Letting 14 y/o dd go to central London with a friend.....

[wanttokickoffbutcant]

DD recently turned 14. Has been into central London many times with me but never with a friend. I am torn as to whether I should allow her. On the one hand, I was travelling from Cornwall to London on my own at a younger age but I am just think it is a very different place now (I am old). She thinks I am horrible and being ridiculous not to trust her but she is also not very street smart.......

I’m glad you can take the piss but being scared to visit london on your own is batshit. It’s a very safe city. What do you think is going to happen to you?!

Ishoos? So many ishoos!

Get a grip!

I’m often distracted, waving my phone about, lost because I have no sense of direction and I have short Middle Aged lady not likely to fight back written all over me.

None the less, I have lived in London for 25 years and no one has even shown even a sniff of interest in mugging me.

Whereas I've had far dodgier experiences in other cities than I have in nearly 20 years living in London, despite spending much less time outside of London. Particularly where men are concerned.

Travel up with her (make an excuse) so you're there in a different part of London the first time.

I’d let her go talk through her plans and what to do

the danger of saying no is they just go anyway and lie (i would of ) and be totally unprepared

I encountered a fairly noisy protest in Central London when I was walking to work recently. It's fine, all you have to do is walk round them!

I don't understand this way of thinking. I work in central London and walk about on my own all the time, as do my colleagues. I sometimes go out in the evening on my own to theatres. The streets and tube trains are full of ordinary people doing exactly the same thing, with other people or alone.

Do you feel the same about Birmingham, Liverpool, Manchester or Newcastle? If not, why? Is your fear caused by reports of stabbings? Do you think yobs with knives are waiting to jump out on random women who are on a night out in Covent Garden?

Hell no I would not let her. I have two boys and we used to live near a mainline station to central London. They are both pretty sensible but we’re not allowed to go to London by themselves or with friends until they were 16. As far as I am aware none of their friends (male or female) were either.

My oldest has gone into central London (we live in outer London) alone or with friends since 14, but they are quite street smart and very good with the transport system, and also look quite mature.

Central London during the day is really not at all dangerous, as long as she's not knocking around at pub closing time or thereabouts nothing's going to happen that's dangerous, although she should be careful about wallet and phone - oldest did manage to get purse lost or stolen (albeit no money was taken though it took us hours to cancel the card, so maybe lost?) in a park in the centre of town.

My 14yr old has started going into town with his mates.

I just make sure he knows the best route, tells me where he's going and what time he's getting home.

He has also memorised my phone number in case his gets taken/ he loses it.

It's slightly nerve wracking at first. But I used to do this at their age and, as people have said, we can't lock them all away.

I think it would be fine but maybe discuss with her first so that she is prepared: - going in the day rather than night, a plan on how to get home, make sure she knows how to use the tube map.

14 is a good age to do this and start building independence.

What is the problem with the tube? As long as it’s been explained to them how to use it (and it’s very simple) I don’t see a problem.

What I probably would say to anyone, is don’t walk around with a phone in your hand, and if in e.g. a cafe, don’t leave it lying on the table. They’re all too easy for an opportunist thief to snatch.

And don’t put your purse/cards in any compartment of a backpack which can be all too quickly and easily accessed by someone behind you in a crowd.

Yes I'd let her at that age. Particular as you've said she can be quite anxious. In which case it's fab that she wants to do this and should be encouraged.

Don't go with her and sit in a cafe or similar as some have suggested ... that's treating her more like an 11 year old. Embarrassing for her in front of a friend.

I remember a mum refusing to allow her 19 year old to travel in my DDs car a few months after her test as she was a 'new driver'. She drove the poor girl to the gig venue and as they were coming out her mum was in the foyer waving and drove her home.

I was at that age about 20yrs ago. I can't see why not.

To make you feel better, I have lived in London for 30 years and I have never been
mugged, pick pocketed, attacked, been caught up in a violent protest or any sort of protest. I have never seen anyone get stabbed, and I have never been caught up in a terrorist attack.

Neither anecdotes or data will help those who live in fear feel better

lol at the London terror on here. It's just a normal place. Bigger than a lot of other cities but apart from that - just normal! Children are born here and grow up here and most of us function just fine. Of course crime happens but sadly it happens everywhere as do demos.

She may well get lost on the tube. I did when I was her age (50 years ago) and have done so quite recently. It's a huge network and can be confusing. But when it happens you get off the train and go back in the other direction. It's not Hawkins Indiana or Sunnydale High where you could be sucked into the ether never to be seen again.

She has a card and a phone. Tell her not to talk to strangers. Job done.

‘I was offered drugs many, many, many times. I witnessed two people being stabbed. ‘

I came to London for university in the 1990s and was a student here. I have lived here ever since with my husband and now young adult children. I have never once been offered drugs or seen stabbings. I live in North London now and work in central London (I’m here now, welcome from central London!)

It is really interesting how different peoples experiences are. If I felt it was a dangerous place, I would’ve left. I could easily find work anywhere and would probably be better off financially! But I love it here.

Yes that’s true. And it goes for anxiety as a whole. Reassurance can often make things worse for anxious people.

All the people who say “I’ve lived in London all my life and my kids have been crossing London on their own since they were 10” etc are missing the basic point. The fact is, if you have grown up in London, or spent a lot of time there, then you look comfortable and confident.

However, a group of young teens, on a first day out alone in the Big City, will be overflowing with nervous excitement, giggling, messing around, clearly not knowing what they’re doing. This will make them an obvious target for muggers etc. I’ve travelled extensively and I’m pretty old and cynical, but I was ripped off in Paris a few years ago when we arrived late at night, tired and frazzled, and ended up paying massively over the odds for a taxi. If you look like an east target, you’ll be targetted.

I wouldn’t let my 14 year old DS go to London with friends. He’s just not streetwise enough.

However worldly wise you think London kids are they all have the first time they independently go into town with their friends giggling and larking about. There aren't muggers on every corner in the busiest places - like Covent Garden, Camden, and Oxford street looking for tourists/teenagers. They're more likely to be in Park Lane, Bond Street or Chelsea looking for the flash watch brigade and mostly lurking after dark. True you need to keep an eye out for pickpockets and hold onto valuables. I've lived here 60 years and had my wallet nicked once. My DC have never experienced it.

But they need to become street wise! Preferably before 16/17 when they will be encountering different issues/challenges. You build up slowly. Go in the day. Stick to Oxford Circus area. Be home by a set time. See how that goes and build from there.

By 16 you have a child who is more
independent and knows what to do in different situations. Wrapping them up in cotton wool then unleashing them at 16 is not the best idea.

I'm also baffled about the terror re London. I've never lived there, but frequently go on my own, use public transport, out and about at night etc and I don't see the problem. If anything, it's actually safer than remote areas as there are lots of people about
But then I've met adults who also were "too scared" to go into Manchester in the daytime, so I've no idea where some people get their ideas from! I just hate to think of all these smart young people being over-protected by their parents - they need toget out there and live their lives.

She'll be fine. I've lived in London for many years and frequently go out and about in central London on my own. Just make sure she knows what to do in case of any problems getting around, losing her friend or her phone.