To be afraid of teenage boys

[JustanAunt]

This is something that is starting to affect my life.

I have a dog that I obviously take on frequent daily walks but everytime i see a group of teenage boys, its like my blood runs cold and i start to internally panic. No one would think I was having a fear response by looking at me as I am a calm person (on the outside), but I can feel my anxiety growing when I take my dog out

Heres my basic reasoning as to why I find them scary:

1. they are physically stronger than me, especially in a group
2. they are immature and prone to do and say stupid things
3. they can egg each other on in a group and seem to want to appear tough or funny, so I fear things escalating as no one in the group would want to be the one to de-escalate

I have had some run ins with local teens, nothing physical, just having insults hurled at me.

Am I alone in this weirdly specific phobia? I try and avoid them, but doesn’t always work (such as last night when they were circling the area outside my flat entrance), just feels a little pathetic as a grown woman

Well I work with them ( in prison) so I know what you mean!

Have you thought of taking self defence lessons? I worked in prisons and we took them. I was never attacked, but it gave me the confidence that, should I be, the training, together with my Mace spray would probably help me to get away.

I’m the exact same!

YANBU, the reason people talk about a "pack" of teenage boys is because their behaviour is feral. Even worse are groups with the odd girl or two who are impressed by them being dicks because that seems to increase their showing-off and things can escalate faster. If it were up to me I'd make a law prohibiting groups of teens from congregating together in public places, I'd base in on knife laws - you can have a knife at home in the kitchen, but if you're caught with one in public without good reason, you will be prosecuted and have to be jailed for a second conviction. Do this with groups of teens too because a group of teens is just as dangerous as a knife or gun.

99.9 percent of the time they're just kids doing what kids do and have absolutely zero interest in some middle aged woman walking a dog. They literally don't notice you exist lol. I say that as having been that age once and having a predominantly male friend group, and now being a 35 year old woman who walks her dog occasionally through a very rough part of the city centre.

I don't think self defense classes are useful, they might make you feel better but it's mostly just theatre and confidence building and won't help in a real world situation. Men, even boys, are much stronger than most women, however I think you would be be very hard pushed to find a group of lads who would all decide unanimously that it was okay to attack a stranger unprovoked.

Just walk like you usually would and they will pay no mind to you whatsoever.

@CRbear

Why are you the exact opposite then?

Just curious

Tbh groups of teens set me on edge

I feel exactly the same too, particularly on dog walks. When DH is with me, and we pass a group of young males, I'm forever saying " don't look at them, walk faster, quick, turn this way" . Same when we're driving. Maybe I watch too much YouTube true crime, but they seem so unpredictable and the pack mentality frightens me.

I know what you mean but I do agree with a PP that the reality is they very likely have zero interest in you whatsoever. I'd ignore them, they'll ignore you, everyone's happy.

I suspect individually they are 95% decent and nice but yes, as a group teens can be rather silly, attention seeking etc.

FWIW I feel the same about males and females in groups. I think I remember back to my own teens and our awful behaviour roaming the streets as feral idiots on the loose, letting off steam, testing boundaries, messing about and generally being a pain. I look back on it now with absolute horror.

I was from a 'nice' family and became a lawyer btw, played in the youth orchestra and went to mass every Sunday, and the rest of the group were all the same. It's just teen nonsense at the time. It's a tricky age.

I absolutely agree with you on a logical level. I think my fear comes from a much more illogical place. Not helped by the fact that there are some horrible boys that live near me. I don’t think they would ever hurt me, but being called a fat piece of shit doesn’t help! I will absolutely continue to walk as I need to, but I think I will still keep an eye out for any groups to avoid

I find lone males more intimidating.

The only time teen males notice me is when I am walking my dog and they ask can they stroke him and tell me “he’s a beast”

It would be naive not to be mindful of the behaviour of some people, especially in groups. But you have said this is affecting your life.

Either you live in a particularly dangerous area or you are disproportionately scared - which do you think it is?

Statistically your risk is low - obviously feelings are not mindful of statistics!

I don’t think they would ever hurt me, but being called a fat piece of shit doesn’t help!

That's horrible! I can see that would be upsetting. Silly showing off I suspect but in the moment I'd be scared and upset by that.

It definitely sounds like you watch too much true crime.

It is known to be mentally unhealthy and seems to be making you paranoid.

I was, but now I have one myself (eldest DS is 15) I feel very differently. His friends are lovely. But a group of them together is exactly what you describe.
Most teens are like the lovely teens you / your friends / your family hsve raised.

It’s not a particularly dangerous area. But there is a specific group of young people that have caused issues. I walk my dog three times a day for the past 2 years and have had three run ins with groups (2 were with that specific group, and one was a different group). Statistically that’s a tiny amount, but I think it’s just a constant feeling of ‘what if…’ you know?

Do this with groups of teens too because a group of teens is just as dangerous as a knife or gun.

@JustanAunt

I really think 🤔 the nub of the fear and reality and that particular age group ect,

Is that there just isn't enough youth groups ect aimed specifically for this age group to get them engaged with interesting refreshingly educational and creativity stuff activities for well being ?

So many cutbacks here and there over time instead of investing effectively and emotionally intelligently with young people,

Important for young people and society in general the whole,

The media quite often focuses highlights on teenagers going off the rails,

Ironically when so much youth stuff activities involved technology of games stations and the Internet with all the good and the worrying alarming stuff at times, that can be connected to to the Internet too..

Ah it's different if you know they are troublesome. Sorry i thought you meant groups of teenage boys generally.
I'd just walk in a confident manner and ignore.
But i am a 6ft ball of menopausal rage atm so i probably give off headteacher vibes!

I mean teenagers with their games stations and Internet as main home entertainment...

The fear is for teens generally, I think it’s just been exasperated by the encounters I have had

If you've had specific experiences, it may be you would benefit from some therapy to move forwards, because not all teenage boys as the same, obviously.

Your experiences make your feelings understandable, even if they are not always accurate about the specific people you walk past

YANBU

Can you wear earphones so that you don't hear if they call you names? Or if you are visibly wearing earphones they may not bother saying anything at all as they think you won't hear.

I don't like walking passed groups of teenagers either but I just try to think realistically they aren't going to actually hurt me and if they shout something mean...do I actually care what they think of me? Not even a little bit.

Ahh this is sad, my son is 15 and he and his friends are lovely!