Ungrateful MIL - absolutely LIVID

[Lipbalmstrawberry]

It’s MIL’s birthday today and we went out for a meal at lunchtime. I gave her her gift which was a blouse from River Island and when she opened it she just was like “Eugh, I don’t think this will suit me. It probably won’t fit me either.” “Have you got the receipt? I’ll go in and change it when go into town on Friday. If not you can keep it I don’t like that.” all with a scowl on her face. I was completely aghast and fuming so I just lied and said I don’t have the receipt and put it back in my bag. Not a word of thanks! I felt even a bit humiliated to be honest.

The rest of the lunch was completely normal and she was talking to me as though nothing happened but inside I was absolutely seething and I still am to be honest. I wished I’d have told her to not be so rude! And she never even said thank you for the cake either!

WIBU to not bother with a cake and present next year? I’m thinking of not bothering after that reaction.

This

Buy her a gift voucher from Marks and Spencer and be the bigger person. In fact do that for this year's present as she hasn't actually had one has she?

A bit of a tangential comment here (already commented on the birthday present) why is it a given that MILs are difficult? I'm a MIL and I promise you I try to behave impeccably towards my DIL but she still treats me as if I'm a horrible person. All I can think of is that at some point early on in the relationship I've said or done something that she has taken offence at. I'd have been delighted to have been taken to lunch and given a personal gift. This almost never happens. In fact most of the time, I'm lucky to get a text on the day.

This is my MIL to a T. She can be refreshingly honest and sometimes it can come across really rude. On the one hand, she doesn't want you to waste your money or it to sit in the back of her wardrobe, the other hand it could have been said differently and come across in a nicer way.
Now, my MIL does a list for her birthday & Christmas which I somehow managed to be in charge of (7 years married to her son) and people pick and choose off this list.

She said she lied and said she didn't have the receipt. 🙄

Very weird comments in this thread about river island not being "appropriate" for anyone over age 30 etc. I didnt realise it was law that when you hit 40 you had to shop in M&S for clothes. What a sad viewpoint. I'm in my 40s and buy stuff I like, regardless of where it's from. Its not as if RI only stocks glitter boob tubes and leather mini skirts FGS

Every year I bought gifts for my partners family, I sent mothers day flowers and the whole lot. Stuff doe his sisters kids the works. Every year they text him thank you and it annoyed me no end. 1 because they knew they'd be from me, I'd have discussions about it with them etc. I never got a thank you text. If they never sent a text at all I'd of proffered that as they knew he never arranged any of it. Its just common manners. The last one was mother's day flowers, they didn't turn up in time. I spent days chasing and he told me she'd text a few days before that they'd come and she thanked him, but she'd not told me

So now I let him sort the gifts. Do you know what they get. Nothing, because as before we met he doesn't think to do any of that. Mothers day flowers? Nope, birthdays? Nope. Xmas is a half arsed effort.

My own dad actually humiliated me over a gift once. He's always been ungrateful but this one year he really showed me up and shouted. So now he gets nothing. I'll take him for a meal etc, but as for a gift Nope.

I really out alot of time and effort in to gifts for people, I'm sure you did over the blouse aswell, she could of taken it, then later on said oh it doesn't fit right or suite me properly, do you mind of I exchange.

Manners cost nothing and she was just rude. If she was my MIL that would be the last gift she received from me. I know how much you must be annoyed, your hubby really should of said something, its not right.

Personally, I wouldn't want a blouse from anyone as a gift but it was a dreadful reaction from her. She should have thanked you gracefully and charity shopped it. The adults in our family no longer exchange gifts as such (sometimes chocs or flowers) as we don't need more stuff. I'd leave it all to her son from now on.

Next year get her a voucher and tell her after the way she reacted this year you were reluctant to choose anything and hopefully she’ll get the hint.

I would never buy clothing for any woman even a sister or best friend. However If I were your mother in-law I would have said "thank you so much for being so thoughtful but do you mind if I change it for a different style?"

Yes, she has. Her present was the blouse. If she chose to chuck it back at the OP, it’s her own fault that she doesn’t get a replacement.

The solution is this.

Go to Oxfam. Buy a toilet for the 3rd world, or a cow for a 3rd world family.

So she's full of Sh#t or an old cow !

Pop the notification from Oxfam in her card.
As you hand it over, in your sweetest most innocent voice say " I was so upset I got you gift so wrong last year...and remembering how generous and gracious you were(!) I thought you'd appreciate me sending a gift charitably on your behalf, I thought of you whilst I picked the gift" " shall we find a table?".

She really can't complain and she WILL know exactly what you meant by the gift.

I really miss the fun and games I had with my ex MIL. She was a dreadful creature.

I bought her many a snarky gift lol

My 'D'M is like this. I was an unemployed teenager and I bought her a bag in her favourite colour from Dorothy Perkins. She told me that 'she wasn't on the level of Dorothy Perkins' and told me to keep it. This was a woman who bought all her clothes from the local market. I haven't bought a gift or card in over 15years.

Are you the MIL?

Rude ungracious mil.

Bizarre responses on here saying it was an odd gift.

People do focus on the utterly irrelevant, don't they?

Do not buy clothes for people, taste and fit are personal. Maybe a scarf or accessories but not a shirt.

Why? If you do not like it, it is better to swap it rather than give it straight to the charity shop.

Clothing is not a good gift. If they do not like it, are they expected to wear it?

Of course it's an odd gift. You have to know someone really, really well or had specific instructions to buy a certain item, before you can safely buy clothing for someone.

It's "bizarre" to keep denying that.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle irrelevant whether it's an odd gift. Again missing the point.

The point is the ungracious rudeness of the mil.

When you receive a gift, any gift, odd or not, you are simply not rude.

Is that so very tricky to understand?

There are 2 points here . Mother in law's rudeness and the weird choice of gift. It's possible to think of two things at the same time. Is that so very tricky to understand?

Is there a point where "it's the thought that counts" loses all meaning? What if the "thought" was without any thought at all? "Oh that'll do".

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle the op is saying her mil is rude. That is the point of the thread.

The gift may be odd. That's not the point. And rudeness is never acceptable whether you think the gift is odd or not.

and the mil said she wanted a blouse according to the op.

You don't know if the op spent ages selecting which blouse isn't of thinking, "That'll do." Unless of course you are a mind reader.

It's as much mind reading as turning "I need a new blouse" into "I want something from River Island"

Each to their own but there's some horrendous looking blouses in River Island - and that's nothing to do with age.

We will have to disagree on whether a recipient is supposed to be eternally grateful for a useless and horrid present.

No. Nobody said anything about having to be "eternally grateful."

Nobody. Where did you get that from?

All the op - and most normal people - is saying is that there is absolutely no need to be rude about a gift. Any gift. Whether it is strange gift or not.

That is the point.

Regardless of whether River island has horrible blouses or not. (Another strange diversion).

She said she lied about not having the receipt. And the cake comes into play because it's one more thing about how rude she is.