To block him after this? (Text exchange)

[Moonlightandroses44]

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other.

Sounds different in the OP

I agree with this. If someone accused me of prostituting them in a disproportionate rant – how was it his fault that OP had a heavy suitcase, there were no taxis at the station or that it was raining?? – I wouldn't want to engage in further conversation either!

For all OP knew, he could've been staging a surprise in their hotel room - champagne on tap, etc – and that's why he was waiting there for her. The gym excuse could've been a ruse. She said herself he had been really considerate up until that point, meeting her from the station etc. But instead she accused him immediately of being a vile sexual predator and then wonders why he hasn't texted again!

He was paying for sex - he paid her travel fair like op was a delivery service! As you can see from his messages- he’s hardly bothered about anything more than sex! And I still stand by what I say about any decent man would meet at the station! My standards are high, I have a bf, he always comes to meet me at the station without being a ‘mind reader’ it’s just common decency and respect. If he treated me the way this guy treated the op, he’d be out the door!

OH and actually the reason he paid for the hotel was because he was using it for work!

You need a crash course then. I’ll walk you over: “ hey Susan, I’m really sorry you had a shit day. It’s really kind of you to travel to me two hours after such a bad day. Let me go and pick you up from the station and treat you to a bottle of nice chianti in the hotel bar so we can have a laugh at shit days”.

Took me 10 seconds to type it.

Hmm, I think the reaction from you was too strong OP. He may well have been joking or testing the water and fully expecting to take you out for dinner etc (possibly after the sex?!). I would have replied assuming it was a joke and asking if he’d come give you a hand with your case and had he booked anywhere for dinner.

If we are going to be posting quotes:

No I went home. The hotel was his, he booked and paid for it, given he needed to be there for work stuff anyway

It doesn’t matter what other people are comfortable with, you’re not. That’s fine. For what it’s worth it would have pissed me off too, well done for having enough self esteem to say fuck this and know you deserve better!

I think “OK” is exactly how I would respond and I also would probably not contact somebody again if I received a message like that. I would find somebody blowing their top over a small joke, and it was clearly a joke, quite alarming.

Why "delivery fee"? I thought it was quite gentlemen like, so she doesn't spend her own money. Also, saying she "delivered sex" makes it sound like there was zero fun in it for her, like a chore - then I would ask - why on earth did she go in the first place?

You clearly resent all the travelling and making all the effort. I would too. Your mistake was not speaking up earlier and letting it go on for so long and then blowing up over something so minor. So many things wrong, just block and move on.

It wasn’t just over a small joke though! Read the op again and see the effort she put into meeting him vs the lack of effort on his part. It’s about the bigger picture not just about one silly joke!

Well yes, but I would not want to pick her from the station or treat her to anything - or talk to her - because her reaction was so, well, unusual and over the top - I would not know what else to expect. In a very new relationship, if other person does something strange or alarming its much easier to walk away (which is exactly what OP did, though I still don't understand what freaked her out so much).

I feel like you massively overreacted. He then massively under reacted to your over reaction. Neither of which are crime of the century but do suggest a lack of compatibility

I think I would have expected we’d meet at the hotel and go out for a meal and drinks etc. But I’d have already confirmed that when planning to meet up, we’d be out exploring/eating drinking. If I had got the vibe it was just convenient sex for him I’d have declined at that point. I agree with others, you should have discussed sooner. Then you could have just messaged back after the ‘in bed’ text and said something like ‘haha. Well I’ll get a taxi down and unpack - have you found a good restaurant/bar/whatever’? If not, you could have said ‘this feels a bit off to me, hoping I’ve got the wrong end of the stick’ (or something) and taken it from there, or gone home if (as I suspect) you’ve realised it’s giving you the ick and not for you. I wouldn’t want to feel the way you described either.

But why on earth did she go? Why travel 2 hours after work, in crap weather, unless you absolutely want to see the person - no matter what? I think she probably felt unhappy with this even before the messages ect. And I would imagine if it wasn't the message there would be something else that would annoy her.

@littlebopeepp234 see I’d hate that as then there’d be pressure to get a particular train, confirm I’d got a particular train, say whether it was late/ early, etc. I’d much rather get to places under my own steam and have the freedom to do things my own way within reason (like if I wanted to get a coffee and get a later train, or walk to the hotel for a bit of fresh air and headspace, even do a bit of sightseeing on the way to the hotel). I hate the feeling of being beholden to someone/ feeling like they’re keeping tabs on me. Takes all sorts 🤷‍♀️

Of course if we’d specifically agreed to meet at the station or if I had asked him to meet me there for a particular reason (e.g. I knew I’d need a lift etc) that would be different but that’s not the case here.

She sat on a paid for train for a few hours. It’s not effort.

Work days are work days her or him being up since 5am because of work is bugger all to do with the meet up. If it’s too much effort you decline the invite. A simple, fancy meeting me at the station I’ve got heavy bags. Is all it required not a rant about being a delivery service of sex. He normally meets at the station and didn’t one time the op went off her top.

Maybe the guy is a shitty guy but op seemed to like him and enjoy his company till he didn’t meet and carry her bags one time.

Maybe they have both have a lucky escape, but I don’t get the hate for his ok.

It’s ok I understand and his done basically. He set out his stool. Ok. Bye. Not worth the drama.

Probably because she wanted to see him? I travel long distance to see my bf as we are in a ldr. That’s like asking me why I travel to go and see my bf? The difference is my bf always messages me and keeps in touch throughout the day and asks when my train will be arriving so he can be at the station waiting for me when I arrive.

I don’t get why the op is being blamed so much here. The guy is at fault because of his lack of effort. His messages come across like he’s not taking her seriously at all and appears to have no respect for her.

You should have said 'I have a really heavy suitcase' because heavy case reads like you are busy with work. I would have expected him to message you when you were on the train and check it was on schedule as minimum, and meet you at the station, and ask if you wanted to go out for food or straight back to the hotel first. The fact he was in the gym when your train was due in is rude as hell, and I don't think you overreacted. I'd have expected him to reply to apologize and say he was already on his way to try and find you and if you still wanted to leave after then that is ok but he'd wait to make sure you got in your train at least. Not just 'Ok'.

It’s the ok at the end that I think is bad. He doesn’t care about you and is too easy come easy go. Delete his number and move on. This guy isn’t a catch.

Women aren't stupid, OP has sensed a change in dynamic and his treatment of her and reacted by distancing herself and making her feelings known without swearing at him.

She's to be commended for placing a high value on herself and her time and instead people are rushing to blame OP.

OP at least you can crash out after work today. Sounds like you were tired and cold and not in the mood for jokes.

Exactly my thoughts. By the looks of his messages he probably has lots of women on the go so wasn’t afraid of losing op. That could have been where he was all day since 10am when he didn’t bother to keep in touch with op for the whole day! Definitely very easy come easy go vibes.

@localnotail though I still don't understand what freaked her out so much).

The lack of empathy. This said, had I been her I would have sent an earlier message clearly stating I had a shitty day and if he could “kindly pick me up from the station and wisk me away for diner or a glass of wine”. Yes, men are not mind readers, I get it but he acted in a very unkind manner treating her like a piece of meat.

Maybe they have both have a lucky escape, but I don’t get the hate for his ok.

It’s ok I understand and his done basically. He set out his stool. Ok. Bye. Not worth the drama.

Exactly this! If the roles were reversed, people would be applauding the OP for refusing to engage in his drama and for rising above his ranting and accusations of sexual impropriety with a simple OK.