To think alot of people who have money/assets generally are clueless and lack empathy for those who don't.

[LindaHamilton]

I was chatting to colleague today about the UK couple who won the 61 million in the lotto. Colleague is much better paid than me and owns a house here in South East... She started ranting about how nobody needs that money and ''you'd get bored blah blah blah''

Other colleague also on a much better salary than me, who was given a big inheritance last year said similar and that she wouldn't want to win the lotto and why would anybody want that money?

On a similar note I'm reading many posts tonight on here and people saying their inheritance they received was no big deal and I've seen threads like this before. Basically people who got inheritances telling people who got none to stop complaining and to be happy. Easy to bloody say when you were given an inheritance....

AIBU to think there is a massive lack of empathy here? And people with money try to act like it's no big deal and think that those who don't have it should just suck it up?

I think you are right, a massive lack of empathy.

And no-one needs £61 million but just think of how wonderful it could be to help so many out.

I would ring fence a small amount for life security and then put the rest into a philanthropic fund to help anyone in need - grants for education, local charities, better housing, all sorts. Helping people who wanted to help themselves. Investing money back into society.

That would keep me pretty busy.

Yes actually in relation to another lotto draw... A colleague said "yeah 100k would be nice but it's not life changing"! It would be for me!

Why on earth would winning £61m ruin you? It'd be so easy to give a big chunk of it away until you felt you had an amount that suited you.

Think of all the good you could do in the world. You could build new hospitals or fund training programmes for medics in the poorest parts of the world.

I’m a case of poverty ending up well off though not 61 million wealthy obviously. I really do have empathy and I know it’s all anecdotal but here is my tale.

I had the odds stacked against me as grew up in a very deprived and abusive household. Social services were involved on more than one occasion and siblings removed.

So I know exactly how hard it can be. In a case of true social mobility I made it. Ended up working with people who were privileged. Considered working for a charity but the pay was appalling. Managed to retire at 55 and now do what I always would have liked to and work as a volunteer for 2 charities. I did do some voluntary work in the past but was obviously time limited.

You can have as many qualifications as you like but the one thing I have is I am a very good face to face communicator. Possibly honed from trying to avoid a beating as a child, my brain works at an unnatural speed, good at negotiation, persuasive, it’s a safety mechanism.

I have been on television talking about the fund raising I was doing a few years ago and also another campaign I was involved with and on the radio as well.

Most, if not all, see life through the lens of their own lives and experience, don’t they? Who truly understands what it’s like to be another person? You can imagine you do, but even that is based on your understanding of what you believe yourself to be like/are like, which may have little resemblance to who you really would be, or who someone else is.

The ‘real world’ looks very different from person to person, but there are many ‘real worlds’, and a fortunate one isn’t somehow less real than an unfortunate one.

As a child I lived in a country that was breaking apart, and was at war. I’ve never expected someone who didn’t to relate to that experience, or for it to be something central to their minds as they go about their own lives.

Couldn’t agree more.

Entrepreneurs are predominantly from wealthy backgrounds. I’m not talking mega rich, but upper middle class, privately educated.

Richard Branson set up Virgin with a £40k loan from his grandmother ( in the 60’s!)

the reality is that starting up a business takes funding. It easier if you have a network of people who have money to put into these projects.

Also - I have uni friends from wealthy backgrounds who worked hard to get where they are, but I also saw the massive advantages: no need for a part time job during term time, summers spent doing internships ( not in local pub), help buying a first flat. Rent paid for in London to access best jobs.

it just made their lives a lot less stressful ( and dare I say less ‘hard work’?) than those who had no cushion to fall back on.

This really.

I could handle £61 million just fine.

If anyone doesn't believe me feel free to donate and I will demonstrate.

I think most people are pretty clueless about other people’s lives and experiences. Doesn’t matter if they are rich, poor or somewhere in the middle.

Yes, I'd agree with this.

Particularly the point about some very wealthy people being very stingy.

I have a very wealthy friend. Lots of inherited wealth enabling them to live in a beautiful big period property. Kids privately educated paid for by some distant aunt although I'm quite sure they could afford the fees themselves. (They send this aunt ONE card per year, with a school photo of the kids).

Anyway, they live around 3 hours away from us so when we visit we tend to stay over. They put us in a large bedroom in a distant wing of their house. The large bedroom is made up with beds for us, and has a bathroom. Lovely. Except they don't heat that part of the house. It is FREEZING. We were told to bring "warm clothes and pyjamas". On our last visit I opened a cupboard and saw some plug in radiators....I mentioned them as was met with a load of awkward excuses about why we couldn't use them.

They also don't feed us. We last visited the week before Christmas. After driving for 3 hours, it was 90minutes before we got a drink (champagne), and then the kids all got fed some nuggets and chips (fine), and we got.....nibbles. Literally a bowl of twiglets shared between the 4 of us.

Luckily I have now come to expect it and I now pack snacks to eat in bed as we are so hungry.

I'm not sure if they eat before we get there, or if they sneak off to eat.

They also never, ever buy gifts. Not even wedding gifts. They just regift promotional items that they get from work.

@RosesAndHellebores I'm so sorry to read that, I was really touched- as you say money doesn't buy happiness

Whilst money doesn't buy happiness as such what money does in life is offer choices.so those worrying about having secure housing or access to private medical treatment in a timely way or even leave someone who has turned into a twat etc- that's one of the reasons you see many failed relationships with lottery winners, people who had stuck with the status quo due to lack of decent options suddenly make their move.

It means you can try a business out without it being an almighty risk or get out of a job you hate, not work when you have a really nasty medical condition etc

I think many who have plenty of money do find it hard to empathise because they often along the way have made choices that fit in with the fact that they have money (whether self made or earned or inherited or luck of property market etc)

One thing that does annoy me and a relative of ours promoted me to think about it was this idea of 'we've always worked hard' in the case of this relative the most she had done was 8 hours a week at a supermarket- even with grown up kids- now I'm not saying she didn't work hard at looking after kids when younger or housework etc - but it wasn't said in that way- what was actually the case was her husband had a reasonably well paid 9 to 5 job for very many years, paid overtime, no student loans, company paid into pension and they bought a house in the south east on 1 wage in the 70s equivalent to just under 3 times his wage. So a huge amount of being born at the right time was in the equation- and oh they had a very nice 3 bed council house for 5 years so could save enough up for their deposit.

That's lack of empathy or an understanding of how times have changed - and yes many people have it. My FIL who is 84 actually said the other week, all these people hanging around homeless on the street (this is in Kent) they can just go down the council and get allocated a 1 bed flat - why don't they do it.

Two of my BILs are self-made millionaires, and have worked hard for it. They have no conception of how little some people have to live on and how tough their lives are. They think these people should just do what they do, buy land and build houses on it, then they'd be rich, too.

I work in welfare rights. They regularly spout bollocks about people getting thousands a month in taxpayers' money because they're lazy and can't be arsed to work. When I tell them how little most people on benefits actually get, they simply don't believe me. (I've taken to carrying a CPAG leaflet giving the benefit rates in my bag to settle arguments.)

The SILs, who grew up relatively poor (although largely because FIL was a tax-dodging financial abuser who was always pleading poverty and actually had 10s of thousands in cash stashed in the house secretly), have a completely different view.

Empathy doesnt just apply to those less well off than you though does it?

Don't those of us without disabilities or life limiting illnesses take our health for granted?

Don't those of us who arent living in a war zone take our easy lives (in comparison) for granted?

Dont those of us who haven't lost a child take that for granted?

Yes, we should all have empathy of course, but noone goes around constantly thinking about "what if this awful thing happened" scenarios because you couldn't live like that 24/7- you'd end up having a nervous breakdown.

Empathy and gratitude are certainly important aspects of being a decent human being but this applies to all of us, not just the rich ones.

Me too.

Give it away or set up my own charity to help those who are struggling financially.

I'd help family and friends with some of it, too.

Some of it was luck for my dad and some of it was personality- sheer determination and drive.

the problem with thinking that it’s possible for everyone to do that with hard work is that it’s exceptionally difficult to do it, there are many barriers and it’s simply not possible for everyone.

that’s why it’s important to have policies that encourage more equality. Rather than live with a myth that if everyone worked hard there would be no poverty.

Richard Branson set up Virgin with a £40k loan from his grandmother ( in the 60’s!)

That was a huge amount of money then. A friend bought their first house, in South Croydon, for £8k in the early 70s.

He's not wrong is he! At least he is not pretending that he deserves it because he works hard.

OP I agree so much! So many examples I could list of wealthy friends who literally have no clue how non- standard their lifestyle is, and the very real impact that financial difficulties have on others. It’s weird because it’s like as they get older they seem to lose insight rather than gain it? Old friends who I remember being more self aware when younger who now seem in their own world and no understanding of the one that the rest of us are living in?

Despite my DC's privileges they have both grown up to very much empathise. DS has been doing voluntary work with Mind and DD volunteers at a charity for Downs Syndrome children.

They are both teaching, ds in academia and dd secondary English at an SEN school, often working with very challenged children and families.

The difference between us and the dc? The DC have genuine wealth behind them and therefore could chose vocations that would never pay despite being equipped for careers in Law, Accountancy or Banking. Also, they keep very stum at work about what they have.

DH and I are very aware of how hard things are nowadays. We were born at a different time when property was more affordable admittedly but over the years as far back as when I was single, friends told me I was mad and stupid to invest in property and leave dinner parties at 10pm because I had to be in work at 7.30am. So many times I was told I was wasting my life because I wouldn't pack it in and backpack Thailand and Australia. The same friends turned quite chippy when we had babies and I could give up work and they couldn't, we could afford to buy bigger and stay in London and they couldn't. So many whinges about "you are just so lucky". Er no, I didn't houseshare until 25, break up with a boyfriend and piss off to Australia for two years.

Similarly, in the playground "oh, your DH is never here to participate, I wouldn't put up with that", etc, etc. And then when we pulled ds out for independent, despite all the whinges about the school "oh you're so lucky, we just don't have that choice". A silent, well you do love, you could go back to work instead of lunches and tennis club, from me. Or "oh Jack and I would never do that, it would compromise our principles". Well good for you, lucky we don't have your principles. The couple with principles funnily enough didn't work, despite living a very mc lifestyle. I can only assume their principles were funded by inherited wealth.

In short, I do think it's about more than luck, it's also about making the right choices and a shed load of self-discipline. I don't think all wealthy people fail to empathise at all or aren't in touch with reality. I do however think there are many, many people from all parts of society who lack a decent filter.

He inherited £9 billion and did not pay a single penny of inheritance tax.

I'm not sure what income tax has to do with that but of course he should be on the highest rate - it is only because of the public services keeping society more or less stable that the peasants aren't breaking down his door(s) with pitchforks.

Precipice · Today 00:50

I don't think the first colleague really qualifies. Most people's lives would be very favourably changed by one million, two million, three million. But truly, nobody needs sixty-one million”

This. I wish the NL would pay out a max of £1 million to many more people.

If you have inherited money or come from generation wealth and I just mean on a scale of where your parents may have given you a house deposit/watch your children 1 day a week whilst you maintain your career and so on.

We don't all have to agree in life but I do think as adults yes we should have the skill to empathise at times. Although it does work both ways I've read threads on where people might have bought a bag or booked a holiday and people are offloading the COL crisis and complaing I don't agree with that either.

@mollyfolk you've hit the nail on the head! I'm astonished that many don't realise!

You’ve just exampled what the OP is going on about to be honest. People can make the right choices and have loads of self discipline and still financially struggle / not afford private school etc etc for loads of reasons. And very few of them are because they went backpacking or stayed at late at parties. The judgement of the wealthy!

Unsurprisingly as you obviously have a massive chip on your shoulder you have selected the parts of my post that fit your agenda.

My dad built his career up from working from the age of 14 in the post war years until he became MD of the same company 30 years later. He was only wealthy then and he did not help us financially but we did have a secure family unit. His job incidentally took a massive toll on his health and he died in his early 60s the same age I am now. My mum got a large pension because he died so young and does help us out now but never helped us buy a house primarily because she did not want us to move away from London.

We did not buy our dream house first off. We rented a grotty flat in a horrible area which was cheap and saved up for our first deposit on a probate sale. We renovated that and another property then moved away from the South East to buy a property we now love. No financial help from mine or DHs mum who rented all her life.

I accept that a secure family unit and a good education and a drive to do well are the primary reasons why people do well in life along with the luck to stay well and not be in a career which is unstable. That does not necessarily mean you come from inherited wealth.

Exactly...