Performance parents

[Maryquitecontrarymary]

Am I the only one who is irritated like hell around these people?
At airport waiting to board flight. Couple infront with 2 kids who seemed to want everyone to know what fun they are and how much banter they have together as a family. "Oh look at us, look how fun we are, look how great we get on with our kids".
Try to ignore but it's impossible as they are so loud and they are constantly looking around as though to see who is watching and listening, so you have to make sure you don't look their way or make eye contact.
Oh and guess where they happen to be sitting? Yep you guessed it, right behind us. I swear the whole flight could hear them and only them. The woman had a gob like a foghorn and seemed to swing between being performance banter mum and having a go at her husband. Even ear plugs couldn't drown them out.
I'm surprised these people don't exhaust themselves with their performances

I often speak with and engage with my son in a louder than normal, clear voice in busy places. He’s 2.5 and I’m not doing it so other people can hear but so that he can.
Obviously if we’re somewhere quiet I’ll be quiet but in a busy area such as an airport why shouldn’t parents do what’s best for their children - you probably haven’t crossed their minds at all.

I’ve done it on a couple of occasions.
Once I’d taken ds to the Imperial war museum and we were looking at some tanks.
A dc, about 9, with his father made a correct comment about a tank.
His father loudly ridiculed his dc telling him he was wrong.
I went into full on performance mode explaining the same correct information to my ds in a loud voice.
Tbf the father had the good grace to apologise to his ds.

The other time my 2 yr old dd was having a huge meltdown in a supermarket and the assistant made a comment on how loudly she was screaming. She was tbf. I deliberately went into being a lovely, understanding dm when to be truthful I was frustrated to the point of wishing I could lock dd in the car.

I find them amusing, but in an endearing way.
Tbf I very much prefer them to the piss poor parents who don't bother their arse, think discipline is a school's job, thus have incredibly badly behaved/super annoying children.

I always worry that people will view me this way as I talk to my three year old a lot on the walk home from childcare and just as we're out and about in general.

I remember being stuck on a plane at Gatwick last June with our 2.5 year old. We were delayed taking off by an hour and we had to entertain our son during this time. Husband and I ended up reading him all of the books we had in his bag and talking to him about the different coloured planes we could see out of the window, the baggage trucks etc, anything to keep his attention and avoid him trying to climb out of his seat or annoying the passengers behind and in front.

We weren't loud as I'm autistic and can't do loud volumes so am always instructing my son to keep his voice down but I was still concerned that the reading or the stream of chatting was annoying. Thankfully the only comment we got was from the lady in front of us who thanked us for our efforts at keeping him still and said it was nice to hear a toddler engaging with their parents.

I don't really know how to reply to this ?

piss poor parents my god !

Oh one of the mums at school is like this... Whilst at pick up her daughter looked through the window and it was like "HIIIIIII Ohhhhhh it's my daaauuughter!!!" very loud and looking around to see who was looking. We all know who she is cos you're just LOUD!

So unlikely so called “performance parents” are parenting for your (or any else beyond their children) benefit. Honestly, who has time/energy for that?! And, if they only did it in public in certain situations, their kids would not react to it in the ways preferred.

Much more likely they are ‘doing it’ to benefit their kids. And I mean how very dare they…. How dare they do anything that you wouldn’t have bothered doing with yours. How dare they make noise. How dare they put their kids before your relaxed noiseless flight. How very dare they!

They do sound annoying - but I reckon it’s infinitely worse when parents ignore their kids and leave them to get bored and whiny.

I was called a performance parent by a woman in arrivals (not to my face, how brave of her) simply for talking to and engaging with my 18 month old. Have no idea whether she was sat near me on the flight as I wasn’t looking around to see who was noticing me being ‘mum of the year’, which she also called me. It’s subjective but some people seem to have real issues with parents interacting with their kids.

IME it’s often the fathers that do it MORE.

@Mrsjayy which part of that post is troubling you? There are plenty of shit parents around. This is not a shocking revelation unfortunately.

I have a neighbour several doors up like this. I hear him in the garden in summer time very loudly shouting stuff like, “Daddy’s going to be a dinosaur! Is daddy the scariest dinosaur?. Let’s jump high! Look how high daddy can jump. I’m like a kangaroo! I’m going to chase you. Caught you! Wow, look at that! Now, look at me!”.
It’s genuinely hilarious. And I never hear the kids. I’m wondering if he actually has any……

Please don’t ever worry about this. The people judging ‘performance parents’ (similar to people judging and laughing in general) are simply jealous of that which they cannot understand/ do themselves.

What you describe sounds like secure attachment. It’s beautiful. And it benefits your child in so many ways.

Yes maybe there are arseholes judging you for it using the pejorative ‘performance parenting’ or ‘competitive parenting’. If they do - feel sorry for them. Secure attachment is so often lacking in families. There’s probably a reason they have nothing to talk their children about.

Get a grip, how nasty. A family out and having fun with each other - how terrible!

Do you have kids? Sounds like you’re maybe projecting your insecurities of your own parenting onto others.

Don’t worry. What you describe is excellent parenting. No need to be loud..

Ugh! God forbid people talk and laugh audibly in public! I mean, they were obviously doing it all just for you - just to get your bile and spite flowing 😂
Actually, OP, it's a free world. And if you're annoyed by folk just being human and doing their totally harmless innocuous thing then that really is a problem you got there. Best not go out in public - save yourself from being offended.

Ya I mean hilarious that people play with their kids in their garden. Aren’t they gas altogether! And they are definitely doing it for your benefit. There’s zero other reason why anyone would partake in such games with kids.

Ah, aeroplanes. A notoriously peaceful surrounding, with a base level of 105 decibels in flight.

I think even if that family weren’t there, you’d have found someone to piss you off, OP.

Also some people are just naturally more gregarious and less tightly wound.

Hmm, I don’t know about you, but when I play with my kids in the garden I a. don’t do it at a decibel that would wake the dead and b. I don’t tend to make it all about me.

My youngest nephew is profoundly Deaf. Despite my sister pushing, it was late to be diagnosed, due to the age old Covid excuse. He has longish hair and you wouldn't notice his hearing aids at a glance. Besides, in busy places with a lot of background noise, we often have to remove them because it's too overwhelming. He has a level of global developmental delay due to his disability and his vocabulary range is nowhere near that of his peers. Therefore, we have to commentate, fairly loudly, to him quite a lot. He missed out on the pointing at random things and saying the name of them when he was a baby, because he couldn't hear us. He'll do the odd Makaton sign, but he's very self conscious, because even at the age of 4, he's realised that it draws attention to him. He talks fairly quietly too, because he's been misunderstood so much, talking out loud embarrasses him. Speech and Language is bringing him on a bit, but he was late accessing because again, Covid and they're over subscribed and he was too young for a diagnosis etc, etc

So you'll see me talking very loudly and doing hand gestures to a child that doesn't appear to be engaging back

A woman once tutted at my sister in fact. She soon shut the fuck up when my sister asked her if she'd have a problem with a child in a wheelchair too, or if it was only Deaf kids that offended her

You might wish we talked more quietly in the snapshot of a day you see us. I wish his world wasn't so small due to his disability and worry about the future.

Parents having fun with their children and each other, on holiday. The absolute bastards, how shitty of them.
As a child free woman, I’m always struck by how intolerant of children and families other parents are. I suspect some people take everyone as a judgement on themselves.

Honestly rather that than the parents oblivous with their faces in their phones while the children run around causing havoc.

I once overheard a dad in a toilet stall with his kid. He yelled “DISMOUNT!” in a drill-sergeant voice when the kid has finished his business. Now that’s the kind of loud parenting I can applaud.

What is going on in your life that makes you want to post such a patronising, passive aggressive post and monitor what someone is posting about?

Jesus Christ, calm down.