Child reins acceptable in this circumstance?

[Vipoli]

5 yo twins and a 4 yo. Twins are IVF after 5 years of infertility. Are reins acceptable? Parents have a serious case of PFB but with all three.

One parent often walks from house to small town precinct. Too close for car plus poor parking.

So what is your interest in this scenario?

If you're not the parent, you don't get a view.

Definitely older than most using reins and older than most parents would wish to be using reins but if the mum thinks they're necessary, then trust her judgement.

I wouldn't want to be taking three that young out solo by a busy road if one or more are bolters.

OP who are you to the parents?

The children don’t bolt and are well behaved. Happily follow instruction.

So they’re overprotective of their 3 children - so what? IVF or not all our children are very precious to us.

I didn’t use reins on mine because they were very easily controlled by the side of the road etc, walked nicely and didn’t really run off. There were 17 months between my older 2 and I always had a hand each once they were both out of the buggy. If I’d had a third child I’d have been outnumbered.
I know someone with 3 small dc, they are wild (lovely, this is not a criticism!!!) and I’d be terrified of walking with them by a road, they’re quite unpredictable.
4 and 5 feels old for reins but rather that than flat children.

If these aren't your children, then it's quite frankly none of your business, hope you don't shame them when you see them.

What does IVF have to do with reins?

I've used reins with no issues but IMO a 4 year old shouldn't need them.

IVF and the infertility is not relevant. 🙄

4/5 is very old for reins but if the parent can’t keep the children safe without reins then they should use them rather than not.

I’ve never understood the controversy over reins.

Two of my children were bolters. There was no amount of teaching them to hold hands and walk nicely that would work. It did on the others, one dd trotted nicely beside me holding my hand like a little angel. My now 3 year old is hell bent on injuring herself at every opportunity and will not listen. All children are different.

One of them would have been in serious danger if I hadn’t used reins when he was little. He was terrible. He’s 21
now and I can look back and laugh, but as a toddler, wowzers.

I’ve had some shitty comments over the years. What a terrible person I am for not wanting a toddler to bolt into the road, eh?

If you don’t like them, don’t use them. I couldn’t get worked up enough to judge someone else for keeping their child safe.

Don’t be ridiculous - you seriously think that a five year old momentarily forgetting what they’ve been taught/doing something silly is a result of poor parenting?

There is always a risk that they will ignore what they’ve been taught. You can’t protect them forever - I wouldn’t stop a 14 year old going skiing because he might be an idiot, but I would certainly put reins on 4 and 5 year olds if I’m not confident that they will always do as they’re told. One silly moment and the results could be catastrophic when walking along busy roads. What’s the harm? They’re still walking and getting exercise.

Okay so the mother is my SIL. And we get on well.

I don’t see them regularly (distance) but I was extremely self conscious when we walked to Costa the other day.

Absolutely fine. A backpack with a rein or a wrist strap probably a bit more acceptable to an older child. I wouldn't put a rein on a five year old but then I only had one at a time, not three almost the same age..
Better safe than sorry.

Heaven help you for being self conscious OP, what a nightmare that was for you.

I think this is something that is 100 percent up to the parent as they know their kids best. If this is a friend or relative then maybe you could offer to spend some time with them on outings so there is someone to hold hands with each child. Please don't criticise them though. Even if the parent uses reigns because of their own anxiety, criticising them will only make their anxiety and the situation worse.

I used them with my twins, who are early 20’s now.

On one occasion we were at a zoo with family, their cousin put his hand in the reins and SIL said “she’s not a dog to be led “ two minutes later a lemur was on the footpath. Lots of children rushed towards the cute animal and I was able to keep DD further away.

Another occasion, we lived overseas. Took DDs, toddlers by now, to a busy mall to see the Christmas tree. DD1 had a tantrum and while I was dealing with her I felt pressure against the arm I had looped the reins on. Looked round and a woman was trying to lead DD2 away into the crowd.

I know some people don’t like reins for various reasons but I take the view I didn’t need permission to keep my children safe.

If you were my SIL and I knew you’d posted this, that would be the end of the happy meet-ups.

They are well behaved. Well enough that SIL’s sister is happy to take them out with her two sans reins.

Reins not used on trips to the zoo etc

Of course it is your sister in law, we had guessed already.

If you'd posted "I'm visiting my SIL for the first time in a while and I'm worried about her. She has three young children close in age and she appears to be very anxious and over protective about their safety (for example insisting they use reins when out even though they walk nicely). Should I say something to her, ask if she's ok? Is there anything I can do to help?"

Then I think you would have had very different responses. But your OP and first few follow ups seem to come from a place of judgement.

As some previous posters have noted, things can happen - whether it’s a child running off or an adult trying to take them.

Anyone who looks down on parents who use reins on 4-5years olds - read those posts and have a little think.

You see nurseries/schools taking 30 3/4/5yos without reins along public roads with just a handful of adults. .

But ultimately... your SIL does know them best. There may have been a previous incident with them.

Any parent of 3 young DC should do what they're comfortable with to keep them safe whilst walking around a busy place. You only have 2 hands.
MYOB!

I think people don't know how to vote because you didn't make it clear in the OP if you are pro or anti reins.

I think you're being judgemental - they will hardly go to secondary school in reins, she'll give it up eventually.

Offer to hold a LO's hand if you like but don't worry I doubt anyone watching is judging you personally.

If reins are what's going to stop them running into the road then reins it is

I had a runner with my DS so I completely understand your predicament

When DD was a baby I couldn't go to the park unless I took a friend with me.

DS 2 would run to the park gate, stop, look at me then open it and run out. Little sod. I couldn't run after him because I'd be with DD a baby hence needing someone with me

When I did parent helping it was one adult per six DC, so on our trips to the library there were 5 adults. I think that is very different to one parent on their own with young DC.

But at the end of the day, what on earth is the problem? She’s keeping them safe not getting them to eat chocolate all day long.