Ungrateful MIL - absolutely LIVID

[Lipbalmstrawberry]

It’s MIL’s birthday today and we went out for a meal at lunchtime. I gave her her gift which was a blouse from River Island and when she opened it she just was like “Eugh, I don’t think this will suit me. It probably won’t fit me either.” “Have you got the receipt? I’ll go in and change it when go into town on Friday. If not you can keep it I don’t like that.” all with a scowl on her face. I was completely aghast and fuming so I just lied and said I don’t have the receipt and put it back in my bag. Not a word of thanks! I felt even a bit humiliated to be honest.

The rest of the lunch was completely normal and she was talking to me as though nothing happened but inside I was absolutely seething and I still am to be honest. I wished I’d have told her to not be so rude! And she never even said thank you for the cake either!

WIBU to not bother with a cake and present next year? I’m thinking of not bothering after that reaction.

she was rude, and could have said the same thing with better words.
But a blouse is a weird gift. Leave it all up to her son and just go along with it in future.

What unpleasant comments. It's not shoplifting at all if you bother to read the original post!!

Maybe sort your reading comprehension out before attempting to be snarky?

That was a rude reaction.

I would have just said thank you and put it in a draw, on Vinted or maybe quietly tried to get an exchange.

Having said that unless she is very young River Island is an acquired taste and more of a youngsters place to shop unless she normally shops there. I would feel too old to shop there and I am late 50’s also don’t like all the synthetics and polyester.

I would get her a voucher for somewhere she usually shops at or include a gift receipt with any future presents you or your DH chose for her.

OP take the gift back and exchange it for something for yourself from the store instead....

She does not deserve anything more from you.

Common courtesy would be to be gracious about the gift even if it wasn't her preferred style of clothing. Her reaction was appallingly rude.

From now on tell your husband that he will be responsible for buying his mother presents.

Read the tread. Did she say she didnt have it?

Why do people keep saying an oddly personal gift? She’d mentioned blouses! Her kind DIL picked up on this AND made her a cake.
She sounds awful. Don’t get her anything next year, or do a cake. If it’s mentioned just say you didn’t seem to like it last year and I didn’t want upset you.
YANBU, she was. I leave all presents on the hubby’s side to the hubby. I’d do that from now on if I were you.

Yeah, this.

You meant well, and she was ungracious. She made the situation very awkward, and could just as easily have said can I have the receipt in case it doesn't fit. That was bad manners.

However, it was a bit of an odd thing to choose and in future yes, leave the presents. DH should be doing it.

Maybe you're being a control freak? Maybe your MIL hates your choice in clothing presents? Maybe your MIL is trying to send you a direct message - because she was engaging in a friendly manner for the rest of the meal. STOP trying to dress your MIL. (She DOES NOT like it.) Buy her an experience gift or a gift card in future??????????

I’m going to go against the grain and say that no, you shouldn’t have to be thankful whatever someone gives you. You shouldn’t be rude of course, but some gifts are so thoughtless or awful that it can be quite insulting and hurtful.

Who goes to River Island to buy something for a 68 year old? Someone who shops in RI for themselves and gives no thought to what a 68 year old might actually like. M&S or John Lewis might have been more appropriate.

I’m not saying MIL was right to be so blunt but I think there are two sides to the story here…

YADNBU
It sounds like a lovely present.
She sounds like a very ignorant and ungrateful women, and I wouldn't waste my efforts on her again.

i don’t understand why so many women acquiesce to being the default present choser. It’s his mum he can chose, surely? I don’t chose or buy fir my partner family, dp can do that. Sure I might make a suggestion but no I don’t pick or purchase gifts for dp family. And I don’t send all the cards either

I had something similar with my MIL. I’d gone out of my way at 36 weeks pregnant to buy a last minute selection of a specific type of socks (Joules bamboo socks) she had said she really wanted which was then thrown back as an insufficient gift. I’ve left all present buying to DH since then.

Yeah, she was rude. However, regardless of whether or not you think it’s a Smashing Blouse, clothes are rarely a good idea for gifts unless the receivee has specifically pointed something out.

this, and sizing can be very sensitive. I never buy clothes as presents for that reason. And on the rare occasions when I did, it was with the comment 'I have kept the receipt, so don't be afraid to offend is you don't like it and exchange it for something you like'

Erm, let's see, how about... not wanting to hurt the gift giver's feelings? Showing appreciation for the gesture of gift giving, even if the gift itself isn't liked? There's two reasons, for starters...

Im sorry to say this but her behaviour is so abhorrent that it only means shes losing it.
Losing her equilibrium, losing her grip on commmon decency. I have witnessed perfectely sweet induviduals turn into demonic unreasonable monsters, its Heartbreaking.
Just pity the poor creature.
Also: why return a beautiful item from R. I. KEEP IT!!!!!!! Wear it yourself. Lucky You!!!!!

Thats’s a rude response.

”Thank you but I don’t think it would suit me, would you mind if I exchanged it for something else?” Would have been entirely appropriate.

Not sure why some people think it’s “an oddly personal gift” when it’s for a member of family who some are genuinely close to. But then that’s not the point either is it? It’s the fact that your MIL was down right rude.

Leave your OH to sort her card/gift/cake in the future.

If the behaviour is persistent then call it out. Being old isn’t an excuse for being a d!ck.

How is she being a control freak , and why are you so rude , she literally asked for a blouse . After that reaction I would not be spending large amounts on an experience day that’s also clearly going to be thrown back in her face , I think some manners need to be taught to a few on here tonight

Only one person appears to be losing it here….

Omg some seemingly old fashioned views on this thread🫣, blouses and jumpers etc can be worn by any age its hardly a mini skirt she bought for her

Hideous? Have you seen it, Op's MIL?

depends how youthful you feel and what it’s like for all anyone knows it’s lovely

I stopped buying clothes for a present when I was 16 and I'm 47. Never ever. Chocolates, flowers, gifts cards, yes.
Or they tell me specifically the garment they want or I don't do it.
I always ask, what do you want for your birthday?

This approach have saved me loads of drama.
She was rude, but neither of you can win with clothes.

I don't think the gift was that odd. I've bought MIL a dress, a jumper, a pair of boots and a fancy-pants umbrella in the past.

All things she mentioned she wanted in passing without being specific, so I just took her usual style as my guide and bought something I thought would suit her and be to her taste.

She GENUINELY liked everything, but even if she hadn't, she would have been gracious and said something like, "I'll try it on and let you know" and then kindly told me it wasn't quite right.

No rudeness
No offense given or taken.

Easy

There are some massively bonkers responses on this thread OP. A piece of clothing is a normal and generous gift. Her response was vile.