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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have 'hired help'?

144 replies

BlackBean2023 · 22/02/2024 16:16

Just that really.

DH and I work full time. Good salaries. 2 children - youngest is 7 - and 1 dog. 3 bed detached house with a decent garden. DH does his bit but tbh we're both too knackered to prioritise housework and spend 4/5 nights and 1 weekend day each week getting DC to various clubs.

I can't keep on top of everything. I've spent 4 days cleaning the house but know it will be back to its usual state by next week. Every couple of months or so we spend a weekend (and an absolute fortune) blitzing the garden, it looks great for a week then back to weeds and untidy Blush

I've costed up getting a cleaner for a couple of hours a week, and a gardener every fortnight and it would cost around £50 a week. We can afford it if we lose our dog walker (not essential as I work hybrid- she just saves me a couple of hours a week which tbh in the spring/summer I like doing myself anyway!).

DM has just made a comment about me being "born to have staff" which has got my back up. AIBU to think that lots of people who have FT jobs engage cleaners/gardeners/other household helpers to help them out??

OP posts:
Herdinggoats · 22/02/2024 16:18

When you say your DH does his bit, has he also spent 4 days cleaning? If yes it’s a joke- laugh and get a cleaner. If no, he needs to wind his neck in and get a cleaner

ShareTheDuvet · 22/02/2024 16:20

We have a cleaner - she’s a bloody godsend and I can’t imagine life without her. Got her when I went back to work f/t.

Peaceupatown · 22/02/2024 16:21

We have a weekly cleaner, it makes a huge difference

Rocknrollstar · 22/02/2024 16:22

Weekly cleaner and a gardener who comes every other week and a monthly window cleaner.

peachgreen · 22/02/2024 16:23

I have a cleaner and there’s not much I wouldn’t give up to keep her.

Movinghouseatlast · 22/02/2024 16:23

I have a cleaner for four hours a fortnight and a gardener the same. I couldn't manage without them as it all gets on top of me.

idontlikealdi · 22/02/2024 16:23

Cleaner.

DH likes gardening uses it as an excuse to not deal with children so no gardener.

MoltenLasagne · 22/02/2024 16:24

I'd much rather have a cleaner (which we do) than a dog walker. There's still enough cleaning to do even with someone coming weekly.

Samsond · 22/02/2024 16:24

Did your mum work full time with 2 young kids? Did they have as many clubs? Its none of her business either way, but I'd be willing to bet a lot of people.who make comments like that have no idea what real idea is like these days.
We have a cleaner for 2 hours a week. I still struggle to keep on top of laundry and stuff. DH works long hours so everything falls to me during the week. I work 30 hours, he works about 55.
Get a cleaner. And a gardener if you can afford it and it would improve your life. Why not?

beguilingeyes · 22/02/2024 16:24

We have a cleaner. I would give up a lot before I gave her up. I hate cleaning and don't get enough spare time as it is.

Ithinkitstimeforbed · 22/02/2024 16:25

Yes for sure it’s normal! I’m not working atm, I’m with my toddler at home and we still have a cleaner, we only have a gardener twice a year (it’s a really small garden, more to trim and take away the branches and general garden stuff), window cleaners monthly. My friend has a “daily” and she’s not working either. If you can afford to outsource stuff then why not?

idontlikealdi · 22/02/2024 16:26

Samsond · 22/02/2024 16:24

Did your mum work full time with 2 young kids? Did they have as many clubs? Its none of her business either way, but I'd be willing to bet a lot of people.who make comments like that have no idea what real idea is like these days.
We have a cleaner for 2 hours a week. I still struggle to keep on top of laundry and stuff. DH works long hours so everything falls to me during the week. I work 30 hours, he works about 55.
Get a cleaner. And a gardener if you can afford it and it would improve your life. Why not?

This is so true. My mum makes comments, she helpfully forgets when we were kids she didn't work, had a cleaner, a gardener and an au pair during the holidays. We spent a couple of years in the ME with a live in house keeper. Madness.

Buzzer3555 · 22/02/2024 16:27

We have a gardener and had a cleaner until I retired from a full time job

Olika · 22/02/2024 16:27

I think there's nothing wrong with having help if you can afford it and it makes a positive difference.

allmycats · 22/02/2024 16:29

Cleaner every week is not an indulgence. Get one asap. Then look at a gardener to come in and get it up to scratch, then come every 2 weeks for maintenance. You do what works for your family.

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/02/2024 16:29

I wouldn’t worry what your mum thinks. There’s no prize given out at the end of your life for being a martyr and being tired and stressed needlessly when there are other options.

Technically we don’t have “hired help” (we had a cleaner for a bit, indeed tried two different ones, but neither cleaned as well as we can and were a bit unreliable so they weren’t particularly helpful): but we eat out for most meals per week, order all groceries via Ocado or Deliveroo, send half our clothes out for dry cleaning, and have a robot vacuum cleaner - which is essentially outsourcing a whole load of domestic labour.

Unabletomitigate · 22/02/2024 16:29

It is your money and your time. Go for it.

newyearnewnothing · 22/02/2024 16:30

I use everything possible to make my free time free .
I don't have a weekly cleaner but I have a monthly cleaner who does all the jobs I can't keep on top of, widows, oven, wood work ect.
I have all food, toiletries and cleaning products delivered.
I use a slow cooker and airfryer to help make it easier to cook decent meals.
Nearly everything is on a smart plug so I can control it from my phone.
Life is hard enough as it is. So throw whatever you can at making it easier.

dancinginthewind · 22/02/2024 16:32

A friend asked me before Christmas if I have to have a staff party given how much hired help we have

  • cleaner who comes twice a week for 6 hours in total
  • gardeners for 3hrs a fortnight
  • person to mow the lawn once a fortnight and then, in the winter, he does things like jet washing
Also have ad hoc things like mobile car valet, oven cleaner, handyman and have also recently found a local lady who is a carer but has some spare time most days and, provided it doesn't have to be a set time on a set day, is able to do all sorts of random errands. I've had a cleaner since I first started work and then introduced the mower man one summer when the DC were 4 & 2, it was miserable weather all summer and the only time it was sunny at the weekend then either DH or I to mow the lawn rather than actually go out & enjoy the weather.
mitogoshi · 22/02/2024 16:33

Nothing wrong with employing cleaners and gardeners, you do do it legally eg check they have working permission if not British ( know someone caught out by that) . The main issue 4 nights a week and one day at the weekend ... I couldn't have coped with that, my kids are young adults now and that wasn't normal then

PermanentTemporary · 22/02/2024 16:33

I employ a weekly cleaner and a fortnightly gardener. We both work full time. We no longer have children at home. It is expensive but to me it is worth it.

I could go off into a long self justifying post about why I do it but I'm not bloody going to. I earn the money and I can think of a lot worse things to spend our cash on. I hope that we are good employers.

I think your dh was joking but there's no doubt that you're feeling sensitive about this being about you or your personality. It's not. It's no different from paying a restaurant bill imo.

Punxsatawnyphil · 22/02/2024 16:35

No. We both work FT with 2 kids but we are around the house a lot so can get most stuff done. DH loves a gadget so bought a top spec hoover, window washing brushes and loves washing the car even though its a company car that work will pay for valeting.
Cleaning doesn't take too long to throw a duster and hoover around. Everyone pitches in so it's not too bad.

avocadotofu · 22/02/2024 16:35

We have a weekly cleaner, I honestly couldn't cope without her.

Motheranddaughter · 22/02/2024 16:36

We have a cleaner twice a week
I work very long hours

guineasgalore · 22/02/2024 16:52

We had a cleaner every other week when the children were younger, but now they are older, we just have a gardener twice a month for a few hours and a window cleaner (and my house is probably not quite as clean as I'd like..)