To think it’s pushy to demand all my holiday information?

[BelleBoyd]

I’m in my mid fifties and my elderly mother has been demanding all my holiday information daily. Just gone away for a long weekend to France and have told her when I’m back and where I’m staying. Sent photos and messages. Only away 3 days. But she has been messaging daily asking for hotel address and flight numbers. Just think it’s a bit much. Have sent her it all now but I feel uneasy about it..

But she would be doing that without the travel info: people who text too often do it whether they know where you are or not.

I get that the messaging is really annoying but not why providing details is.

Mil is like this, always has been. Tracked us down to hotels in Italy and Spain before mobile phones worked well abroad. We now give her fight details and address. Text to say we have arrived and ignore all other calls. They have now stopped. In your DM defence DS went away with uni recently and I did sk for flight details and hotel, BUT waited till he started WhatsAppong me photos before I messaged him. Maybe try the MIL option above?

My parents used to do this when I was in uni. Text when you get home and free out if text was more than 15 minutes late.

I know it was well intended but it drive me crazy. They were 3 hours away if anything happened me, they were too far away to help anyway.

I know every single one of their children, me included, lied about bring home on several occasions so they wouldn't worry.

We used to just tell my in-laws the country we were going to. That was the extent of the inflection they got as MIL would phone up the owner etc. Now I don’t even tell them! Tell a friend where we’re going and when so someone knows and that’s it

It seems odd to me. I didn't do that for my mum and I dont't expect it of my adult D.C. in fact I've just come back from a solo trip away and my husband didn't have any of that information. He didn't ask for it and it didn't occur to me to provide it.

We always share basic details pre holidays, just in case of emergency. Never ask either way. Just automatically do it just in case.

Would like to be having to find info mid holiday though. Perhaps just do it beforehand in future and then cut down the updates whilst actually away.

Does she have t know that you are away?

My Mum is in her mid-70s and I remember she used to want all this information when I started going abroad and she still occassionally asks about things like flight times. I think in the days pre-internet and mobile phone it used to be very common to share this type of information with nearest and dearest in case they needed to get in touch in an emergency. Now of course we'd just send a WhatsApp. Sounds like your mum is quite anxious/doesn't trust mobile technology? If it gives her peace of mind I'd just share the info - it's not like she's going to turn up and join you is she?

Stop feeding her info! She doesn’t need it and won’t do anything with it. Her anxiety is not your problem.

Ask her 'why do you need to know that?' with a laughing emoji and thereafter ignore.

Mine asks for it too. She is quite old and worries easily so I give it to her. I don't mind. I guess she feels she could help in her own way. E.g., we are in Turkey and there is an earthquake. She can then share the information with the consulate.

or if she hears a plane going from London to New York has been hijacked or has crashed. Then she can check whether it is ours or not.

None of that stops her mother being a pain in the neck.

I would give my mother all the details and perhaps it will make her feel less anxious and she can refere to the details if she has memory problems or her friends ask...my mum has no memory now as has dementia so would love to discuss a holiday with her xx

I wonder if OP's DM supplies OP with this level of information when she goes away? If she doesn't, it rather washes out the "it's only sensible" type comments.

Well, Aron Ralston certainly wishes he'd told someone where he was going! Got stuck under a rock, in a crevice for 5 days. Didn't tell anyone where he was going, so they had no idea where to look. He had to gnaw his own hand off to escape.

It's sensible to tell someone your travel plans. It's pointless saying we all have mobiles - if you're involved in a crash or some kind of disaster, or terrorist attack, chances are you won't be contactable on your mobile. I remember the terrorist attacks in Tunisia. I bet loads of those people in nearby resorts (ie. not affected at all), had left their mobiles in the safe. Family members back home (if they didn't now what hotel their relative was in) probably had to wait 6 hours or so, to find out whether their loved one was dead or alive. Easily avoided !!

My son went to USA recently, and wouldn't share his itinerary with me, as in his words "he's an adult". I thought that was really stupid, given that he was travelling alone, and if something happened to him, I would have ZERO information to give to the Police. America is a big place, bloody hell, it would be good to narrow it down, had something gone wrong. He thought I was being ridiculous. I disagree!

So, let's say you didn't come home, and your DH went to report you missing, he would literally have to say he had no idea where in the world you'd gone missing? Given that Police have to get warrants and permissions to seek data from travel companies, and mobile phone companies, you could lose DAYS of valuable time trying to trace you. Why would you do this?

If you are asking if it is normal, yes, I would see it as normal parent/child info. Not sure what there is to be uneasy about per se.

nope

but i goes some way to explain how a very aged, ill woman that lives alone may wish to know where her daughter is if something happened to her

I’m in my 40s and insist my parents in their 80s give me that info. I’m not overly anxious, just good to know that type of thing.

Elderly relatives of mine are similar these days. They are struggling with loss of independence/control… it’s turning them into not very nice people. They aren’t making decisions about things that they should re living arrangements for as their health declines and are trying to control more from family and household stuff instead. To me it says losing capacity. Id be asking this woman what else is worrying her and see what she is stressed out about at home and if anything can be done. If positive change can be made it should realign the balance and get her off your back

I've just started leaving all flight details with my parents (even though they live on another continent!). I'm 50 and they late 70s.

For me it is mainly because we put the cats in the cattery and I want to be assured if anything happens they know where they are and when they need to contact the cattery to make any arrangements until they can get there.

This is my particular 'thing' though.

We’d just flown out of Genoa when that bridge collapsed a few years ago, we didn’t know it had happened but my poor mum got in a right tizz because she couldn’t contact me for a few hours.

Since then my family send flight numbers and accom details when we go away. I doubt anyone even looks at it, but we’d know roughly where they were if we needed to.

As an aside, when travelling, make sure the people you’re with and someone back home knows who your travel insurance is with. It’ll save all manner of problems if you end up in hospital or dead!

My DB and I always share holiday itineraries when we go away, it's just so that we have a second means of contact for each other in case of any untoward situations and they're out of mobile reach.
With my late DM I'd have given her a hotel phone number, just in case, and the date of our return. But she wouldn't have asked for it, nor would she have used it except in an emergency.

The above