Letting 14 y/o dd go to central London with a friend.....

[wanttokickoffbutcant]

DD recently turned 14. Has been into central London many times with me but never with a friend. I am torn as to whether I should allow her. On the one hand, I was travelling from Cornwall to London on my own at a younger age but I am just think it is a very different place now (I am old). She thinks I am horrible and being ridiculous not to trust her but she is also not very street smart.......

Presuming she'll be there in daylight hours, London is easy to navigate - tube and bus stops are all really well labelled.

I'd drill it into her and her pals that they stick together no matter what, and I'd make sure she has some cash in a jeans pocket with a piece of paper with key phone numbers on, in case she loses her bag or phone (or it's nicked, but I'd think losing it is equally likely at her age). If she has a smartphone, the CityMapper app is very useful for navigation. But if she's within zone 1 or 2, as I'd imagine she intends to be, she's never far from a tube station, and although they aren't staffed the way that they used to be, they're usually manned and generally very safe as a place to head for if she's uncertain.

I'd have no problem at all, considering she has a phone.

If she's used to London and tubes etc then let her.

As long as they're staying in a fairly populated area it's probably safer than the average village which is deserted after 8pm.
I was trying to get that across to my parents who think that their little village in the north is much safer than anywhere south of Manchester. The crime rates in their village is considerably higher than the country average, and definitely higher than anywhere my girls would be going when they visit London.

I went on a few protests in london age 15 with my parents blessing! Admittedly this was 2003.

But I do think 14 is a sensible age for first outings to london, to shops or an exhibition with a friend.

Talk through how she will get to where she wants to go. You can also talk through what to do in the extremely unlikely event she encounters a big protest (wait in a cafe? Walk in opposite direction and use google maps to find a different route home?).

I think that 7.30 on a school night is late enough? I am happy to pick her up from a friends or somewhere later but not having her roaming the streets in the pitch black in the winter.

I also had quite neglectful parents who didn't know or care where I was so this is probably clouding my take on this.

Have you any idea how many people live and work in London? Of course it's not any more dangerous than anywhere else.

As long as she's comfortable with the tube, she should be fine. I let my DD go at that age with friends (we live in zone 4 with the tube a bus ride away).

At her own suggestion (she has mild asd and dyspraxia and gets lost very easily/is completely lost if trains are cancelled or things diverted) she had (and still has at 19) the Live360 app on her phone, so we can check in on each others' location, which gives us some reassurance and is handy for her if she needs us to come and get her! It's been an absolute lifesaver at times.

Although it gets rather annoying when she then starts tracking me and demanding to know why I've been an hour in Sainsburys when she needs me... 😉

You think that's bad? I've got 4 of the fuckers holding me hostage on the sofa.

My 14yo has been going to central London on her own since she was 11 and was attending secondary school there. Thousands of other dcs do the same perfectly safely.

On a more sensible note, it's perfectly fine, honestly. We live in SW London. DD is 14 and spends half the time on tubes here there and everywhere. Westfield (either one depending on who she's meeting), Camden, Oxford Street (my idea of hell, but her and her mates appear to like it), China Town. If your DD is good and familiar with Central London, then honestly there's no more risk than if she was in Guildford or Reading frankly.

I'd say it's the perfect opportunity for her to develop some street sense and to learn that feeling anxious about some things doesn't mean she should always live within her comfort zone.

Encourage her to plan her travel to/from central London and to agree with the friend she's going with that they will stay together whatever happens. Make sure they have a backup meeting place e g. by Lush in Victoria station (or whichever mainline station they will travel into) just in case they do get split up for some reason. I would also suggest they keep their money/card separate from their phones both so they don't get charged twice for travel but also so if one gets lost, they can still get home. If they know their parents' numbers by heart, there are plenty of kind people who would call one of you in the event their phones were lost/out of battery. I've done this for young people in London and my teens have benefitted from kind folk who've called to let me know they're fine but out of battery.

My youngest DD is a similar age and I'd be delighted if friends of hers were allowed into central London with her but they're not. I don't know if it's a hangover from covid when this age group missed out on all those end of Y6/transition to Y7 things that build independence but the parents of DD's friends don't seem to be ready to let their DDs go into London, even though it's a 10 minute train ride. As a result, my DD goes into/across London by herself which isn't her preference but it's better than missing out because of her friends' parents' anxiety.

It will be fine if they stick together, make sure phones are charged, and kept out of sight, and use the tube to get round- impossible to get lost if you know the nearest tube to where you want to be. Protests, if any, are usually peaceful and not obvious in the main Central areas. London is busy with lots of totally normal people, oddly enough.

My DD started going at 14. She had actually absorbed quite a lot from all our trips so had a rough idea of geography.

I drum it into her to keep her phone in a bag when not using - also don't keep oyster / bank card in the phone case.

Her friend got her phone pinched from her pocket in Oxford street last week - luckily her purse was in my daughter's bag.

Make sure she knows options for getting home in case something is cancelled - my daughter was in a thameslink that got stopped early.

I would.

I live in London and have a 13 year old DS. He has commuted on a combo of bus/train/tube to an activity this half term and hung out with a friend.

They have to start somewhere and learn how to be safe and independent.

This

We live near London. I’m pretty protective - but
happy for my DD to go into London with her friends for a few hours, assuming that it’s Central London (ie Covent Garden/Carnaby Street) and that they’re doing shops and cafes. Lots of other people around and is a good opportunity to learn how to get around on public transport etc. if there’s a group and they’re all pretty sensible, then I think it’s a good thing to do at that age.

Of course it’s fine. London isn’t significantly different to anywhere else in the UK, and certainly not more dangerous than any other UK city.

I wonder what some people think London is tbh!

She will only develop 'street smarts' by being out on the streets. I think if she has her phone with her, she is sensible and she has an idea of where she is going, she will be fine. This is how kids develop independence.

Really??

I saw 2 protests just today! (Pro-Palestine match in Hyde park area and anti-Russia protest)

Central London is busy until late at night. Yes there are dodgy characters but it is on a quiet country road that you wouldn’t want to meet them on.

Daughter is fifteen and she’s started doing that this year. All absolutely fine. Really great to see the independence begin. I’d have been ok last year too, but her friendship group weren’t asking to go that far at that point.

I definitely wouldn’t have wanted my DD alone in London at 14. As a compromise could you supervise from a distance? Go to sit in a coffee shop in the area that they’re shopping maybe so that at least you’re nearby if they need you? My big concern would be phones, money etc getting stolen or pickpocketed

😂😂😂

(at least I hope that was a joke?)

Ok mixed feelings here..

Her age is not an issue. It’s her maturity and lack of ‘being streetwise’.