To ask if you have 'hired help'?

[BlackBean2023]

Just that really.

DH and I work full time. Good salaries. 2 children - youngest is 7 - and 1 dog. 3 bed detached house with a decent garden. DH does his bit but tbh we're both too knackered to prioritise housework and spend 4/5 nights and 1 weekend day each week getting DC to various clubs.

I can't keep on top of everything. I've spent 4 days cleaning the house but know it will be back to its usual state by next week. Every couple of months or so we spend a weekend (and an absolute fortune) blitzing the garden, it looks great for a week then back to weeds and untidy

I've costed up getting a cleaner for a couple of hours a week, and a gardener every fortnight and it would cost around £50 a week. We can afford it if we lose our dog walker (not essential as I work hybrid- she just saves me a couple of hours a week which tbh in the spring/summer I like doing myself anyway!).

DM has just made a comment about me being "born to have staff" which has got my back up. AIBU to think that lots of people who have FT jobs engage cleaners/gardeners/other household helpers to help them out??

Do not feel that you have to justify anything.

We have a cleaner twice a week, she comes for 12 hours, she is probably more of a housekeeper, cleans, changes beds, sorts out the kids wardrobe etc.
Gardener fortnightly in the winter and weekly in the summer, we have a large garden and he power washes etc.
An ironing lady for an hour a week.
Monthly window cleaning, loads of bloody windows.
Dog walker 4 times a week.
we have livery for our daughters horses.
All food is delivered weekly for Waitrose.
Ovens deep cleaned by a company around 3 times a year,
We both work full time and we want to enjoy our time in the evenings and weekends.

I love how many people outsource their ironing!

I am the only person I know who irons, and I only do it about twice a year, or for a special occasion!

We have cotton bedding that looks shit without being ironed and I don’t have the energy to do 6 king/super king bedding.

Not judging at all! I think it’s cool! Just no one here irons at all and when I say I do, people give me side eye!

Years ago I lived in Europe, and they had a thing called “heißmangel” which would be perfect for you! It was a giant hot roller for bed linens. Just one roll on the hot roller left everything crisp.

Yes- cleaver, sporadic gardener and ironing of DH shirts only. We can afford it and gives us back much needed family time

I know you were not judging, if we did not have help, we would have very creased clothes!

almost everyone I know has cleaners. I have a couple of friends who don’t and they tend me the ones with the nicest houses so they must really enjoy cleaning! I first got one in my mid twenties moved in with an ex and we’d spend half of Sat cleaning and arguing about it. With kids it’s a no brainer. We’ve got cleaners on Tue and Fri and it makes a real difference. When my LO was 0-6 months I got a cleaner 2 hrs a day when my partner went back to work and it was a godsend. Do it!

Cleaner - I work so hard during the week that I feel paying her her hourly rate is a complete bargain so I can relax on a Saturday morning. It also has stopped all housework fights with DH which used to be our main quarrelling topic.

Your MIL needs to wind her neck in.

I've got a cleaner and a dog walker and if I had to make budget cuts, they wouldn't be anywhere near the top of the list of things I'd be willing to sacrifice.

Sorry, your Mum, not your MIL. Either way, they need to shhh.

It was my mum not mum-in-law!

I think mum's tend to forget what life was like then ,often they were sahms and had more time to spare .if you want a cleaner that's fine you don't need anyone else's opinion! Go for it

I work to earn money so that I can spend it how I want to . And things I prefer to buy include professional help ... cleaning, gardening , eyelash extensions, a massage and whatever I choose. That's what my money is for. No guilt.

Hardly staff - most people have a cleaner . They won't exclusively work for you lol

Cleaner 2hrs a week, gardener 2hrs a fortnight, au pair 25hrs for wraparound as our jobs mean we're out of the house 7-7.

Throughout our marriage, in all times where we have both worked full time, we have had a cleaner at least every other week. Now I'm part time but have health issues and we still have a cleaner. It's just not what we want to spend our spare time doing and are in the fortunate position to have good enough earnings to cover it.

Window cleaner £7.50 2X month
Gardener does the lawn 2X month - £15
Cleaner comes 2X month does the downstairs, mops, vacs the stairs and does the bathroom & ensuite - £39
I have a dog walker 2X week for an hour - £15
I send washing to the launderette for service wash (duvets, throws, heavy stuff i cant dry because the rain and weather) £12 a time - means i don't have to faff and have wet washing all over radiators for days.

Each of those paid activities enables me to utilise my free time better, it means i don't get annoyed & argue with other household members because stuff isn't done and i end up doing it all after work, each of those activities are worth their cost vs my time and the benefit they bring. That's the key - does the cost outweigh the benefit to you and your family? If it does - then get the help. If it doesn't - then the household tasks need to fall to the household people... DH needs to also step up.

Hmm it’s up to you, why don’t you start asking children to do chores and help out?

Also I will add that working lives are very different these days. Women simply have to work these days and hats off if you’ve been trying to make it work because I feel overwhelmed with my housework and I only work part time.