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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To politely decline this week away

141 replies

Lovelycupofcoffee · 18/02/2024 19:36

So five of us have decided to go a cheap week away in April. I only know one of the people going and she’s lovely. I met 2 more this weekend. They are so not my type of people and it sounds awful but I really don’t want to spend a week with them . Am I being really horrible to decline the week away ? The conversation was really strained and it just felt like we have nothing in common.

OP posts:

NamelessGhoul · 18/02/2024 19:48

Why would you?
Don't waste precious free time in company you don't enjoy. Make your excuses and drop out.

Overfullbookcase · 18/02/2024 19:53

As long as you don't leave anyone out of pocket , and are prepared for some questioning as to 'why?' , then yes, decline.

NewName24 · 18/02/2024 19:57

Why did you agree to go away with 3 people you haven't met in the first place, let alone for a week

The answer to your question depends on whether this is something that is all booked, or was a general "we should go away".

YANBU to not go if not committed
AWBU to not go if that leaves everyone out of pocket.
Of course, if it is booked, then YWNBU to not go as long as you still paid your share.

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 18/02/2024 19:57

I will let her know tomorrow. No one will be left out of pocket .

OP posts:

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 18/02/2024 20:07

@NewName24 so I’ve been having a bit of a rough time lately so when asked it sounded like a good idea. I get on with most people and being honest would be happy sat on a beach reading my book but there was just something about them that made me feel uncomfortable. No conversation and just really awkward. No one will be out of pocket

OP posts:

saltinesandcoffeecups · 18/02/2024 20:10

You’re fine to back out. No sense in going if you feel like you wouldn’t have a good time.

Sorry about the rough patch… maybe plan a solo holiday instead?

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 04/03/2024 20:03

So the situation has now gone downhill . The lady who organised the holiday is also the cleaner at our company. Since cancelling the week away she has ignored me so this morning I asked her politely if she’s annoyed with me . She said she feels I was judging her friends (I wasn’t ) and she no longer has any interest in anything I have to say . Is this a bit over the top ? It really doesn’t bother me if we never speak again but I just felt her reaction was a bit odd ?

OP posts:

redfacebigdisgrace · 04/03/2024 20:05

You probably were a bit though weren’t you? I would just carry in as normal. Let her huff away. She’ll come around and if she doesn’t then she’s no loss. Can’t be doing with huffers!

Dearover · 04/03/2024 20:07

Why did you say you were cancelling?

BeardieWeirdie · 04/03/2024 20:09

But you were judging them.
You were happy to go away with her but changed your mind when you met her friends (as you’re perfectly entitled to do).

MermaidEyes · 04/03/2024 20:11

It really doesn’t bother me if we never speak again but I just felt her reaction was a bit odd

I find it a little odd that it doesn't bother you to never speak again to someone you were about to go on holiday with. I presume from that you're not close at all, in which case I wouldn't have even considered going in the first place. The only thing you can do is tell her you just changed your mind and didn't fancy it so much when you thought about it, but prepare for things to be awkward for a while.

Autienotnautie · 04/03/2024 20:48

What reason did you give for cancelling?

It's a weird thing to take offence at of your not going doesn't disrupt the plans.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 04/03/2024 20:54

@Autienotnautie i was very honest and said I just said I felt that they weren’t my type of people and I didn’t want to ruin her holiday . No one lost any money .

OP posts:

Hecatoncheires · 04/03/2024 20:57

Heck, OP, that’s pretty rude! Little wonder she’s taken offence.

Dearover · 04/03/2024 20:58

Therein lies your problem. Couldn't you have used a little fib?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 04/03/2024 21:03

Hecatoncheires · 04/03/2024 20:57

Heck, OP, that’s pretty rude! Little wonder she’s taken offence.

Agreed. Sometimes a little white lie is kinder for everyone concerned. You can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep so indirectly you insulted her and her friends.

Alwaystired23 · 04/03/2024 21:06

I suppose you'll just have to put it down to experience then OP. I would have probably made up a white lie. I would have probably said something more like I'd re-looked at my finances and could no longer afford it or something to avoid offending her.

Mmmm19 · 04/03/2024 21:08

Lovelycupofcoffee · 04/03/2024 20:54

@Autienotnautie i was very honest and said I just said I felt that they weren’t my type of people and I didn’t want to ruin her holiday . No one lost any money .

Why were you so honest?! I’d have made up an excuse to avoid hurt feelings and coming across rude. You were judging her friends so it’s not that unreasonable that she said it. I don’t think you were unreasonable to back out though as long as it doesn’t increase their costs / mean they have to change their plans which you implied it didn’t .

IncompleteSenten · 04/03/2024 21:10

Wow. I can't believe you told her that.
Surely you know the socially acceptable thing to do in situations like this is lie your tits off.

ChristianHornersGlisteningFinger · 04/03/2024 21:11

Oh my goodness, did you say that in a text/email, or in person?

SuncreamAndIceCream · 04/03/2024 21:14

Honesty isn't always the best policy OP

I would have been hurt, I don't blame your colleague for her reaction tbh

You should have just said you couldn't afford it any more

Original poster

Lovelycupofcoffee · 04/03/2024 21:19

I can’t lie to save my life and always prefer to be honest .I did tell her in person as I felt a mail / message was not the best way forward. Her reaction this morning now makes me think I could gave handled the situation a lot better.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 04/03/2024 21:23

Yes you could have.

LeroyJenkinssss · 04/03/2024 21:24

Lovelycupofcoffee · 04/03/2024 21:19

Ya think?! I mean there’s no way you weren’t judging her friends and that’s a pretty brutal way of telling her you weren’t going.

as an aside, I hate when people excuse their rudeness by saying that they prefer saying the truth. Nope you don’t get to bypass social niceties. Her reaction is perfectly in keeping with your explanation.

Autienotnautie · 04/03/2024 21:24

Yeah that is rude. I can see why she's put out now.

I'd have gone with can't afford it/not in a place to commit.

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