Letting 14 y/o dd go to central London with a friend.....

[wanttokickoffbutcant]

DD recently turned 14. Has been into central London many times with me but never with a friend. I am torn as to whether I should allow her. On the one hand, I was travelling from Cornwall to London on my own at a younger age but I am just think it is a very different place now (I am old). She thinks I am horrible and being ridiculous not to trust her but she is also not very street smart.......

That's weird, sorry. I've travelled around London, often alone, most of my life and nothing has happened to justify your point of view.

She'll be fine. But I do remember the first couple of times my DD went to London on the train (from Woking) with her friends, all she 14, and I was pleased when they got back! It's all part of developing independence and I think builds confidence and maturity actually

We live in Zone 3 and the DC have been going into the centre from around the same age. Central London isn’t inherently more dangerous than anywhere else. The reality is that they will mooch around some shops, buy some overpriced drinks with more ice than liquid and take photos of each other.
Basic common sense that applies to all busy areas is all that is needed - watch out for your phone and possessions in crowded areas and agree a place to meet up if you get separated (less of an issue now everyone has phones).

I have been in London on days there have been protests on but not actually come directly across them so chances are she won't be in the type of place they happen. I would tell her if she does come across one just move away and even get back on the tube and go to another part of town instead rather than hang around even if just to watch.

But you do realise this isn't normal don't you?

Yes let her. Just make sure she's contactable and her phone's fully charged. Get her to send some photos of what she's visiting/eating etc so you know what she's doing but in a way that feels like you're not being ott.

Blimey, why on earth not?

It's always hard to let them do something new the first time, but only fair to let them try (unless it is something completely inappropriate, of course). They will soon become used to it, as will you as the parent. It's also part of them gradually learning to be independent.

Yes 🙂

I'd rather my 14 year old was on the tube and in shops in London where there are cctv and people eveywhere then walking a dog along alone a quiet country lane where no one would hear her scream for help if a pervert jumped out of the bush.

She's with her friend and has a phone and won't be out late I would let her go

Ps I was getting the tube to school in London alone from 11

@theduchessofspork I worry because she's often accosted by men. She's sometimes home late from work. She's streetwise and careful but of course I worry. There is a huge drug and gun problem although the area surrounding her is fairly affluent. So yes, it concerns me a great deal. It's very different to when I was a similar age.

I would let her. You say she has been into London many times with you so she's not entirely new to the place. It sounds like an ideal opportunity to let her build up some independence.

As for getting confused with the tube etc... given she's been many times before I'd expect she has at least some idea of navigating the tube. I was travelling to London to visit friends around a similar age - on my own - from much further away. And this was in the days before mobile phones. First time I was getting the tube by myself I got a TINY bit confused with the signage, but y'know what? I had a voice I could use - so went to a member of staff and checked that my understanding was correct. 10 seconds - query answered - and off I went. No problem, no drama, no panic. Never had to ask a question about the tube ever again - either as a visitor or when I lived there.

Why are teens no longer capable of asking for help anymore? A staff member, security person, nearby police officer - it's how teens learn to navigate minor problems as well as helps them build confidence in dealing with different situations. Not sure which tube line to get? ASK! Not sure how to use their Oyster card or whatever - ASK! Ended up on the wrong tube line? Get off at the next stop and ask a member of staff how to get back to where they are supposed to be. It's common sense and every day problem solving skills.

They have the added luxury of mobile phones these days too. By all means, anticipate common problems and have a plan in place, but at some point they have to actually deal with these things and use their brains to think through situations and options. Otherwise they never learn how to problem-solve.

I expect this has been said but she should be made pickpocket aware. In crowds and busy tubes and buses, it is safest to move one's shoulderbag/day pack round to the front and hold it close. Don't carry any cards, money in outside pockets of clothing and be aware of distraction tactics from strangers. Apart from that, I have survived nearly 70 years of London and its public transport so far without serious incidents and I was definitely travelling alone on the tube at 14.

Just my POV
Your life experiences don’t cancel out mine?😅

Politeturtle, it's not just one pov though, statistically it's most likely that nothing untoward will happen

My kids have been getting the tube into central London since they were 12. We live in London zone 3 and they go out into central London to meet friends. They have seen some great exhibitions and stuff at the Royal institution independently. They are hardly particularly streetwise kids. Just normal teenagers with nice friends, and enjoying the many things at central London has to offer.

Where is the huge drug and gun problem?

I think a lot of people don’t realise just how big London is and how it is a collection of many different areas, each with their own identity and pros and cons. Some areas are definitely safer than others.

Not sure anywhere in the UK has 'a huge gun problem'

The London fear here is quite amusing, but does not surprise me.

Mumsnet has been an eye-opener for me in terms of the anxiety that people live with. So many women who can’t make phone calls, have health anxiety and fret about every symptom, people who cannot sort out a refund because they ‘hate confrontation’, germ-phobic mums who make their kids change their clothes every time they have stepped outside etc.

So I can see that the idea of getting a tube into a city fills them with abject terror. I feel quite sorry for the kids growing up in these restricted environments.

Yes. They are knives endemic in some areas and this has become part of the gang culture. Families there must be really scared. But gun culture? Not so much, thank goodness.

Yes of course. I bus and tubed it to school every day from 11 and frequently went out with my friends at 14 across London. Get them the Citymapper app and they're set. How do you think London's teenagers manage?

I remember my DS knew a boy in primary aged about 9 or 10 yrs old who was dumped by his parents in the centre of town and told to find his own way home alone. I was a bit shocked by that. His parents were doctors. I wouldn't have done that.

Both mine regularly roamed round London with friends from about 12. I live in north Lindon and was a bit surprised when my DS announced he'd visited Olympic park that day with his pals. It was miles away. They were quite a big bunch of mates larking about but they liked to explore. DD mostly went to Camden, Covent Garden and Carnaby Street.

I lived in London for a few years from when I was 19. I was very independent and street smart from a young age and had moved out of home at 16. During my time in London I was groped on the tube several times. I was mugged twice (one of which involved being pushed down a flight on steps at a tube station). I was offered drugs many, many, many times. I witnessed two people being stabbed. Most of these were during the day. I worked in PR in central London and lived in a relatively ‘posh’ part of North London. I now live in another, smaller city and none of those things have ever happened. I think the people who are saying ‘London is just the same as everywhere else’ maybe haven’t spent much time out of London, or much time in it!!

I lived there for 10 years. I still think it’s fine for 14 year olds to travel
around on the tube in the central shopping areas in the daylight.