To be losing patience with a friend who has a massive chip on her shoulder about money?

[BarelyLiterate]

S & I have been friends for decades. We have a lot of shared history but her attitude to money is very annoying. She is a key worker in the public sector who chooses to work PT but constantly complains about how underpaid & skint she is. She could work FT if she wanted to but doesn’t see why she should compromise her work life balance to do so.

She is bitter & resentful towards ‘rich’ people who do jobs which she deems to be less important & worthwhile than hers, namely almost anyone who works in the private sector, but particularly in finance & business. She regards profit as immoral, particularly when it is made by big businesses which sell things that she needs to buy, eg food, petrol, electricity. Whenever she sees a flash car she starts ranting about rich twats showing off etc etc. She is tediously self-righteous about her own frugality & environmentalism while being scornful of others who own nice things, have nice holidays etc. The chips on her shoulders get bigger every year.

This is really starting to piss me off. I work in the private sector in a commercial role but I am by no means rich or materialistic. I don’t want to end the friendship, but I’m sick of her attitude. AIBU to tell her to give it a rest?

Yes, like @mamacorn1 says. Don't go there. SIL has form for random rants about this sort of stuff but my view is that after I've listened x number of times, if she feels THAT strongly, what is SHE going to do about it? In her case, it's about politics. But she doesn't even bloody vote, never mind take part in any grassroots systems or processes.

I'd say to your friend, "this is the world we live in. I can't change it and I choose not to let the fact that others have more than me impact me. There's no point ranting".

Or, if it feels like a dig at you, call her on that, "Friend, are you saying you think I shouldn't have a nice car? What should I do with the money instead?"

If one of these corporate companies offered her a highly paid job, she’d bite their hand off!

Can’t you just say ‘this is boring now, give it a test’?

Society requires us all sweetie...

Care workers are definitely more useful at the point of care, but they aren't much use without taxation revenue funding every single element of all public services including all the salaries of those within it.
There is no 'government money'.

I think it were me I'd be saying
"Friend, I know you don't respect my work and disagree with the choices I've made. I know you think what you do is more valuable to society, and I agree. I also agree you should be better paid. But we are where we are. I've made my choices and you have always known what they were. So I think you need to either accept it, or think about whether you want to stay friends. What I don't want is to keep hearing criticism of my choices and lifestyle, as it doesnt make for a good time when we get together. So can we avoid the subject in future?"

I voted YABU because... yabu to be friends with her. She sounds awful from your description, why would you want to be friends with her?
Re your post about 3am phone calls .... I'd go help anyone at that time of the morning if they needed me.

Me too.

I agree with her opinion but perhaps you just aren't suited any more.

Of course you should say something.
Say..
Live and let live. If you wanted to work full time you could afford that as well. People make their own choices. We live in a democracy with freedom to not all think and do the same as you. Give it a rest, S.

I'd be careful patronising people with misinformation if I were you. Government absolutely does create money, by investing in services, which creates job, which brings money back in taxes. It's a political choice to pay some people a pittance. Society may require bankers, but not to the extent of paying them in the multiples of what most of us get.

This would drive me crazy too.

The issue for me with people like this is that while they are not totally wrong about societies values, in truth I think they are really suffering from a heavy dose of class resentment. They are pissed they don't have what these other people have.

Many of the really high paying jobs, even in well paid sectors, are very intense with long hours, which your friend clearly doesn't want.

What a pp said is true, and this is where people like your friend go wrong - tax revenue comes from productivity, mainly in the private sector. This is why there has been such a hollowing out of the economy. Banking has been used to fill the gap somewhat in the UK, which is not ideal, but this idea that somehow an economy could manage on public services only is unrealistic.

I might also be inclined to point out that a well made designer top is potentially more environmentally responsible than low cost fast fashion.

We get this from SIL2. 35 years ago she even told me not to marry DH because he was a capitalist bastard.

All she ever does is moan about how skint she is. She and her dp are "artists". They have never sold anything for more than twenty quid. She works two days in a shop to make ends meet. When we were young and I was working in banking "ugh so boring, ugh so capitalist, ugh so unethical". And so the skint moans continue and last longer than a Duracell battery.

Funny how she's never felt it unethical to tap up her capitalist brother for house repairs, Christmas for the kids, flights home to the UK, etc.

I try to avoid when she's here nowadays, lest my tongue splits from biting it to stop the words "as we've spent decades now, hearing about how intellectual and socially aware you are, have you ever thought of getting a full-time, proper job rather than scrounging from the state and your brother.

Move on @BarelyLiterate - the friendship is done and she resents what you have and isn't so ethical and socially aware that she spares your feelings.

I had a friend like that. She then started to extend the chipiness towards those who were married/had a partner. I got lumped in with these people and she then started having a go at me whenever the opportunity arose so I binned her off. Some people are just like that.

I had an annoying friend whose kid used to eat absolute junk all the time, chicken nuggets, chips, crisps, nothing else. I would give my kid healthy stuff. I wouldn't ever criticise what her kid was eating, however she would happily criticise the healthy stuff my son ate.

Most people would agree that key workers should be better paid, but ranting about money all the time is plain boring.

As PP’s have said, try to firmly change the subject when she starts this and even be blunt if you need to be-something along the lines of “I agree that key workers should be better paid, but I don’t want to talk about it every time we see each other.” If she can’t accept your boundaries, your friendship will have to be over.

I know some people with family wealth and trust funds, but I don’t go on about how lucky they are all the time.

A lot of public sector workers DO have a chip on their shoulder about private sector. Assumptions about working conditions, salaries, benefits, hours, etc. are often wildly inaccurate.

Public sector jobs have good benefits, better pensions, better hours and lots of jobs that can be done part-time or without ridiculous hours.

I've worked in both so feel qualified to make this sweeping generalisation!

How’s she supporting herself on a pt job with low wages? Is she living with someone who earns more or on UC?

She has a point, but we can't all be employed by the government. Someone needs to make the profits and pay tax, and employ private workers, who will also pay tax, to cover the costs of the government workers! It's a balancing act.

I work in the quasi public sector. Director level role. 55/60 hpw and huge responsibility and stress. Whilst I earn six figures, so I did for an American Investment Bank 35 years ago. What I do now is no less stressful. There's money to be earnt in the public sector but hard graft comes alongside it.

However, back then I didn't have job security, 6 months full/6 month half pay for sickness and the knowledge I'd have a job after breast cancer or a breakdown, etc., I got 15 days' of annual leave plus BH's, and a not very generous pension contribution. I think it was 5%.

She's right though.

I’d be so bored with having her as a friend

@Beautiful3 Yes, but she doesn’t need to go on about it all the time!

I’m from a family of teachers and they don’t talk about stress and salaries all the time.

I drew away from a friend who was like this. There were many straws and finally a final one. She was also a raging hypocrite in that she used to rant about how revolting landlords were when she was a landlord herself. And would rant about private schools while using one herself. Of course, it was different for her because... well reasons.

After the final straw (which was highly personal to me) i faded her out gently. I'm not proud but her behaviour over something was quite despicable, IMO.

And yes I have also worked in both, I made the move from public to private because I assumed the conditions and pay were better. Wrong. very very very wrong. I'm now trying to go back.

I find listening to her complaining and making comments about people jobs or what other people spend their money on hard work. I know she works on the NHS front line and her job is maybe challenging at times but she choses to stay their. She also only works PT and does not do this due to health or childcare needs. Her partner/husband must have a good job for her to be able to do this.

The next time your friend starts on this I say well you could work full time if you wanted more money. Perhaps you could say aren't you lucky that her husband/partner name is earning enough to let you work PT because most people are working full time and some people even have 2 jobs.

I keep saying something similar to this when she make a comment about a person job or spending. The truth is that her life is probably far easier than a lot of people out there at the moment.

It isn't, actually.

I agree that people who work in care are useful. Wouldn't be without them. But they probably wouldn't want to be without their pensions, would they? Or without their Trust's ability to borrow money if needed?

While she arguably has a point, the way she makes it is very tedious. Also, if she doesn't work full time she really can't complain about having little money. I find people like her absolutely exhausting, if I'm honest.