To be afraid of teenage boys

[JustanAunt]

This is something that is starting to affect my life.

I have a dog that I obviously take on frequent daily walks but everytime i see a group of teenage boys, its like my blood runs cold and i start to internally panic. No one would think I was having a fear response by looking at me as I am a calm person (on the outside), but I can feel my anxiety growing when I take my dog out

Heres my basic reasoning as to why I find them scary:

1. they are physically stronger than me, especially in a group
2. they are immature and prone to do and say stupid things
3. they can egg each other on in a group and seem to want to appear tough or funny, so I fear things escalating as no one in the group would want to be the one to de-escalate

I have had some run ins with local teens, nothing physical, just having insults hurled at me.

Am I alone in this weirdly specific phobia? I try and avoid them, but doesn’t always work (such as last night when they were circling the area outside my flat entrance), just feels a little pathetic as a grown woman

It wouldn't occur to me to feel scared, if I'm honest. If walking past groups of teens my mind is usually miles away so barely notice them. And, as a middle aged woman, I know I'm basically invisible to them.

But I did spend a year working in one of the roughest schools in the city, so got used to firmly facing down arsey teens, boys and girls. Probably helped that I deliberately wore platform boots which made me 5ft 10 inches tall and had tonnes of self confidence. Very weirdly, I got a lot of kudos for being able to do piercing, 2 finger whistles and the fact I drove a cool car (a Suzuki Cappuccino).

If you go scuttling around, looking nervous and fearful than you're making yourself vulnerable.

I have one so I look at them like babies. Feel sorry for them sometimes. Seen teen girls laughing and giggling and no one says anything to them. Overheard a group of teen boys laughing with their deep voices getting told they're causing a nuisance and to be quiet. They weren't being a nuisance, I didn't think.

I’m glad this hasn’t affected you, but it is a little victim blamey. The first time I was targeted I was just leaving my flat, hadn’t even had a chance to ‘scuttle’ before they approached me

I teach 17 year olds individually, and they are really lovely people. I do live in a nice area and these kids tend to be well brought up by caring parents, so I know my experience isn’t universal and there’s some right arses out there, but I also think most people generally are ok if you’re ok with them.

We’ve got a quiet lonely path not far from here where I’ll walk past kids and I always say hello, they’ll say it back and normally ask about the dogs. Haven’t come across any who are nasty yet.

I work with teenage boys (and girls), some of whom are challenging.
I promise that to the majority, you are completely invisible

What did you say back?

I had a run in with some teen boys a few weeks back and to my surprise I morphed into Ricky Gervais in Afterlife. I had raging PMT which didn’t help but they conceded and did what I was demanding they do, in silence.

They’re probably nowhere near as ‘hard’ as they act, as these turned out to be…

I don’t want to minimise how some people feel, yes loud groups of boys can be intimidating.

I am upset at society for the way children are no longer challenged by adults. Obviously if people feel unsafe they shouldn’t do it but teen push boundaries naturally. They can seem horrid in groups but when confronted in a considered way, I find they often respond well.

I’ve told teens to stop throwing chairs in middle of McDonald’s in middle of night. They said sorry & picked them up. When they are loudly swearing at each other I say ‘excuse me can I please squeeze by’ with buggy and all of a sudden they are all ‘yes yes sorry sorry.’

im not saying everyone should have to call everything and if you feel intimidated you shouldn’t out but teens need to be reminded what is ok sometimes. I find it really sad.

I’m sorry you feel like this. I know other people who feel like this too.

But I’m another teacher who knows these lads and, scary as they might appear, the 15/16 year olds are just 8/9 year olds in bigger bodies. Physically they’re like men, but they’re just really childish inside. Does it help to see them like that?

I have two boys - academic, well mannered and middle class. As teenagers they were pack animals and I was shocked at the way they were perceived in a group - they were only allowed in shops in twos, were told off in the street for dropping rubbish that they had nothing to do with - and yes, they were stopped and searched. Never been in any trouble at school or anywhere else, but they met hostility just because of their sex and size.

Keep your head up, stride out, focus on your dog - and they’ll likely have no interest in you.

I tend to assume that as a middle aged woman they wouldn’t be even the slightest bit interested in me.

I used to be the same until DS became a teenager. Turns out 9/10 teenage boys will actually tell the idiot in the group he’s out of line and take time to explain to him why. DS is 18 now and it’s been this way in every friendship group he’s had since 13, so upwards of 60 teenagers.

In the nicest possible way . . .

Grow Up OP!

They're just children. No wonder teenage boys have so many mental health problems, should they apologise for existing too?

Sorry but that is a ridiculous position to take.

Well that’s me cured!

we aren’t talking about 7 year olds here, I’m talking 16, with sometimes the physical build of a grown man with the maturity of a child. I am genuinely aware that this is a me problem, and I’m not asking teenage boys apologise for existing. I’m sure the majority are great, I just get nervous (with experience to back it up) when they are in groups