To think it’s pushy to demand all my holiday information?

[BelleBoyd]

I’m in my mid fifties and my elderly mother has been demanding all my holiday information daily. Just gone away for a long weekend to France and have told her when I’m back and where I’m staying. Sent photos and messages. Only away 3 days. But she has been messaging daily asking for hotel address and flight numbers. Just think it’s a bit much. Have sent her it all now but I feel uneasy about it..

Sounds like she is highly anxious that something will happen when you're out of sight, has she been generally more demanding of your time and attention?

It sounds like this is new behaviour (unless you've not been abroad before) - hopefully she'll calm down now she has the info, but wouldn't hurt to have a bit of a plan around expectations when you're back.

back story will be huge

Is it really an issue to give her a hotel name and flight numbers?

It’s pretty annoying to have to look it all up and copy it over when you’ve got a few days in a great city to enjoy. And since it’s of no use to to her DM it would be far better for her DM to not ask for it than for OP to have to send it.

That's the kind of thing my dad does. I see it as sweet, something he can talk about (as his topics of conversation are limited nowadays) and, as his memory is not quite as sharp as it was, he'll make notes of it so he can remember to follow up with me. Only you know if your mother has a hidden agenda with her ruthless questioning and if she will use this information for nefarious purposes.

It's very common for people to become a lot more anxious as they age.

Unless there's a massive back story about how controlling your mother is, I don't see an issue with sending her the information - it will only take a few minutes to forward some emails or copy/paste the relevant information for her.

I always give a family member this info, it's just common sense. What do you think your mum is going to do?

Well, what IS she going to do with it?

You’re the same age as me and my DP have definitely become more needy and anxious over the last year or so. Most of it comes from fear of what might happen, so if by giving her these details help her to relax, the knock on effect will be she hassles you less, what’s the problem?

I think things will get more difficult for you, you’re going to have to find techniques to give her the info she wants but telling her why she doesn’t need other things. Ask her why she wants things so you can help with her anxiety, where the elderly have so much time on their hands they can blow little worries out of all proportion.

This is info I’d normally share with my mother just so she knew where I was in case of emergency (less important with phones/internet these days but still habit).

Sounds like anxiety to me, around something happening to you. I presume there’s a big back story here?

Is this new behaviour? That could be a worrying sign?

Back in the 70s/80s/90s (basically pre mobile phones and internet) this was standard pre-trip stuff in our family for anyone going away, partly nice to know, mainly in case of emergencies.

Now I share flights numbers and DM ask for hotels details. I find asking for the hotel info a bit intrusive because I know she just wants to be nosey. If she would just look at pics and leave it at that. It would be fine, but her nature is to comment and pass judgement so I don't like it,

But I don't get daily texts. Have you said "Mum, I've given you the info, why do you keep texting, I'm on holiday!".

Shes anxious

If she's never been anxious before it is a potential vascular dementia signal

Or maybe she's just lonely and wants to live vicariously

Yeah of course big controlling back story. Absolutely always demanded all information for as long as I can remember.
Sure isn’t a lot of hassle to give it and no she won’t do anything at all with the information.
She won’t be the slightest bit interested in the actual holiday.
But as someone said she texts me daily and I answer and send pictures so hardly out of contact.
I just wanted to gauge if others thought this normal adult child/mother behaviour.

Yes she’s always been anxious.

You don’t have to give people with anxiety what they want to stop the anxiety, if you don’t want to.

This only feeds the cycle, tbh. It doesn’t stop.

I’ve always told my DM my flight numbers and hotel, just in case.

My mum is like this. It's really annoying.

I think it's normal to provide this information especially if asked and I would do so if it helped.

For me I know my mum would not comment negatively about a hotel or even be interested and she wouldn't do it for any other nefarious reason that I can't even think of. She would only do it in case of emergency eg I went missing and to eg follow my flight on the tracker to make sure we didn't suddenly crash to the ground etc.

Obviously if there's a reason you're uncomfortable then don't provide it but if she's only asking out of worry then a couple of minutes of forwarding emails seems worth it to help her feel better and to get her to stop messaging.

Totally normal if she's always been anxious and always been this way

A family member of mine used to travel frequently for work/leisure and would often send me such details in case of emergencies. It didnt occur to me to start googling anything.

No, I don’t think texting daily and demanding information is normal mother/grown up child behaviour. She should be able to recognise that if you’ve not given information, you’re not going to, and she’s not entitled to it.

Anxiety can be - purposefully or accidentally - very controlling.

We always send my parents our holiday schedule.
. It helps them enjoy our holiday alongside
. If there were major flight issues they could check whether our flight was impacted
. Does no harm.

your mother lives alone
your mother is in her mid eighties
Your mother recently suffered a heart attack

I never do... Never seen the need....

Apart from maybe have a nose on flight tracker or a browse of the hotel etc... what do they need it for?

What would they do with the disrupted flight information that you couldn't tell them?