To think it’s pushy to demand all my holiday information?

[BelleBoyd]

I’m in my mid fifties and my elderly mother has been demanding all my holiday information daily. Just gone away for a long weekend to France and have told her when I’m back and where I’m staying. Sent photos and messages. Only away 3 days. But she has been messaging daily asking for hotel address and flight numbers. Just think it’s a bit much. Have sent her it all now but I feel uneasy about it..

Single female traveling alone very sensible to give someone the details. Not necessarily your mother though. It depends on the relationship if my friend asks me travel plans and logistics it is genuine curiosity possible travel recommendations shared. My elderly (controlling) parents do this it is for the purpose of tracking and being overly involved in something which is not to do with them. In the first relationship I share freely and excitedly. In the second I don't play the game anymore! Information diet. If it feels intrusive and unnessary (ass pp have said unless for safety) it probably is!

Quite normal, especially as parents get older. Same in my family, my parents are in their 80s but still travel regularly and we'd always share flight and hotel details before a trip. Try to reframe it as coming from a place of love and concern.

My late mother was like this, well requesting, not demanding, but purely because she worried about us ( also in our 50s). I gave them to her. No skin off my nose, made absolutely no difference to me and pacified her.

Why the drama?

I think pre mobile phones and wider Internet use it was common to tell someone your flight details and where you were staying so from that point of view I can see why an older person might ask. However, your dm seems to be trying to insert herself into your holiday and I sense that you feel a bit controlled by her. You don't need to respond to every text message op. You also don't have to share all of your information with her. Just say 'there's no need for all that these days Mum' or if she gets cranky from not hearing from you remind her that no news is good news. I always have to remind my dm that if the worst case scenario that she could think of occurred she would be one of the first people to find out.

My Mil does this, I haven’t realised you can do this until she told me 🤣. She lives alone and just bored.

My late mother would ask for all of this and would always furnish the same if she was away.

It's ridiculous. Next time you go away, just don't tell her about it.... problem solved.

I don’t text anyone daily when I’m on holiday. Because I’m on holiday. Next time say you’re leaving the phone behind. (Want a proper break or can’t use it in the country you’re going to.) And your friend booked the hotel so you don’t know the name.

As a teenager my family flew the same day as the Lockerbie disaster (we were on the next plane out after the poor passengers on that plane and had been in the departure lounge with them). My GPs all thought we were dead as we hadn't left any details of the flights with them, other than a vague we are going to the USA. We didn't know about the disaster until hours later after we were finally at our hotel and turned on the tv. Ever since then I have always left my flight details with someone. I realise this is an extreme example but after seeing the distress it caused for GPs not knowing even for only a few hours I now just forward on the confirmation details to my mum and MIL. It's hardly a lot of work. My MIL checking the weather forecast where we are and texting us about it on the other hand......so I do understand the annoyance

You think that's bad. My mother tries to find out where I'm working and what hours (it varies due to the nature of my work). Do you know why? So she can listen to the traffic reports in case there's an accident. Batshit right?
Same with holidays, the first thing my parents do is check trip advisor and find bad reviews.
It's not always harmless imparting such information. Some parents are control freaks.
I'm stealing the term information diet! That's sadly exactly where we are, they now know next to nothing about my life as they can't seem to help themselves giving out unsolicited advice and pointing out all negative possibilities. It's like having a controlling husband.

I think it is just a hangover from the days before mobile phones. You always gave these details to your loved ones. I remember when it was so expensive to phone home from abroad that you phoned once when you got there and once on the day before you left.

We still take those details from our adult DSs and their partners and it is only after reading this thread I asked myself why, and there is no reason why really now mobile phones are a thing. We have usually been involved in their holiday selection process anyway, so it is not nosiness. We will message each other, or I will see their Insta stories most days, so we know they are safe and well. It just habit, plain and simple.

I like sending them the details when they ask, it is a micro sign of their love for us.

I tell my siblings (no parents still alive) but they don’t reciprocate. I’d not realised until now!

I don’t think it’s a big deal tbh, just tell your mum as soon as you book it and leave it at that

We always go no contact for everyone when on holidays.

Leave an envelope with your mother (or another person) with flight information, address, passport copies, etc for her to open should there be an emergency such as you lose your passport or someone dies.

It is not acceptable to bother people on holidays.

Slightly pushy to bombard you with messages while you are away, but I don’t think it’s an issue to give parents your details

I always do but it’s because my mum enjoys looking at the photos online of the hotel and my dad is one of those people who can lose hours tracking planes in Flight Radar, even more so if someone he knows is on one of the flights

My mum has got a bit like this now she’s getting older (into her 80s). I suspect she’s anxious that she won’t be able to get into contact with me in an emergency. It’s a bit annoying but I figure I’d rather give her the info than have her working herself into a state and perhaps damaging her health as a consequence.

Ah that's interesting @TinyGingerCat , some of my family members were on the flight before.

To this day that is probably why I get a little hand written slip with their travel details on. It's just good sense. Knowledge is power and all that, t really shook them up.

I think OP, if the poster is right about your mum being in her eighties and having just had a heart attack and therefore being very vulnerable, the best idea would have been to furnish her with all of the info before travelling.

I always tell my mum the name of the hotel and flight info - as she does to me. However absolutely no backstory of controlling behaviour etc.

We're a family that check out flight radar so give each other flight numbers. Never gave an exact address though just mention the country and rough destination.

With my elderly mother I'd say the point would be to make sure she had a list of people at hand to contact if she became unwell. There would also be someone else to check on her.

When I go away there is another family member who becomes the person who will deal with any emergencies.

Alternatively - if my brothers were both away - I might ask any friends in the neigbourhood if they minded keeping an eye on my mother.

I think we do need to switch off when we go away. Rather than having our aged parents messaging us saying things like, 'The boiler is making a funny noise.'

Ott imo. Ds20 has flown to Amsterdam.. Told him to stay safe and have a great time.. No interrogation..

It would be normal for my mother to want the information, not normal in DH's family at all. It wouldn't occur to me to not give DM the info. It's not a hill I would die on. My DC are all adults and I wouldn't dream of needing the info. I'm far more interested in the photos and stories about the trip.

I think some people are missing the point here. The OP has given her mother her travel details. Mother is contacting OP every single day (and it's only 3 days) looking for this and that about her trip.

Seriously, that constant intrusion would drive anyone crazy, it is very intrusive and annoying really. Be honest - would you like your mother or whoever to be messaging you daily while on your hols, and perhaps with follow on questions looking for more and more information? I would scream TBH. Supplying the basics is enough, together with a photo or two or a message to home.

OP might as well be at home if this constant barrage of texts is spoiling her holiday. I would be mad as hell.

Same here. Win win.

If you just copy the flight nr and text it to her, she can click on it and all details will show up. She can follow the plane, see if it’s delayed and when it has landed etc.