutal, lashing rain with a case as heavy as a tanker… He sent a cheeky comment based on what he presumably thought was a sexy mini break in a hotel with the woman he'd been seeing and sleeping with for the past few months.

@Moonlightandroses44 So have you blocked him now?
If not, what are you waiting for?
Another opportunity for him to demonstrate how ill-matched you are?
Him to apologise and get you questioning your instincts?
Just move on.

Maybe his already blocked her 😂

The fact that he didn't respond speaks volumes....he'd nothing to say as he knew he was taking the piss.

Good on you for having standards.

Surely he assumed you were getting a taxi? You said they're weren't any, why can't you use your words and say look,there's no cabs. Can you find one for me or walk and meet me? My luggage is heavy and I can't manage it.

He hasn’t

Well exactly. He’s not a mind reader - nobody is!

He did know OP was working away for 2 nights and had a suitcase and had all her work stuff.

Your sarcastic description shows you think women should just do all the running to entitled men. Get some standards.