To think it’s pushy to demand all my holiday information?

[BelleBoyd]

I’m in my mid fifties and my elderly mother has been demanding all my holiday information daily. Just gone away for a long weekend to France and have told her when I’m back and where I’m staying. Sent photos and messages. Only away 3 days. But she has been messaging daily asking for hotel address and flight numbers. Just think it’s a bit much. Have sent her it all now but I feel uneasy about it..

I assume the poster is not literally just jetting off without a word, but more just telling her DH that she is going to Copenhagen on Tuesday morning and will be back on Friday around 7. If she goes missing, knowing precisely what hotel she was staying in won't particuarly help the search.

My mother used to do this. It was one of the ways in which she reminded me of my responsibility for her. My view was that if I was on holiday, someone else could deal with anything that happened. It’s not as if she would have been on the first flight out to rescue me if I needed it! I told her that holidays are for getting away any having a break so I wasn’t saying.

It doesn't really harm you and maybe just helps her feel if there is an emergency she will know. I'd give it to her and be pleased she cares.

In the context of your mother having form for being controlling what stood out to me is why you replied? Given you didn’t want to? Why can’t you simply switch off your phone? It’s 3 days not 3 weeks.

I'd be severely tempted to give her the wrong information to see if she ever notices.

Of course knowing the hotel would help in a missing person enquiry! It would be the first place investigated - did she actually check in, did she sleep there, did she check out, is there any CCTV, was anyone with her, was anything left in the room, any signs of crime, has passport gone etc etc.

I have never given anyone those details, nor have I been given them. I don’t think it’s something ‘everyone’ used to do pre mobiles.

Totally agree with this.

its controlling behaviour- don’t do it if you don’t want to.

just say no - there’s no reason for you to need it.

oh come on you can’t be serious

we’re taking about a woman in her mid 80, who recently suffered a heart attack and who lives alone

I always give my Dad info about where we're going etc and ring him when we're away. He's 87, he still calls me Bab, I'm 61 🙈. Like my Dad she won't be here forever, you may even miss it when she's gone.

FGS -

The OP gave the information to her mother. Yes she shared it with her initially.
Then mother kept going on and on at her looking for more and more info every day she was away also.

What part of this do people not understand. And surely you can see how irritating it would be.

OP did not hold any information back, was not secretive etc. But this was not enough for her mother.

well she went away on a long weekend and shared flight number and hotel name…. today, Sunday.

It was two bits of info. to a very elderly sick woman who lives alone.

The OP has probably had enough of the controlling behaviour, it’s not a new thing related to age.

How do you know she only told her mother today? Maybe I missed that in OPs posts.

Anyway, it's enough information for an adult to impart.

Hi mother,

I'm going away for 3 days
Be back Monday.
My hotel name is Y In Nice, Paris whatever.

Don't forget the OP has messaged mother and send photos also. Not as if she is ignoring her altogether.

Who needs anything more than that unless they are harrassing or trying to infantilise their adult child?

I don’t understand why giving your mum these details would make you feel uneasy it’s not like it’s a stranger or a colleague asking it’s your mum. She might want it so she can have a look at where your going to create conversation with you about it once your back and she may want your flight number to be able to check you got there safely which is not unreasonable in my eyes for a mother to check.