DP wants more money

[Itsnotbeeneasy]

Trying to keep this as concise without losing the detail or drip feeding!!

4 kids in total - blended family. 2 each. I moved into DPs house 2.5 years ago

When I moved in I asked how much he would want in contribution each month - he was unsure so I asked for vague bill amounts (utilities and mortgage) each month and then added extra for me and my 2 kids being here, halved the total and that’s what I pay. This was half to mortgage and all utilities/bills. He was v.happy with the initial figure

Obvs as we all know bills have increased since so I have increased my payment each month slightly without him asking. Then - he let slip that I was paying more than he was per month. Bear in mind I’m paying half his mortgage.

DP is now asking for a higher contribution again but is flatly refusing to let me see bills for utilities to work out the fair figures stating that if I have any record of these then I would have a claim to his property - which as said is in his name - and instead wants me to pluck a figure out of the air that I would ‘be happy with’

I will add I own nothing - I’ve only just got myself out of debt, no property etc. If we split I’d be homeless and renting - no savings. He has told me time and time again that he has £150k+ of equity in his property and keeps throwing in that he could buy a small property and be mortgage free

I think this conversation is a knee jerk reaction to this months salary I revived which has been a lot higher than ‘normal’ - and I quote he said ‘if I was paid that salary I wouldn’t have any issues’ - I have just received £4.5k after tax this month - a lot higher than usual as I’m on commission. I earn between £2.5k-4k usually after tax each month and until now had been paying off debts - finally clear now (mortgage shortfall on my house and debts my ex husband put in my name - it’s been really shit)

Its all felt very grabby tonight - I told him when I moved in that I wanted to save enough to buy a rental property so my kids have an asset it at least have a decent savings account - at the point I can do that he is now asking for more money.

Please help. I dont want to use gaslit as a throwaway phrase but I need some opinions

Op you still sound very blase’ with money.
4k for a sofa in someone else’s house…. Madness
If you’re saving save don’t waste. I don’t think you know what you want

This doesn't sound right at all.
I'd be moving out with the sofa. Surely renting is far better than being taken advantage of.

This is legally not true. If you’re not named on the mortgage or deeds and you’re not married you would have no claim on the property. You MAY be able to make a claim if you’ve paid for work that adds value to the property. It’s one of the biggest misconceptions of UK law

I have no assets and not much experience in this department, but it doesn't sit right that you're paying into his mortgage. If you are, it should be in some kind of contract where you get back your contributions if you split. Not worth it.. if he wants to know a figure your happy with, perhaps 70% of utilities (as you have kids and he doesn't) and nothing on the mortgage. Buy your own food for you and kids and go down to the bone so he pays half of exactly what he eats. Doesn't sound like much of a life. I'd be making plans to get out and rent somewhere or save up a decent amount for a deposit.

If you are contributing to his mortgage that entitles you to an equitable interest in the property. However, you'd have to go to court to quantify it. Don't just pay the bills and don't let him know you know. Try and get something in a text exchange to confirm the money you're paying is half the mortgage and bills.

make sure to take the sofa with you when you leave

If he dies tomorrow with no will his children would benefit but would have to fight for that. Unless he gets a will done you won’t be entitled to anything. It would only come direct to you if you were married. He must get a will done if his intention is that you should get “everything”

If OP is safe and she and her children are content it doesn't make sense to jump into the private rental market "today" as some posters have ludicrously suggested. But she does need to have a contingency plan.

The bloke has two kids and presumably wants to protect the equity in the house for them so it's not as straightforward as "putting her on the deeds".

I think the advice would be quite different if the sexes were reversed, however, OP has been naive and her P is grabby. Both need to wise up.

This is the kind of issue in a relationship that leads to resentment and ultimately it’s breakdown.

i have no idea of the legalities over showing you the total bills and whether that could lead to you having a claim on the property. Smells like bullshit to me, I’d want to know the truth about that statement as that’s the most sensible thing to do and you suspect he doesn’t want you to see as you already pay more than necessary.

Without a will - if he died without leaving a will as things stand now.
Rules of intestacy would be applied by the state.
His bank accounts would be frozen
Even if you have a joint account everything would be frozen while it goes through probate.
His children would inherit the house ( I am assuming they have a mother, she would probably be appointed a trustee if they are under 18 )
She may have claim on the house ( op does give enough info for further comment ) did dp buy house with kids mother- is she on the title deeds
You, your children would have no claim on the property or assets as everything would go to his children ( defacto their guardians if under 18 ).
His family would not have a claim.
I am dealing with an estate with no will myself at the moment.

Where is the love in this relationship? Honestly OP, find a better partner.

Are you a lawyer? I checked it.

Renovations that add value are not the only way you can create an implied trust - it can be contribution to the purchase price or to the mortgage. It can also be purely from the intention of both parties which isn’t the case here.

i don’t agree you should pay half the mortgage without being on it. I have my own house. My partner pays half the bills but not a penny to the mortgage. He asked to be added but having been burnt before I said no. Agreement is he doesn’t pay any mortgage or the renovation costs of the house. He isn’t financially benefitting at the point of sale and my conscious wouldn’t allow me to take his money. Ask to be added to the mortgage if he says no withdraw all payments. Ps you might be able to make a legal claim to the house as you have been contributing to the mortgage. Get some legal advice 😊

No it doesn't. The OP is basically a lodger.

I would suggest that you do these & protect yourself & your children

Pay into an employer work place pension
Pay into LISA (to buy property)
Save up some emergency savings (6 months wages)
Look up how much the council tax is for the property that you currently live in & pay half

Tell him that you cannot afford to pay any higher amount to him

You have zero claim on his property, unless you are married or civil partnership or he makes a will
which includes you (wills can be changed)

https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

He won’t show you the bills?! That’s unreasonable, controlling and odd. You aren’t being grabby, he just trying to make you feel that way. He’s not treating you fairly and l would give this whole arrangement a work over -including considering moving out or contributing less to it all

Well thank you for calling us all sexist 🙄

I agree with those saying she should have to pay some amount beyond bills, because she’d be paying rent anyway if she wasn’t living there . If she only paid bills she’d be profiting off his investment into his house purchase. And she’s contributing towards wear and tear in the house since three of them have moved in.

What that amount should be is the thing that needs to be reviewed and looked at.

And no way should she continue paying towards bills while he hasn’t reimbursed her for the couch and without her seeing the exact amounts.

However I’m baffled that someone with kids and no savings who has just got themselves out of debt would spend 4.5K on a sofa in a house they don’t even own. Even split between two that’s quite a lot. You could’ve got a decent one for closer to 1K which would be £500 each.

OP you seem to blame all the previous debts on your ex but were you making financial decisions like this when you were with your ex?

I'm not a legal expert but I think without a will you are in a very dodgy position. I knew a couple, living together 25 yrs. Man dies, no will to be found, his partner entitled to nothing as the house was in his name. I don't know about savings. Partner had to negotiate with the children who inherited the house, how long she could stay there. It was messy and awful as both parties were disabled.
I wouldn't increase any payments without seeing paperwork and I would get serious advice as to your own financial future.

How is she benefitting by living there if she's no better off than she would be living on her own while he's half a mortgage payment better off per month?

I wouldn't be paying half of a mortgage to help someone buy a house I'd have no stake in. So I'd expect some legal arrangements to be put in place to ensure I had beneficial interest from my contributions. If he refused, I'd probably move out. Or at least be doing some research into what it would cost in lodgings with a resident landlord in your area, and pay him no more than that as a fixed sum to cover rent, utilities and food. Under this arrangement I would spend nothing on equipment, maintenance, repairs or sundries for the home, as I would be a lodger and it would not be my responsibility.

I mean, I was literally in that situation and would never have taken money towards my mortgage before my DH and I were married and the property became a joint asset (with my pre marriage share protected)
Do you really think posters would have told me I should have charged him rent? Despite me being the higher earner and it being solely my property at that point? Why?

You dont need more time tonight crease your assets. You have no debt and £2k in savings. I rarely had more than that all the time I was paying a mortgage.
Move out. Rent a place as cheaply as you can and save - if you are paying half his mortgage and more than half his bills I suspect it would cost you less and certainly my not more so you could save while renting your own place.

If she only paid bills she’d be profiting off his investment into his house purchase

right! And so what? If she pays a share of the bills then she's contributing overall to the expenses of the household and reducing his costs. Otherwise the investment is his only. The benefits and the costs likewise. As I said upthread the OP or people in her circumstances should use the opportunity to save with a view to either investing in the asset in future (if the relationship progresses that way) or building her own financial security.

This - OP is giving DP money which goes into a pool in his account from which he pays his mortgage. Unless she has a SO/DD via which she pays 50% into the mortgage account directly, she would not be deemed to be paying the mortgage.