To be afraid of teenage boys

[JustanAunt]

This is something that is starting to affect my life.

I have a dog that I obviously take on frequent daily walks but everytime i see a group of teenage boys, its like my blood runs cold and i start to internally panic. No one would think I was having a fear response by looking at me as I am a calm person (on the outside), but I can feel my anxiety growing when I take my dog out

Heres my basic reasoning as to why I find them scary:

1. they are physically stronger than me, especially in a group
2. they are immature and prone to do and say stupid things
3. they can egg each other on in a group and seem to want to appear tough or funny, so I fear things escalating as no one in the group would want to be the one to de-escalate

I have had some run ins with local teens, nothing physical, just having insults hurled at me.

Am I alone in this weirdly specific phobia? I try and avoid them, but doesn’t always work (such as last night when they were circling the area outside my flat entrance), just feels a little pathetic as a grown woman

YANBU; groups of teens/young men can be very intimidating. It’s all very well saying Oh 95% are lovely, but the rest? They tend to dominate the space and move in an unpredictable manner without looking out for other people. I was recently in the tube network with 6ft 4, 30 something, confident DS and he was saying ‘Keep walking, don’t make eye contact, don’t engage’ when we encountered groups of ‘lads’.

I find teens with girls in the group tend to be more gobby - it's almost like the boys feel the need to impress the girls or the girls egg them on like puppet masters. I would think its normal to be intimidated by a group of teens of any gender though I'd imagine statistically the chance of anything happening is very low indeed

It's not unreasonable. They are full of testosterone, growing ego and want to prove themselves. Avoid

I had a situation a few evenings ago, I was walking DDog alone around 8pm in a badly lit grass area. He was having a mooch about whilst I was listening to a podcast. I heard a huge group of male teens approaching that were shouting and screaming, trying to make each other jump. Some on bikes, some on foot. There must have been been 10 of them and I suddenly felt very scared and nervous! For some reason DDog refused to move as he was busy sniffing so I stood my ground too and turned to them face on, turns out they had just finished some sport practice and were just having a laugh walking home - they strolled past me, said "Evening!" And petted my dog. I understand it can be intimidating but I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt, we were that age once

Massive sweeping generalisation there

What? All of them? The teenage boys I knew and still know are a bunch of geeks who hang about talking about games and politics and science.

I get that some teens are awful. Just as some people are awful. But my DD had more trouble from groups of nasty girls at school.

I had this feeling the other day in the kids park. Never thought I would be scared of kids. But I pulled up my big girl pants and told them off for twisting the swing sears over the top and winding them up.

They just gave me dirty looks. They had 2 girls with them who looked increasingly fed up with them as they where making jokes about sex. I told the girls to find some nicer boys and unfortunately these ones won't ever grow up.

Gave myself a pat on the back. Boys looked sheepish and the girls actually left. So I felt like I did a good deed that day.

I have to add. I don't feel 'scared' around all teen boys. But the ones in large groups that are being rowdy. I have 2 boys and they aren't like that. So I'm aware it's not all boys.

My 19year old son is a cautious and gentle soul. Never been in a fight, doesn’t do drugs, very rule-bound etc. He does find it difficult and sad that women cross the road when they see him walking down the pavement at night, but he gets it.🤷🏼‍♀️

Regrettably my experience is based on seeing groups of teenage boys fight, stab each other, and otherwise act like total arseholes in a variety of locations in London. Doubtless they are a minority. However, I can't actually distinguish between them and nice ones.

Girls may be very annoying; I had a teenage girl challenge me to a fight on a tube once with her boyfriend. Charming.

Just for balance sake, I work in schools and meet about 200 teenage lads on a 1:1 basis every year. I also do multiple group works too. In 18 years, I have never had a problem where I have been threatened, despite also being short and fat. Even the 'shitty' ones who get referred are perfectly fine with me, because I'm trying to help them and not trying to be authoritative over them.

I understand why you feel intimidated having been on the receiving end of taunts. And because there are lots of news reports of 16 year olds stabbing each other which makes them seem disproportionately more threatening.

The fact you have done 3 walks a day for 2 years is over 2000 walks and you have had an issue 3 times, says your risk is very low and you can help yourself further by walking in well lit areas, frequented by other dog walkers.

I don't think anyone's risk is ever zero.

I think it's an irrational fear if you're walking past a group of teenage boys in broad daylight and they're not taking any notice of you. In a different context it would be more understandable to be scared of course.

The way you have described walking past them trying to be externally calm but internally panicking is actually how I am walking past dogs.

I hope you're not carrying Mace /pepper spray around with you on a day to day basis? It's classed as a section 5 firearm and not legal as a form of self defence as an ordinary member of the public / citizen.

I find groups of teen girls worse tbh

Agree. The only time I have ever been assaulted was by a group of teenage girls.

I know it's hard op but I've had loads of experience of living in so called rough London boroughs and walking home alone late at night. You have to own your own space. Don't make eye contact but don't scuttle past terrified. They take absolutely no notice of you in my experience when you do this.

You need to give off the air that you're completely comfortable with the situation. If this means you pretend your having a cheery conversation on your mobile then do it.

Yes they often have a bad reputation but they're just people. Be as breezy as you can, just tell yourself you have a right to be there.

It's a bit different with the lads you have already had the verbal from, but again just don't make eye contact and go about your business. Wear an ear bud and listen to a book or music and try not to overthink it.

It takes practice but you can't hide and why should you.

This is really sad! What do you want teenagers to do!? Hanging out in groups is what they do and if they're not hassling anyone...

(Obviously if they are that's different but you seem to want to ban them all regardless?!)

Whilst I do get it, I think your fear needs to be addressed. As PPs have said, 3 incidents in around 2000 walks is tiny!

I am young looking (not a brag as it’s actually really frustrating having people think I’m 16 when I’m actually nearly 30!) and work with groups of men ranging from 18 to well into their 70s. They’re men convicted of violent and abusive offences against women and I work with up to 12 of them at a time so I’m completely outnumbered. On the whole, they’re perfectly pleasant to me or at least respectful.

I also walk around by myself and see groups of teens. Never had an issue and I think that’s mainly because I pay them no attention at all. Most of the groups are minding their own business and only really react when they feel provoked (even if it’s just perceived).

YABU.
I am wary when I see a pack of dogs barking at each other in parks.
Try and remember when you were a teenager. Anyone above 30 is ancient to them.

If you look at the YouTube true life rescues, it's nearly all young lads putting their lives in danger to help people and animals that have found themselves in a dangerous situation, they don't think twice. Our UK media likes to make all young males look like monsters and only reports the negative.

Groups of teenagers are intimidating. There is a local group of mainly boys that stand out on the street smoking and talking (shouting) at each other 'innit bro'. Intimidating but mostly just annoying.

However there is a group of rough girls that I am scared of. Proper gobby little shites that are looking for trouble, hurl insults, smash things, stand in the road and don't move when a car comes along (including kicking the car). I've heard them egging some boys on to do some bad stuff too.

Why are they scarier? They are less likely to do gang violence, but more likely to attack a random person. They seem to enjoy the drama and aggression.

Three times I've been physically attacked by teenagers and each time it was girls! I've also broken up fights outside our local secondary school - again it was girls fighting. Teenage girls can be just as aggressive and immature as teenage boys, believe me. Many of them are much stronger than me too. Fortunately I feel that as a middle aged person I'm more or less invisible to them. Whenever I was approached or attacked by them. It was when I was younger, so a peer. I don't think teenagers generally acknowledge the existence of "old" (ie older than them) people.

they are making noise and sometimes may be expecting a reaction. When they do that and look at me, I give off the most tired and brain dead attitude and set them on the runaway, believe me

I think groups of teen boys and young men are intimidating to most lone women.
I hate walking past, although I have no reason to be scared as such. Just an awkward-feeling situation.
Yes they are stupid and immature but most of the time, they are harmless.

I live in an area that is close to a secondary school so when walking my dogs I quite often see groups of teenagers. I can honestly say that not one of them has ever been rude. If they're on bikes and I let them go past I always get a thank you, and they usually comment on how cute my dogs are.

I think it's sad as well, the majority of teenagers are lovely.

I’m more scared of a group of teenage girls and people in parks with their dogs off the lead.