To be losing patience with a friend who has a massive chip on her shoulder about money?

[BarelyLiterate]

S & I have been friends for decades. We have a lot of shared history but her attitude to money is very annoying. She is a key worker in the public sector who chooses to work PT but constantly complains about how underpaid & skint she is. She could work FT if she wanted to but doesn’t see why she should compromise her work life balance to do so.

She is bitter & resentful towards ‘rich’ people who do jobs which she deems to be less important & worthwhile than hers, namely almost anyone who works in the private sector, but particularly in finance & business. She regards profit as immoral, particularly when it is made by big businesses which sell things that she needs to buy, eg food, petrol, electricity. Whenever she sees a flash car she starts ranting about rich twats showing off etc etc. She is tediously self-righteous about her own frugality & environmentalism while being scornful of others who own nice things, have nice holidays etc. The chips on her shoulders get bigger every year.

This is really starting to piss me off. I work in the private sector in a commercial role but I am by no means rich or materialistic. I don’t want to end the friendship, but I’m sick of her attitude. AIBU to tell her to give it a rest?

These kind of wannabe communists are so tedious. Depends how much you value her friendship. I'd be tempted to distance myself from her and her ranty student politics view on life.

Reverse snobbery is definitely on the rise.

But so is keeping up with the Jones's to buying things.

I've worked in the public sector and the private sector and your definitely right the work life balance in public sector is the trade off along with the pension. I would pick public any day of the week compared to being expected to drop everything regardless of how many hours I had worked already.
I would probably point out she is free to get a position in the private sector and live it from the other side!

at a guess its those "big businesses" and banking etc that keep the world turning and make the modern economies possible ?

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I wonder is she jealous because she doesn't think she could ever get a high paying job. So you are thinking it's bizarre she is complaining about a low paid job since it is her choice to stay in that job and hating on people who made different choice, meanwhile she is thinking that it's not a choice because she couldn't get a better job in the first place.

You'd be suprised at how many grown women have low self esteem, I teach a software development class for women and so many of them had a long journey to even believing they could be good at a tech job.

Me too ... also I've seen that underperformance in the private sector is highly managed from the word go - you get a chance to improve with support and if you don't an exit plan looms.

Not what I've observed in public sector quite so much.

She’s not wrong though. It is pretty galling to see people get paid 6 figures to move money from one place to another for someone else who makes 6 figures when our nurses are using food banks.

She could work full time though.

Indeed, but why the huge disparity in pay? Some of the "bonuses" these people receive are obscene.

Well, I could argue that your friend is "privileged" to be able to choose to work part time so she has time off each week!! I work full time as does everyone I know and socialise with- we all have to work full time to pay the bills.

I would love to work part time but cant, therefore, would that give me the right to be pissy with her and constantly scoff at her reminding her constantly that she cannot possible be tired as she doesnt work as much as I do?

My guess is she wouldnt like that very much at all. I cant stand people who moan and whinge constantly as if they are fuelled by negativity, its soul sucking to be around and I won't spend time with people like that as they are just too draining. Of course its fine to make social commentary on world issues and our priorities and economics of the UK, but when complaining becomes your entire identity you become nothing but a tedious bore who noone wants to spend time with.

true but some of that bonus is because of the value of the shares has gone up based on the market (i believe some companies use stocks and shares as part of the eg ceo bonus) at least thats partly my understanding and also some companies need those specific people and know other companies could or would pay similar at least thats my guess

I think if you otherwise feel she's a good friend it's worth trying to speak to her about it. Maybe you could come at it from a negativity point of view rather than it being focused on the content of that negativity (ie financial disparity). So something like - Hey X, we've been great friends for a long time and I really care about you which is why I want to check you're OK. I've noticed you becoming increasingly negative in conversations, for example X thing you said on Y day. It feels sometimes like our conversations are overwhelmingly negative which they weren't before so I can't help but wonder if you're OK?' Gjve her the chance to respond and then maybe talk about how you can help her to feel more positive - can you do specific activities together that will help eg yoga, or having special treat days or evenings etc? Perhaps you can ban all talk of anything negative during those times to get into a positivity mindset.

IME lots of work environments become whinge factories where people echo each other's negative thoughts and focus relentlessly on the bad things. When you do that you feel more negative and say more negative things and so it spirals. Hopefully you can lift her out of this.

It's relative the sums of money they're managing, deals they're doing. Wealth isn't some limited resource - if the parties involved in the transaction/contract are happy with the figures then I don't really get the fuss.

A friend of mine has an ex (note the Ex) like this. He became increasingly rude and out of touch with reality until it was literally impossible to spend time with him without him launching into some kind of didactic rant. It comes from a position of superiority. People who think they are better than others are unbearably tedious. I’d distance myself if I was you.

Precisely.

Our society is predicated on a system which means bankers are in fact essential. And I say that as a proud healthcare professional!

if the parties involved in the transaction/contract are happy with the figures then I don't really get the fuss.

I think that says it all. It seems that a lot of the higher earners are on this thread defending their salaries.

However, I don't disgaree with the OP being fed up with her friend's constant negativity, especially when the friend could change her circumstances.

Disclaimer: I'm not a key worker nor do I work in public service. We are comfortably off and mortgage free.

Most people have to bend over and take it up the bum (metaphorically speaking) when it comes to work and money. She refuses so stiff shit.

I agree with her views but not her approach.

can she self reflect and laugh at herself?

I see lots of it on here, I would lose interest in them so would let the friendship fizzle out

But without bankers who would create the market so that businesses can raise / borrow money to invest, create jobs and, ultimately pay taxes to fund the carers…?

Parts of society need to generate wealth / profit so that it can be taxed to raise money to fund government borrowing and the state sector. Each needs the other, it’s just that people like the OPs friend are under the misapprehension that their job could exist in isolation, funded by a magic money tree ;)

Nobody is arguing against the existence of bankers, just wondering how they can justify their salaries.

But without bankers who would create the market so that businesses can raise / borrow money to invest, create jobs and, ultimately pay taxes to fund the carers…?

I appreciate that everyone has their own skill set, but surely bankers are there to make a profit for whichever company they work for ? And why are we in a recession if they are all so good at the jobs they do ?

@BarelyLiterate I work in the NHS, not on a fabulous wage, pension is worth diddly squat, but I recognize the type of person you are talking about and yes it gets very tedious listening to them after a while.

I did the same with a friend who got very bitter when I told him was retiring at 55. Didn't like it when I pointed out that I'd spent 15 years working 70+ hours a week, that he'd had been to university a benefit that only one person in my school year had at age 18, that his family had subsidised his kids education. Really, I kid you not, he was very virtuous about working as a social worker and really was anti tory, anti the wealth, anti bankers, whilst happy to send his kids to a private school. I let all that go as we'd been friends for life, our parents were friends but his parents were able to him send him to private in and he got pushed toward uni.
But it was the snide comments when I told him my plans. About how I was "lucky" to be able to do it....the fact that I was doing so because of medical issues and I wasn't going to have quite the retirement I'd planned on was lost on him.
I feel a bit sad that someone who was in my life for a very long time is gone but saying I was "lucky" to inherit so early and pay off my mortgage...yes really lucky that both my parents died before I was 25.
You're better off without her op

YANBU. Tell her to retrain for something else or to work FT if she wants more money. Tell her you don't want to heat anymore, and that you'd also love to work PT but don't want to be skint. I'd be sick of this too.

This is good. Let's change the subject, can't get anymore blunt than that but equally it's not rude or confrontational

Also carers as a general rule, are employed by private businesses in the UK. Those working as domiciliary workers visiting people in their own homes and those working in residential and nursing home settings.