DP wants more money

[Itsnotbeeneasy]

Trying to keep this as concise without losing the detail or drip feeding!!

4 kids in total - blended family. 2 each. I moved into DPs house 2.5 years ago

When I moved in I asked how much he would want in contribution each month - he was unsure so I asked for vague bill amounts (utilities and mortgage) each month and then added extra for me and my 2 kids being here, halved the total and that’s what I pay. This was half to mortgage and all utilities/bills. He was v.happy with the initial figure

Obvs as we all know bills have increased since so I have increased my payment each month slightly without him asking. Then - he let slip that I was paying more than he was per month. Bear in mind I’m paying half his mortgage.

DP is now asking for a higher contribution again but is flatly refusing to let me see bills for utilities to work out the fair figures stating that if I have any record of these then I would have a claim to his property - which as said is in his name - and instead wants me to pluck a figure out of the air that I would ‘be happy with’

I will add I own nothing - I’ve only just got myself out of debt, no property etc. If we split I’d be homeless and renting - no savings. He has told me time and time again that he has £150k+ of equity in his property and keeps throwing in that he could buy a small property and be mortgage free

I think this conversation is a knee jerk reaction to this months salary I revived which has been a lot higher than ‘normal’ - and I quote he said ‘if I was paid that salary I wouldn’t have any issues’ - I have just received £4.5k after tax this month - a lot higher than usual as I’m on commission. I earn between £2.5k-4k usually after tax each month and until now had been paying off debts - finally clear now (mortgage shortfall on my house and debts my ex husband put in my name - it’s been really shit)

Its all felt very grabby tonight - I told him when I moved in that I wanted to save enough to buy a rental property so my kids have an asset it at least have a decent savings account - at the point I can do that he is now asking for more money.

Please help. I dont want to use gaslit as a throwaway phrase but I need some opinions

For anyone who has any knowledge of this - DP is emergency services and has said if he dies tomorrow I would have control of everything. He has no Will to state this.

He's lying to you.
Surely you know this?

Surely you have the ability to google it?

His being in 'emergency services ' (fire, police, ambulance) means nothing.
How could it?

His next of kin are his children.
They would inherit everything, or if they are under 18, they would be looked after by someone else- their mother, if she's around.

This!

What on earth is he trying to feed you, saying this rubbish.

I promise you this is wrong you do not have a claim to the house at all. You cannot claim the equity this is completely made up. As you are not married and the house is in his name you have no rights to the property.

also as he has no will and you are not married of course you have zero rights to any of his stuff if he dies. He’s talking balls.

If you’re paying towards his mortgage you could have a claim on the property. Does he realise this?

Where are people getting this idea that you have a claim to the property because you contribute towards the mortgage? It’s misinformation.

I don't necessarily have an issue with paying 'rent' to your partner. I don't think there is a right answer how finances should be handled but the issue for me here is the lack of transparency. You should have access to all the utility bills.

There have been a couple of test cases.
I need to google more to find them, but there is some info here
https://www.familylawgroup.co.uk/news/what-rights-do-you-have-to-your-home-if-you-separate

It's possible to establish a 'beneficial interest' in a property.

A pp wisely suggested discussing this with a solicitor. I second this. Never rely on legal advice handed out on anonymous chat threads.

Well @Itsnotbeeneasy has vanished so best to find another thread where those in need do engage. She's had good advice on here.

@Itsnotbeeneasy

whether you're open to hearing it or not, you have gone from one abusive twat to another.

whether he lives or dies, you're not entitled to any of his house. Unfortunately.

Do as he says & give him a fair amount you're happy with. Guess the bills & give him half of that. No mortgage! As he says HE has the equity in it put that money into your own savings.

Hes selfish & nasty. Get those ducks sorted!!

Why buy a 4.5k sofa for someone elses house?. You sound bad with money. Just tell him you can pay extra hundred. If what you are paying is less than you would pay alone, I would just carry on. Use what you are saving to buy a property. Win win for every one

“If there were no direct discussions then the court will look at the conduct between you, including contributions made to the house. These contributions need not necessarily be direct contributions to the purchase or mortgage, but should be more than what is ordinary in a cohabitation situation. So, if you have solely paid all the household bills it could be argued this is above and beyond what is expected of an ordinary cohabitee.”

but she hasn’t paid all the household bills solely. She has paid a bit more than half. Plus, given that he has explicitly stated he doesn’t want her to have a claim to the house, it would be pretty dark for OP to start an eye wateringly expensive legal battle with an incredibly tenuous claim to try and steal part of his property off him, no? Even if he is a grabby user.

Repeating what others have said but -

Don't tell him how much you bring in (ever again).

Work out a reasonable amount to give him each month then maybe take £100 off If he argues, get him to show you proof that he is being short changed.

Save, keep your head down, get the hell out of Dodge..

You have no rights to his estate unless he makes a will in your favour. But really, just get away from him. He is refusing to be open about finances, despite happily dipping into yours, he’s lying about the will and he’s a problem drinker - not someone that should be around your children.

Stop sharing your financial details with him and move out asap!

You own nothing and you were in debt but you've been paying his mortgage and even ended up paying more of it than he is... And now he wants more. Of course he does.

If he dies tomorrow you get nothing, unless you have proof you've been paying the mortgage and you're willing to take his kids and family to court to fight about it. You get nothing unless he made a will naming you. and of course he hasn't done that.

STOP talking to him about your money, when he won't even tell you how much the bills are (because every month is free money month for him in this relationship and I bet you're paying more than 50% there too.) If he loved you he would not allow you to sink so much money into an asset you have no legal claim to.

Op that’s really bad, he’s lying to you. Or he’s thick as shit. Of course you seeing the bills doesn’t mean you’ve a claim on his property. He’s not showing you as he’s robbing you. He’s getting you to pay over the odds.

honestlh it’s so distasteful . I’d be done. Seriously. I couldn’t be with someone who wanted to profit from me.

The point is that she has paid half the mortgage during the time they have been cohabiting. Therefore, as I said earlier and you denied, she may have a claim to some of the equity in the house. Whether he wants her to have a claim or not is irrelevant.

We don't know how strong her claim is or whether it would be worth her pursuing it. But it is clear from her first post that she may have a claim.

First of all, STOP paying half the mortgage. It is his property, his name on the deeds, his responsibility. If he wants you to pay half then you need to own a percentage of it calculated from when you moved in. If he doesn't want to do that, then that's fine, but you shouldn't be paying his mortgage.

When XH first moved in with me, he paid half of all bills, but nothing towards the mortgage as I didn't want him to be able to claim part of the house if we split up .

You should pay half the bills, but to do that, you need to see the bills. What is he hiding if he won't let you see them? Stop paying him anything until he sits down with the bills so that you can work everything out fairly.

You need a frank honest discussion with him and if he won't co-operate then move out and start paying into something that will be yours.

At the moment as so many PP have said, you have no rights at all, nothing. If he dies without a will, then everything goes to his family , subject to the Intestacy criteria. You would get nothing, even after paying half the mortgage for a period.

Why are you paying this man’s mortgage when your children are at the risk of homeless at his whim?

Women like you frustrate me so much. Look after your children first.

** would get nothing, should be" could get nothing"..... I know somebody who did contest this after a breakup and they were awarded several thousand, but they had very clear evidence, email trail etc, that it was considered that they had been paying half the mortgage, had paid for a new kitchen etc etc.

@prh47bridge but she hasn’t paid half the mortgage - she’s paid money into his bank account, where it has joined a pool and he has then paid his mortgage out of that pool of funds. Unless she has set up a SO into a joint account that solely services the mortgage payment or to the mortgage lender directly (and the mortgage company would probably not allow this, I think, as she is not a party to the contract so they always set up a DD with the mortgagee), then she can only say that she has paid DP a monthly amount of cash part of which she understands he may use towards the mortgage.

OP, am assuming you are busy with family stuff and planning to check this thread in private later/when DP is working. Really hope you feel buoyed to start planning your exit and discard the comments about your naivety. Trusting people, especially when you love them, is a common error, but you’re in a strong position to regroup now.

Good luck,

Get legal advice.
Have you evidence that you contributed to his mortgage?

Yes but if she’d rented she have so,e security of tenure. A landlord has to give notice and sometimes go to court to get you out.

The PP and her kids could be homeless tonight, if he decides to kick them out. They have no rights .

This! And this alone is exactly why you should get you and your kids out. Is renting great? No but it is better them this. This is such a ridiculous lie it's crazy he even tried to get you to think it was true. It's like saying the sky is green with yellow polka dots. He is purposely taking your money leaving you vulnerable to being homeless and insulting your intelligence with this nonsense lie