AIBU to feel a bit put out that husband has gone off on holiday alone for 6 days

[Clotheswoe]

My husband's job is quite stressful. Last week, he realised that he had an easier week this week, because all his bosses were away. So a few days ago, he decided he wanted to go away and get some sun, and he took a week off to go abroad alone.

He said I was welcome to join him, but I said I couldn't because I can't take a week off at such short notice, plus I have just started a new job so it's tricky.

He has limited annual leave. It's not that I think we have to spend 100% of our annual leave together. I know I might go on a long weekend away with a friend soon. I'm happy he's having a good time in the sun and is relaxed.

I just wondered if people would think this is a little odd? Do others do this? Or would you feel a little put out?

YABU = 'it's fine, leave him to his solo holiday'

YANBU = 'this is a little odd'

My husband and I have to do everything separately because one of us always has to stay home with our disabled child.
Usually about once or twice a year we each go away somewhere on our own for a couple of days (usually just in this country).
If I ever want to go see a show I have to go on my own.
If my husband wants to go car racing he has to go on his own.
Never of us have been abroad yet on our own but that's because neither of us wants to leave the other alone with our child for more than a few days.
But if one of us did want to go abroad the other wouldn't stop them.
There is a band I like that have a 5 day concert in Jamaica every year.
Every year my husband tells me I can go alone if I want to.
The only reason I haven't gone is because I don't want to be that far away from my child for so long.

Wish mine would do that.....

I think as you say he has a busy stressful job, you can’t get the time off to go and that shouldn’t really stop him.
My DH goes away on holiday every year for around a week with old friends. They all live in different places now and have a catch up in the sun.
I go on the odd long weekend away with friends too.
I quite enjoy it when he’s away 😀
we have two DC.
we also have plenty of time away as a family.

Weird for me.

My husband and I have to do everything separately because one of us always has to stay home with our disabled child

Same. There is nobody with the capability to watch her for more than an hour, (apart from her special school) and even then we can't be far away.

But to the OP, no I don't find it odd. I have a few friends who have the occasional holiday without their spouse. It's not that out of the ordinary amongst people I know.

DH went to an athletics event abroad on his own, wth shouldn't he?

Hmm it's tricky. It's not a problem if you're both happy with the arrangement and as there are no DC I think it sounds like a good idea.

My DH is going on a work conference to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks. It's only two days but with flights he'll be gone four full days (and then have jet lag) so I'll be on my own with the kids for that time.

I was a bit miffed as neither of us have been to the US before and planned to go together and although I understand it's not a holiday, it's not exactly a massive chore for him so we've agreed that I'll get four days to do something myself as well. I just can't decide whether to go to London and do some historic sightseeing or go aboard and sunbathe; neither of which I could do with the kids and DH in tow. I also get loads more annual leave than he does.

DH went to an athletics event abroad on his own, wth shouldn't he

Not the same.

My DH is going on a work conference to Las Vegas in a couple of weeks

Also, not the same.

I think it should only be an issue if a partner is untrustworthy. Your DH sounds fine, he's invited you along. Nothing sounds iffy.
Like others have said, it's healthy to spend some time apart and having a little independence outside of the activities you share.

That's really fucking weird. It would never enter either of our heads to do that.

Completely normal, DH and myself usually spend AL together but have on occasion taken solo holidays when convenient. No big deal.

My DH did this a few years ago. He went on an activity holiday in Finland. Didn’t interest me so I didn’t go. Had a great week on my own doing whatever I wanted, cooking whatever I wanted. I wish he would do it more often.

Knowing she couldn’t go. Most couples do plan stuff like this together. Do you genuinely know any married person (except completely selfish prats) who would think “ooh, work’s quiet this week, I’ll go away for a week in the sun without my wife/husband”?

OP said she couldn’t go but she also didn’t ask either from the way it reads. I can understand, she wouldn’t be able to take a full week, but she didn’t say she wouldn’t be able to take a few days. I know it depends though on her type of work and employer.

Bet all the single ladies are having a quiet titter at some of the responses on here.

If my DH did this regularly without notice I’d be peeved - but as a one off when he’s been stressed at work and a quiet patch cropped up, I think it’s ok. Assuming you can have other holidays tighter. I’d hope he’d want me to do the same tbh.

My DH did this a few years ago. He went on an activity holiday in Finland. Didn’t interest me so I didn’t go

Also not the same. Why are none of you reading this properly. She’d love to go for a holiday in the sun too but he’s just decided to go with no notice while she’s working.

All the cool ‘wouldn’t bother me’ crew are missing the point. It isn’t normal in the OP’s marriage. For her it feels off. It isn’t a boys meet up, or a sporting fixture, or a work conference, or hobby related. It’s out of character and despite him having a stressful job she seemingly wasn’t aware he was in need of time out. He made a unilateral decision and informed her at very short notice. It’s apparently convenient at a time she cannot accompany him. And he’s got limited leave. It’s got red flags all over it.

You keep repeating yourself but people know that - they still don't see the issue.

I’m so shocked that this is a 50/50 divide. I thought it would be a landslide that she’s NOT being unreasonable. I would laugh in my husbands face if he suggested this! Saying that my ex did this to me and left me at home with a newborn baby. Safe to say that relationship did not last much longer!

I agree! Screams other woman if you ask me!

You keep repeating yourself

Because posters keep telling the OP she’s unreasonable because they were fine about situations WHICH WERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT apart from the fact that they involved solo trips.

Glad it's not just me. The spectacular missing of the point on this thread is something else. Too many posters talking about themselves rather than the situation presented by OP. C'est la vie.

In that case, I guess she had better stalk him and hack his phone. Or turn up unexpectedly at the beach.

Well no, those posters are telling the OP their opinion on her situation.

And then mentioning an example from their own experience which has similarities.