Child reins acceptable in this circumstance?

[Vipoli]

5 yo twins and a 4 yo. Twins are IVF after 5 years of infertility. Are reins acceptable? Parents have a serious case of PFB but with all three.

One parent often walks from house to small town precinct. Too close for car plus poor parking.

I just knew this was going to be about an inlaw.

Different people have different parenting, they aren't being neglectful or abusive, maybe a little OTT about protecting their kids, but thats hardly a crime, but they don't need some relative popping up every once in a while feeling embarrassed and slating them for their parenting.

@Maray1967 if the child is too big fr the car seat.. then yes it would be! If you mean using a size appropriate seat to a later age than normal... that would be a valid comparison.

Look, the twins are 5 and the next one is 4 so at one point they had three children under about 18 months. Seriously that's total insane-making territory. They did what they did to survive it and they're still doing what they're doing because it works for them. The children are safe, halleluiah! Celebrate your brother and sister-in-law, they honestly sound like they're doing a magnificent job and I bet your love and support will do them oooooodles more good than your judgements.

At 5, I am surprised the kids stay in them - mine would totally just wriggle out!

Sounds odd and anxious.

But then the friends I know with twins have especially fried brains - they don't obey instructions the same way, sneak off when you're not looking, back each other up etc. They've basically got triplets with those ages, whatever they need to get through the day would be ok by me

Reins are always acceptable when it ensures a child’s safety. But they are quite old to be needing them (unless SEN perhaps), and really they should be learning some safety.

Gently they are going to prevent the children learning to assess risks at an age appropriate stage. I am assuming no SEN? They do realise in a school outing this won't take place and the children are a disadvantage of not learning from their parents.

I have absolutely no issue with reins and used them on mine when they were younger. However, this seems to be more about anxiety than actual reality based concern of them getting run over. I'm still panicked about mine being run over but they are older now and I can't let them live their life in fear of my fears. The children are well behaved and not bolters then they are old enough to walk on their own.

Are the kids in school? My kids would have been mortified at that age being on reins if they saw their school friends.

It must be hard for them to live up to you being the perfect parent...

MYOB

Not your children, not your business.

YABVU

I think they are too old for reigns, but if one or both of them are runners I would carry a wrist strap. Are they runners? Or do they walk sensibly?

At that age they should be able to hold hands, even with each other in front of you etc.

Oh for goodness' sake, get over yourself!

Quite. OP this doesn’t affect you (beyond you feeling self conscious) so I would mind your own business with this one.

If you’re not the parent then it’s none of your business.

Right? It's a frankly terrifying number of children.

@ColleenDonaghy I know, I want to lie down and scream silently just thinking about it! If reins makes dealing with it all possible, crack on with the reins SIL.

Not your kids. Not your business.

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Definitely reins. Best way to keep 3 kids that age safe

You've just told someone they can't have an opinion, then gave your opinion 🤣🤣

You do whatever is necessary to keep your children safe. I don’t care what anyone says.

From Y1 so 5 years old, the kids at my DD’s school cross an A road to reach playing fields, go the community centre round the corner 3-4 times a week for assemblies and specialist lessons. Usually there’s 3 teachers for 30 ish kids and they all walk nicely in pairs. I find the thought of putting DC of that age in reins really, really weird. Must be embarrassing too if their friends see. Love reins for a young toddler though!

Absolutely this. Reins are for toddlers (or badly behaved older children)

Better over-protective than under-protective. And given the recent sad case, I wouldn't be taking one young child near unfenced fast flowing water unless I was holding their hand the whole time, let alone three. The 10 metre rule is just about the least precaution I'd impose in those circumstances.

I have a streetwise sensible 6yo who has grown up walking a lot in busy urban environments and even they have moments of dangerous silliness. Like almost scooting in front of a car because "I didn't think you meant THAT road, Mummy, when you said stop at the road" or almost blithely walking into traffic because they were engrossed in chatting with a friend (the other mum and I have never shouted so loudly or run so fast!). We were very lucky in both situations that I was paying attention and the traffic wasn't moving fast (and no motorbikes were coming).

I actually can't imagine how one manages to get out of the house with three kids with that age gap, let alone build up to the point of allowing them reasonable independence while still keeping them safe.

Reins are a safety device and should be used for any child, of any age if they cannot be kept safe from the road.

Having more young children than hands must be challenging. If they were only used near busy roads and rivers that would seem more reasonable but. Might move to a Little Life back pack instead which has a chest strap and handle with leash that can be zipped away and used when needed. I used to use it with DD in places she might get lost and separated like a busy tube station and then just zip the handle away when in a safer space. Perhaps you could buy all three a similar rucksack for Easter or next gift giving opportunity, put some colours and drawing pad in them etc to make them more gifty.

If they live in their own bubble once they start socialising with other families they'll probably stop as they'll have some perspective.

Poor children. They are much too old to be in reins. Having said that I have never used them.