Page 11 | To block him after this? (Text exchange)

RosyappleA · 23/02/2024 11:34

Notreadytomakenice · 23/02/2024 08:04

I'm with you.
It's also a sign of things to come. I want a relationship where someone is happy to go a little out of their way to make me feel special/ wanted/ make my life easier, and I'd do the same for them.
If he can't even meet you at the train station (or even offer to, hoping you'll say no) that's a red flag from me.

I second this. If he even liked you he would have made an effort even after all that. When they like you they like you. The definitely din’t give you silence all day. Your gut is right. I imagine if you waited the next time for him to come to see you he would have an excuse.

kittensinthekitchen · 23/02/2024 11:36

Did you post about this guy previously? About feeling like you made all the effort and did all the travelling?

As an aside, I don't think a two hour train ride is "onerous" at all, and surely even if you were going for dinner you'd have expected to drop your massive case at the hotel first anyway?

But yeah, if it's not feeling right, end it. Let us know if you hear from him.

Nanny0gg · 23/02/2024 11:37

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 08:11

Probably some underlying resentment but I would have been ok if this had gone differently. As I said, I wouldn’t mind if it was appreciated. It was also the fact that he hadn’t text all day to let me know any kind of plans for meeting and then this was what I got.

I just felt like I’d travelled for hours, and was then expected to lug a heavy case in the pouring rain up a hill to his hotel room where he was waiting in the warm, for on tap sex.

any other time flirty banter is fine, and I didn’t respond because I couldn’t work out if I WBU. But then he didn’t go on to just simply ask, are you ok getting here? Like am I really asking for the world here?

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Totally lacking in class.

And the Ok at the end...!

I think you did the right thing.

beatrix1234 · 23/02/2024 11:39

Some very low standards on this thread when it comes to men, it’s sad to read, specially from women justifying bad behaviour and plain lack of empathy as “poor communication”. We’re treating men like school boys who don’t know better but these guys are grown up adults who know perfectly aware what they’re doing, it’s just they don’t care.

britnay · 23/02/2024 11:39

My husband and I were in a long distance relationship for 18 months when we first got together, and always met eachother and saw eachother off at the station.

ZsaZsaTheCat · 23/02/2024 11:39

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 07:42

A few months into dating. All seemed fine, some minor red flags but I second guessed my intuition. I had actually dared to let myself like this guy.

He lives quite far away but was travelling for work, so got a hotel for a couple of nights so we could also see each other. Ultimately though he was here primarily for his plans. This place was still nearly two hours on the train for me with changeover times. But seemed like a nice idea although I had to travel after work and it meant having to get up super early. I always do most of the travelling to see him, it makes sense for various reasons and I would normally be ok with it as long as it’s appreciated and recognised.

He was texting totally normally in the morning. Saying he was excited to see me. Then nothing from 10am until 30 mins before my train gets in at 7pm, which he knows. So I eventually ask where we’re meeting and I get this. I am obviously the green! Might need to click on the picture to see the whole thing.

To me it was a sleazy and lazy response and made me feel like I was being totally used and gross. He then says nothing when I don’t respond for ages to attempt to correct in case he just wasn’t thinking or could see it might have landed wrong.

AIBU to have literally turned around and gone home?! I had to wait two hours for the next train back. I got home at 1am. He literally has not said anything. Nor have I! Hasn’t checked I got home ok. I am contemplating just blocking but I’m still in shock.

Even if it were a misunderstanding or I was overreacting (possible), I am shocked at how cold he was and the complete U-turn and then silence. Like… what the hell happened?

The hotel was probably a ten minute walk from him tops. I mean, a simple, looking forward to seeing you, are you ok getting a taxi here? Would have sufficed.

Jesus Christ-get rid of him. What an absolute arsehole.
The ‘ok’ in response tells you all you need to know. You’re a booty call. Sorry.

ArthurWrightus · 23/02/2024 11:40

You absolutely said and did the right thing. 100%

OneMerryRedSnail · 23/02/2024 11:41

Notreadytomakenice · 23/02/2024 08:04

I'm with you.
It's also a sign of things to come. I want a relationship where someone is happy to go a little out of their way to make me feel special/ wanted/ make my life easier, and I'd do the same for them.
If he can't even meet you at the train station (or even offer to, hoping you'll say no) that's a red flag from me.

This ^

littlebopeepp234 · 23/02/2024 11:41

beatrix1234 · 23/02/2024 11:39

Some very low standards on this thread when it comes to men, it’s sad to read, specially from women justifying bad behaviour and plain lack of empathy as “poor communication”. We’re treating men like school boys who don’t know better but these guys are grown up adults who know perfectly aware what they’re doing, it’s just they don’t care.

I agree! Can’t understand why people are blaming the op for ‘poor communication’ when it was the idiot she was going to meet who didn’t actually ‘communicate’ with her since 10am that morning and wouldn’t have communicated with her had she not messaged him 30 minutes before arrival to ask where they were meeting! Op very clearly did communicate!

burnoutbabe · 23/02/2024 11:42

One assumes the "up since 5am" was normal for work days though. rather than special for this day, - unclear though.

I'd have been texting from the second i got on the train though - on the train, looking forward to seeing you, where are we meeting. just to confirm all still going well.

(and also I'd have worked out either the station was a busy one with plenty of taxis or one where i may need to reserve one in advance as small local place/i'd walk as 10 mins and it was a safe route or he needed to come and meet me as it was an unsafe country unlit road)

Heronwatcher · 23/02/2024 11:42

To me it does seem like a bit of an overreaction, unless you’d arranged to be met at the station I’d expect to make my own way to the hotel. But I am a big believer in trusting your gut and if your instinct was to go back then I think you did the right thing. The fact that he didn’t apologise/ try to change your mind when you texted you were going back makes me think that he wasn’t that in to you either. I wouldn’t say anything now, just move on.

ZsaZsaTheCat · 23/02/2024 11:43

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 10:36

I actually thought it was better to leave as it was the stronger thing to do. Rather than whining and complaining but not following up.

that’s why I took so long to respond. I was sitting in a bar next to the station wondering what the hell to do 😞

I wasn’t aware I had to communicate things that I would expect out of basic courtesy. But I genuinely wonder if I’m going mental given some of the responses. I worried I’d overreacted and whether to message today but given he hasn’t, as you said, there’s my answer.

thank you though x

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Please don’t listen to the responses that say you over reacted. I think you absolutely did the right thing. Good on you 👏

Knittedfairies2 · 23/02/2024 11:44

I'd have waited for the next train too.

isthismylifenow · 23/02/2024 11:44

I haven't read the other posts, but have all of yours OP.

I would have done exactly the same as you.

You had gone to an awful lot of effort to see him, which he seemed to be totally taking for granted.

I didn't see how were you planning on getting to the hotel? Was it walking distance for you, would you need to be getting a taxi?

A little bit of effort from his side would have made things very much different. But there was nothing. Zero. Just an implication of sex on tap. Nah, you are worth more than this.

I would just block him in all honesty. He has had time to respond since, and hasn't.

Edited: To add I see you would also have had to still get a taxi to the hotel. So a further nope from me.

littlebopeepp234 · 23/02/2024 11:44

Heronwatcher · 23/02/2024 11:42

To me it does seem like a bit of an overreaction, unless you’d arranged to be met at the station I’d expect to make my own way to the hotel. But I am a big believer in trusting your gut and if your instinct was to go back then I think you did the right thing. The fact that he didn’t apologise/ try to change your mind when you texted you were going back makes me think that he wasn’t that in to you either. I wouldn’t say anything now, just move on.

Thank god I’m not dating you then!

My bf always meets me at the station, I don’t need to ask - he just does it!! Because he’s a decent person and he appreciates I travelled to see him! He doesn’t sit his arse in the gym waiting for me to chase after him!!

JoleneTookHerMan · 23/02/2024 11:47

Good for you!

SanctusInDistress · 23/02/2024 11:47

If your end goal is a long stable relationship based on mutual self respect, then you did the right thing.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/02/2024 11:48

Good for you !!!

Only thing that I would not have put was the word ' sorry ' at the beginning !

and as for his one word response ! well !!!

I hope he paid for all your train fares or at least half of them if you were the one always doing the travelling.

My dd is during the dating stuff right now, and if she travels to see someone she ( and I ) would expect him to be waiting at the station !

Rangelife · 23/02/2024 11:49

You sent him that message at 19:42, saying you were pissed off but still at the train station and he responded straight away with 'ok'?

It was at that point that I'd have been out. He could have said 'Hang on a minute I think there's been a miscommunication here, don't get the train just yet please, I'll shove a hoodie on and run down to the train station and we can talk about this and if you still want to go home after speaking about it then that is your prerogative'.

He didn't. This is where he was wrong, no attempt to acknowledge or resolve your upset. If he cared he would have done that.

Original poster

Moonlightandroses44 · 23/02/2024 11:49

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/02/2024 11:48

Good for you !!!

Only thing that I would not have put was the word ' sorry ' at the beginning !

and as for his one word response ! well !!!

I hope he paid for all your train fares or at least half of them if you were the one always doing the travelling.

My dd is during the dating stuff right now, and if she travels to see someone she ( and I ) would expect him to be waiting at the station !

Thank you - yes he did pay for the train fare. I expect he just saw it as a delivery fee 😂

OP posts:

localnotail · 23/02/2024 11:50

OP, I'm sorry but I don't understand your reaction. It sounds like sleeping with him is not something you enjoy- or something you are doing because you have to - to get something you need?

A gown up couple of lovers meeting up in a hotel, for fun and sex. Of course you will go to bed. Ok, he did not meet you - but did you ask him to meet you? you are both coming to the same hotel, its not like you are coming to his house.

I think this is a really sad situation. Something triggered you, but I think its more likely something from your past, not this particular situation.

Doglegs · 23/02/2024 11:50

Did he call you after the 'ok'? Text again?

Sturmundcalm · 23/02/2024 11:50

Haven't read every post but have read OP's.

I agree with some that it was potentially an over-reaction to the texts he sent and I don't think he necessarily meant it that way/might have reacted differently if you'd given him the chance BUT... if he had a light work day and was aware you'd had a really long day with lots of travelling why hadn't he messaged you 2 hours earlier to check you'd got train ok/how were you feeling? think that's what would bother me - if he knew you were looking forward to see him and were in good form then his text could absolutely be taken as light-hearted but he didn't know that cause he hadn't been in touch.

and the "ok" with no follow up tells you all you need to know! if i had been on the receiving end of your message from someone i cared about at all (friend, relative, whatever) i would have at least phoned the other person. that response means he doesn't really care about you at all.

littlebopeepp234 · 23/02/2024 11:52

localnotail · 23/02/2024 11:50

OP, I'm sorry but I don't understand your reaction. It sounds like sleeping with him is not something you enjoy- or something you are doing because you have to - to get something you need?

A gown up couple of lovers meeting up in a hotel, for fun and sex. Of course you will go to bed. Ok, he did not meet you - but did you ask him to meet you? you are both coming to the same hotel, its not like you are coming to his house.

I think this is a really sad situation. Something triggered you, but I think its more likely something from your past, not this particular situation.

Omg 🤣🤣🤣

Wow your standards must be extremely low if you’re willing to accept such behaviour

Nothing ‘triggered’ the op at all! She just wanted to be treated with respect!

Rangelife · 23/02/2024 11:52

Or even if he read your message and rang you that would have been something! YANBU OP. Is this the guy who sent you the supermarket delivery flowers and always paid for the train travel because he has a weird work set up and you might be moving to his city for work anyway or am I getting my wires crossed?